Drop the crutches

Successful relationships don't just happen. They are the products of hard work, commitment, purpose, dedication with the constant infusion of  trust, love, motivation, encouragement, patience, gentleness, forgiveness and empathy among others. Patience is essential though not more than others but because every relationship consists of two different people from different backgrounds who have been been formed by different experiences. It could be culture, education, family even simple issues like political affiliations and leanings make up a person's persona.

 These differences would somehow find their way into a relationship even if one or the other person was pretending. A person can only wear a façade for so long before the cracks start showing. Outbursts of emotions or mis-used expression does not necessarily mean hate but might imply that the other person has not learnt a better way of sharing their pains or dealing with issues due to their formative experiences or sometimes poor choices.

 I mentioned poor choices because you can use your formative experiences as a crutch which eventually affects your relationship adversely.  An emotional crutch could be anything from fear, doubt, hurts, any excuse that keeps you from having and enjoying a better today. It holds you back and stifles your growth.  It could even be a person. The person with the crutch will eventually drag the other down if care is not taken.While a patience is a virtue, if absolute care is not taken the person with an emotional crutch that is unwilling to give it up will end up in an emotional wheelchair. SO BEWARE. 

 For healthier relationship, start making choices that will enhance your life, devoid of past experiences and emotional drama. I did a soul search recently and identified my crutches.Some were more obvious than others but crutches nonetheless.I grew up in a dysfunctional home(like you didn't) and had an emotionally charged teenage years.I logged around emotional garbage for years but got to a point that I had to consciously ditch the garbage so I could have a healthy life and future.  I got tired of using my past as a crutch and started making healthier and better choices for ME. I realised that the change that I desired must start with me. 

Nobody can run using crutches so why do people think they can have a healthy relationship while dragging past hurts and behaviours around? Dropping the emotional hangup is a personal choice that nobody can make for you, you have to take the decision. I consciously don't allow relationships that will not enhance me into my life. I surround myself with emotionally healthy people or those who are sincerely working on getting rid of the crutches.

 I say sincerely because some people are in denial that is why a soul search is necessary. David did it in Psalm 90:12 "teach me to number my days that I might apply myself to wisdom". A past boyfriend would rather run from a relationship than deal with issues but I'm the opposite. NO MORE RUNNING OR HIDING BEHIND CRUTCHES.

2015 is fast approaching. Instead of starting a new year with hang ups, why not do a soul search, identify the issues that hold you from being your best and drop the crutches. You'll walk taller then.

Handle With Care

The more I brushed my Ombre human hair weave, the more it shed.  I'd spent quite a bit of money to buy the weave so you can imagine my annoyance at the strands of hair that came off with every brush stroke. According to the manufacturer's specification, I will experience little or no shedding but the strand's of hair in my bathroom sink and sometimes food says otherwise. I was about to draft a strongly worded letter of complaints to the manufacturer but decided at the last minute to re-read the hair care instruction. I realised certain things I'd been doing wrong. 1. I'd been been using a brush with hard bristles instead of the recommended soft bristles. 2. No matter how expensive the hair or "human" it seems, it is not my original hair . My hair extensions have undergone a series of processing so requires a more delicate care than my natural hair, hence the shedding. *Lesson to self-always read instruction manual thoroughly*

I have experienced enough brokenness like some of you reading this post to recognise a "broken" person when I meet one. With my little experience, I have learnt never to box people together. People are products of different experiences and environment so require a more dynamic method of approach. It is downright wrong to treat a child from an abusive home with the same gloves as a child with a somewhat more balanced home structure. Broken and hurting people are vulnerable and quite easily exploited or susceptible to more abuse. That is why for some unfathomable reason  abused people tend to seek abusive relationships. It is just not normal! Jesus gives the perfect example on how to deal with hurting people. "to the weak, I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all people so that by all possible means I might save some" 1 Corinthians 9:22. Jesus understood the dynamics of dealing with broken people and lived accordingly. When the sick were brought to him he showed compassion "When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them because they were harassed and helpless like sheep without a shepherd".  Jesus was moved with the desire to relieve the suffering of the hurting not break them some more.  "a bruised reed he will not break, and a smouldering wick he will not snuff out" Matthew 12:20  but he was much firm with the overbearing Pharisees. What most hurting need is empathy and not condemnation. Imagine going for counselling and leaving more damaged than when you got there. Frustrating isn't?  That my friend is not the purpose of the church but to offer hope to a dying world. Like my "human hair" God did not create the world broken. The present status quo is a consequence of sin but there is hope yet. No matter how much, you deny it, broken people like new born babes need  gentle care.

Next time you meet a hurting person, please handle with care don't be brash, selfish or uncaring.  Take a bit more time with that person and don't be afraid to offer a helping hand, it may well be you needing encouragement tomorrow.
P.S. Got myself a brush with softer bristles coupled with additional moisturising and plenty palaver  and the shedding has reduced drastically. Thank God!!

Bin Em' fast!!

I don't know where the strength came from but  few days ago, I decided to de-clutter my wardrobe. I noticed I had lots of clothes but I'd not worn quite a number in years. According to fashion guru Gok Wan "if you've not worn them in ages, you are most likely never going to wear them"(or something in that order but you get my drift..lol). So our went that Next jeans that doesn't fit any more and that shirt bought years ago on the spur of the moment but doesn't fit any more either and  plenty others soon became a pile on my bedroom floor including the ones I've held unto for sentimental reasons!!.

However in typical Gladys manner, the pile has remained on the floor ever since neither tidily arranged nor bagged for disposal until this morning. In my quest to find something suitable to wear, I found myself drifting towards the pile of clothes on the floor. For some inexplicable reason an old top set apart for Charity became appealing. I quickly forgot why it was on the floor in the first place and wanted to wear it. Already the other day I'd worn a top from my "floor collection" and it had somehow found a way back into my wardrobe. I realised the rejected clothes were gradually becoming attractive because I'd not done anything about them and this got me thinking (thinking is hard work right?)

 amenclinics_photos via

 Anything or relationship in life that does not suit your present situation bin it fast. It does not matter how long you've had it. If its not functioning productively and helping you attain your highest heights-DO YOURSELF A FAVOUR AND BIN EM' FAST!! Don't just leave them hanging in a corner before you know it, they become attractive again! Remember you set them aside for a purpose. In a fit of loneliness a couple of months back, I reached out to an old boyfriend but thankfully caught myself before things got out of hand. I remembered he was an "old" boyfriend for a reason and I "jejely" severed that connection. I didn't need the emotional drama. In a more positive Gladys fashion" I reached out to the God of all Wisdom who helped permanently shut the door and delete every trace of that old life. Deleting might seem harsh but one's destiny is worth EVERYTHING. Recovering alcoholics and drug addicts are sorely advised to avoid situations and relationships that would drag them back into their old toxic lifestyles. Never assume you are strong enough to resist the pull of certain situations, avoid them all together.
I have cleared space in my wardrobe and dumped the unused clothes. I now only have functional clothes that I wear and easily access without hassle. No more unnecessary attachment or fillers. If it ain't useful, it ain't worth it. BIN EM' FAST.

LET IT GO

EDITOR'S NOTE: Never cry over spilt milk, its a total waste of energy! Its common knowledge that a forced relationship can never work..but like my pastor would say "common sense is not common".

 Its the absence of common sense that would make a person latch unto a toxic relationship. Even when the obvious is staring them right in the face, the human emotion will cook up a reason to hold onto an awkward situation or people. When a person walks out of your life be brave and let them go. They've only played their part and its time to move on. It does not necessarily mean they are bad people " there is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the sun" Eccl 3:1. Letting go is not easy but its always worth the effort. So next time somebody walks out of your life, tell em' KEEP WALKING!!   Enjoy this brilliant excerpt by T.D Jakes. 

Encouragement for the hurting

EDITOR'S NOTE:  Sometimes life hurts no matter how careful or saintly you are. Even the strongest of people also hurt . Job was righteous but he had his "bout" of challenges.  A "dear friend" betrayed my confidence a while back and I was badly wounded. Many nights after the incident, I cried myself to sleep and  sought solace in God the healer of broken hearts (he heals the broke hearted and binds their wounds" psalm 147:3) . Eventually, I was healed and the hurt just a distant memory but I still bear emotional scars from the relationship. Mind you, many times I was tempted to lash back and hurt the source of my pain but I never did simply because I have a different kind of spirit at work within me. In all, I believe there is a lesson to be learnt in every situation whether good or bad, you'll come out stronger if only you'll let God change your perspective. I found this inspiring article on Proverbs 31 that teaches  how to cope when life hurts. It's written by Chrystal Evans Hurst. Be blessed.

Happy Birthday Prof Brainiac

BE WARNED: Don't be deceived by that sassy pose! Hidden beneath those layers of afro curls and ample bossom is the most brilliant mind and brain that I know. My dearest friend, sister and professional colleague is a year older, yippeee!!! I should have put the put up this post yesterday but I couldn't find the right words to describe her amazing skills, talents and personalty. You really need to meet this Prof Braniac. I met Mary as a journalist at Africa Indepedent Television (AIT) eons  ago. You couldn't help but notice this young, whirl-wind-of a lady as she stormed into the room. "How could such a pint sized, teddy bear- height  girl pack up so much energy ?", I wondered from my small corner in the office as she engaged in an argument with the desk editor. That argument was one of the many I'd see my new friend engage in...lol. The thing is Mary is a very creative person, brilliant script writer, reporter and presenter but was stuck in a quagmire which did not  allow her fully "unleash" her passion to the fullest hence the conflicts. Even the "ogas" admitted she was a force to be reckoned with!

I secretly called her "hurricane mary" 'cos she was such a drama queen..lol but her drama had a reason and a purpose. Her reports were the outlets for her creativity and she'll gladly unleash the wrath of the titans on anyone who dares to stem that flow..lol. Mary was trully passionate about her job and knew it well.  I constantly looked out for any of her productions; she somehow had the ability to turn a crappy idea into a brilliant programme.  Her edgy and infectious personality alway  shone through the television screen at you-what do you expect from the hurricane goddess..lol. One of Mary's amazing programme was "VOICES" a documentary styled programme that showcased social and humanitarian injustices in Nigeria. Brilliant show, well researched and produced.  Someone once asked how and where do I get my "crazy" friends from? the answer is simple-I DEY CRASE MYSELF afterall birds of the same feathers flock together..lol. What actually amazes me is that I somehow find myself surrounded by intelligent women that are brilliant in their fields of endeavour. I am definitely not complaining because scriptures says "He that walks with the wise shall be wise but the companion of fools shall be destroyed" Proverbs 13:20. I am proud to be associated with this braniac!  In all, my dear Mary is an amazing and great friend. She is a very much appreciated member of  my inner circle of friends and support network. She encouraged and supported my decision to keep my pregnancy in the wake of rejection. Mary did not judge but applauded my choice, for that I AM FOREVER GRATEFUL.
Dearest Mary, I am proud of the woman you've become and the amazing mother that you are. This post is  incomplete without that delightful (tyrant) bundle of joy of yours NAOMI.

This adorable cutie is the reason my friend has become a mushy mum-THANKS NAO.

Happy birthday Mary..no vex I tire to type..lool.

Told y'all she was crazy..lol. love you babes!

Appreciate Today #Hotchocolateforcoldmornings

You don't have to lose someone before you realise they really matter. Choose to appreciate that special person today and never take them for granted. The grave is filled with people who never got a chance to say "I love you" or even dared to forgive but would rather hold on to a grudge. Take sometime now to appreciate that friend, colleague, neighbour, husband and Me..lol. remember, some people are simply irreplaceable even if they drive you bonkers!!.

Never Alone

She sat cross legged in front of the television flipping through the channels with a remote. It’s the second week in November but the screens were already inundated with Christmas adverts. "The commercialization of Christmas, I can never understand", she muttered as she gently rose to her feet to fix her second cup of coffee. She needed the caffeine to get through the drudgery of the day. Her flat mate was away on holidays so she had the whole apartment to herself. It was a much appreciated silence as her flatmate could be very loud and noisy but she missed her sporadic burst of laughter and unpredictable nature. For a brief moment, she considered going over to her Nanna's for the weekend but she killed that thought before it could take hold in her mind. Nana had been putting pressure on her to get married; more so since her younger sister got engaged and was set to marry before the New Year. She didn’t think she could be nice to the seventy two year old woman today, she didn't think she could be nice to anybody today! She wanted to curl up in a ball and cry. She wanted to open her mouth and give vent to the frustration she was feeling inside. She just had this huge urge to cry. She wanted to simply cry! She was so ALONE. The sudden sound of the telephone ringing startled her . It was her Nanna! The sprit old woman had a way of showing up anytime she felt despondent. "Hello honey, are you ok? I just had this irrepressible urge to call you. Is everything ok baby? her familiar raspy voice continued leaving no room for her grand daughter to answer. "I am fine now", the young lady answered and indeed she was. Her Nanna had that effect on her. Her voice was cool, comforting and welcoming.In as much as she was avoiding the old lady, her grandma was a constant yet gentle reminder that she was not really alone and that brought an elusive smile to her face. One of the challenges of living abroad is that constant feeling of loneliness. Far from home and everything familiar I would most times long for my brothers and even the thought of seeing good old chief (my dad) sounded like a good idea...Lol. I had made new friends in my new home, but it never seemed enough! I had settled in my local church but that didn’t seem to fill that nagging void either. It took years of unnecessary tears and self pity before I learnt that because I was feeling alone didn’t mean I was alone. That nagging void I felt at the pit of my stomach could be filled but not with food as I’d been doing but with the lovely relationships I had around me, waiting to be reaped from. I had to consciously break through clouded vision and embrace the relationships around me. God wants us to reap from the lovely relationship He’d mapped for us-A LOVELY RELATIONSHIP IN HIS PRESENCE. You don’t have to feel alone or disconnected anymore. I remember the statement made by the late Pastor Teddy parker who committed suicide after telling his congregation that he “felt” God was not listening to him. Feelings most time don’t mean real! They could be as erratic and sometimes unpredictable as the weather-cool now and warm the next!(talk about a tumulteous Irish weather) "Don't equate the presence of God with a good mood. God is near whether you are happy or not" Max Lucado. God is not erratic. He says “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Heb 31:6. It’s not about how you feel, ITS WHAT THE WORD SAYS. Don’t let your circumstances or feelings distract you from the TRUTH, YOU ARE LOVED AND NEVER ALONE.

Make an effort

My friend looked as If she had seen a ghost. Well, figuratively speaking, she had seen a ghost-A beautiful ghost! I looked like a page out of a fashion magazine! No wonder my friend kept staring at me with mouth wide open. "Close your mouth before fly enter", I kidded and gently took my sit in her kitchen. "You win lotto?" she asked jokingly as she spun me around to have a better look at my ensemble. I had not won the lotto but just decided to put an effort on how I looked. You see, I am not your regular fashionista but I love fashion. I love the idea of looking good and applaud every woman or man that stands out in a crowd as a result of their daring fashion choices. Most times, I envision myself all clad up in the season's trendy best but alas some of these styles wouldn't suit an ample bosomed lady like moi and that's putting it lightly. As much as I love my clothes and shoes over time I've become slack in looking put together especially during the week when I'm home doing nothing. It’s not unusual to see me dashing about in town in simple jeans or slacks nothing out of the ordinary except with my hair most times in disarray. But I wasn't always like this. There was a time I truly cared about how I looked and made an effort to look on point either at home or when out and about. That day while reaching out for my usual uniform of jeans and jumper, I had an epiphany. I discarded my first choice of clothes and picked something else. Looking back at me in the mirror wasn't the usual slobby mum but a beautiful trendy lady. I looked good on the outside and felt better on the inside. There is something about putting on beautiful clothes that gives a boost to your self esteem especially if you’ve got a healthy dose already. Expectedly, I got a bounce on my feet and loved the stares I got on the street. I felt beautiful. Looking good takes concerted effort and so does success and great relationships. They don’t just happen by wishful thinking. Prolific Minister and writer Joyce Meyer once said the grass looks greener on the other side because it was obviously well watered and pruned! It takes deliberate effort to achieve a beautiful well watered garden. Many people desire the magazine styled lives or relationships that we most times read about in romantic novels and think it’s nigh impossible, I BEG TO DISAGREE. Like my friend Pastor Kingsley Okonkwo of David Christian Centre would say “YOU CAN HAVE THE MARRIAGE OF YOUR DREAMS. If only we can rise off our butt and MAKE AN EFFORT “Do you see someone skilled in their work? They will serve before kings; they will not serve before officials of low rank.” Proverb 22:29. You may not feel like it but try anyway. It is always worth it. It may seem difficult but it would be worth it. Look at me! I’m getting compliments like I was sixteen ....lol. P.S Thank God, I made an effort to look fabulous this morning; I met a long time admirer on my way to the groceries store. Like my friend, he stood and stared at me with mouth wide open. The rush I felt was worth the extra effort in front of the mirror!!! SORRY!!!! don't have pictures to upload yet, my phone fell and crashed.Would have a replacement in the next two days. Thank God for insurance.

Rising from the ROT

I'd messed up again! This time, the guilt was terrible because I thought by now I should know better. I should know better than to deviate from my diet plan and stuff my stomach with food. More than ever before my doctor advised me to shed weight for health reasons. It all started when I missed breakfast as I had to dash out early in the morning to attend a meeting. You see, breakfast for me is a big deal as it sets a healthy tone for my day. A full breakfast prevents me from binging on whatever food comes my way. Even dieticians say it’s the most important meal of the day and my body had adjusted to that routine. So every time I miss breakfast, its diet down the drain.

However this time, I was very disappointment with myself as I'd been doing so well and thought I had achieved a doable structure. I just could not stop eating. My eyes and hands were drawn to every food in the kitchen and my poor stomach couldn't say no. I refused to listen to logic on why I should stop the downward spiral. There seemed to be a total disconnection between my head and my stomach. NO EXCUSES! That night, I ended up beating myself up for failing yet again. That simple loss of control almost pulled me into a whirlpool of despair and depression until something snapped within my spirit. Hold it right there girl! It’s just a diet! Get back on the plan and give that blob of fat some *ass whooping* We all make mistakes sometimes despite our best intentions. Even the best of us come short of our expectations and the most carefully laid up plans could go up in flames despite our efforts to keep it together. But you don't have to remain in the rot of your errors. Peter made a mistake. He denied his master after he had boasted to all and sundry that he was with *Jesus all the way* "Then Jesus told them, “This very night you will all fall away on account of me, for it is written: ‘I will strike the shepherd, and the sheep of the flock will be scattered. But after I have risen, I will go ahead of you into Galilee.” Peter replied, “Even if all fall away on account of you, I never will. “Truly I tell you,” Jesus answered, “This very night, before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times. “But Peter declared, “Even if I have to die with you, I will never disown you" Mathew 26:31-35. Peter did deny Jesus not once but three times. He felt bad like we all do after we make terrible mistakes but he rose above the tears, regrets, self-condemnation, sought forgiveness and continued in the ministry. Most people find it difficult to forgive themselves after making a mistake. I found it difficult forgiving myself after getting pregnant. It was not a situation; I'd envisaged and definitely against my better judgement but it happened. I learnt beating myself up does not change the situation but rising up from the rot would. If God could forgive our sins as unforgivable as they might seem then we should forgive ourselves. Embracing forgiveness is the best thing we could do for ourselves to live a better and fruitful life. This morning, I'm back on the plan. I ate a healthy meal of wholemeal brown bread with a cup of tea. I hated it (who eats seeded bread...sob*sob*) but it was necessary so that my diet plan might hold. Just like your relationship with God requires daily concerted fellowship through prayers and meditation on the word. Moreover,fellowship with our father is not as boring as my breakfast but soooo exciting and spiritually invigorating. The journey to wholeness is a daily process that requires total dependence on the Holy Spirit. So if you've been down in the rot, get on board this plane, ITS TIME TO RISE AND SHINE. HOLLA! P.S. I’m competing secretly against my friend. Every time I see her Facebook profile picture, the thought of eating eba disappears completely. She’s lost so much weight and looks fab. GAME ON ISIOMA.

Humpty Dumpty had A GREAT FALL

I grimaced as a sharp pain shot through my elbows. I tried desperately to stem my fall with my hands as I tumbled down the stairs. For a split second, I thought my head would hit the bottom last stairs before I plunged into darkness. Thank God, I caught myself just in the nick of time. Gently, I lifted my bruised body and sat down. I hurt all over and my hands felt as if it had been mauled by a mountain bear. “Nothing broken, thank goodness! I exclaimed in the pitch dark. I’d woken up to the sound of my alarm but realised it was not at its usual place at my bedside. Rather the annoying sound was coming from my phone which I’d forgotten downstairs. Sleepily, I FELT for the stairs. Stupidly, I didn’t switch on the light as I didn’t want to wake Joshua. He was deeply asleep and I didn’t want him to wake up that early because it was a Saturday. Next thing I know, this lil missy was rolling down the stairs. Not switching on the light at the time seemed like a very good idea. I have lived in my house for the past four years and was VERY familiar with its every nook and cranny. Manoeuvring a couple of stairs in the dark should be a piece of cake- It was anyway till I found myself at the bottom of the stairs with more than a bruised ego.

What was I thinking? What if I’d been seriously hurt or God forbid broken my neck? Poor Josh would have woken up to see his mum hurting downstairs. The little darling would have assumed I was playing and may have joined me on the floor not understanding that mummy was badly hurt and needed help. How would he even call for help when he couldn’t talk? Thankfully, the scenario did not play out like my overactive imagination. My morning adventure reminds me of the mishaps that we sometimes get ourselves into, consequences of unfortunate dilemmas’ that would have been easily avoided if we’d only taken necessary precautions. The necessary precaution in my escapade was to SWITCH ON THE LIGHT. I read a fellow blogger’s pain on peoples’ attitude towards sex especially unprotected sex. (You should check it out-http://asitwasnotinthebeginning.wordpress.com/). Joie’s pain was further heightened being an HIV carrier herself. She knows the challenges and stigma associated with the illness and wonders why people would still deliberately jeopardise their lives for the pleasure of unprotected sex despite media campaigns and advocacies on the dangers of SEXUALLY TRANSMITTED DISEASES AND NEED FOR PROTECTED SEX. Some people still express profound trust in their partners not to cheat on them or break their hearts but these things do happen. People change and trust gets broken (except in relationships where both partners fear God and abstain from premarital sex) The plus side of teaching in a youth ministry is that you have the opportunity to share some of your experiences with them-both the good and the bad sifted through the word of God. Ironically, most of them think they are in control and want to try everything…you know EXPERIMENT (blame that on youthful exuberance). But the truth is, most seemingly harmless fire do get out of control and can burn, maim and even kill. A young lady once boasted to me that she could control a romantic situation….Erm! You think? Even if you can, can you vouch for the other person? How many times have you heard or even spoken the word, “I thought I knew what I was doing” or even thought you knew the other person only to find yourself getting hurt”. I would have had a good laugh at the expense of anyone who would have dared to predict I’ll ever be a single mother. My baby's dad was the epitome of sweetness and love……how Ironic! I’ve learnt feelings cannot sustain a relationship because feelings change. Most divorced couples give INCOMPATIBILITY and IRRECONCILLIABLE DIFFERENCES as the major causes of marital breakups. One partner suddenly realising he or she did not really know the other. HOW SAD!!!.....but GOD IS CONSTANT. Mathew 24:35 Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will not pass away…..and that my friend is INFALLIBLE. God did not send HIS WORD to cramp our style rather to help us surmount challenges and navigate every life situation. You don’t have to fall flat on your face or get hurt before reaching out for help. Unlike Humpty if you’ve taken a rough tumble and had a great fall, HELP IS JUST A PRAYER AWAY AND GOD CAN PUT THE PIECES BACK TOGETHER AGAIN (pic curtesy http://karaloutopia.blogspot.ie)

Crossing Boundaries

What were you thinking Coco? Allowing a man that is not your husband nuzzle your neck in a sexually provocative way? Bad enough you put yourself in that position but having the picture posted on the public sphere? Ice has every right to be upset! I love Coco and Ice and was really disappointed when I saw those pictures. I don't approve of the work Coco does but I love her and I think she and Ice look cute together. Ice is obviously smitten with her. But she really did cross the line by cozing up to a man that is not her husband and allowing him plant kisses on her neck and cheeks. It is disrespectful to her husband even if it was a publicity stunt. There is no reason good enough to justify that picture. That's crossing the line babes! Every relationship has its boundaries. These boundaries exist for a purpose, to keep in or keep out. It will be downright inappropriate for a stranger to ask me about my sex life even If we've been introduced. I remember giving a pastor a dirty slap at age twelve when he deliberately brushed his hands against my breasts while admiring the golden buttons on my shirts. At that age I knew his action was inappropriate. My mum was appalled at my actions but I was in the situation and saw the man's dirty looks. if I could go back in time and was caught in that same situation, would I repeat my actions? fcourse I would and sneak in a killer punch for good measures! He crossed the lines and he got hit. Sometimes we butt into other peoples' business out of concern and we feel offended if the other party gently or rudely puts us back in our space. Some people trully take their personal spaces seriously and would do anything to protect it. I have a friend who's been engaged forever and she doesn't take it kindly if anyone wants to give a "friendly advice". so I've learnt to respect the boundaries she'd set up on her private life. Its simply not my business unless she invites me into it. As a single mother, I've set up boundaries to protect my son and I. Some men like to take advantage of single mothers because of their vulnerable positions feeding on the woman's emotional and physical needs. They pretend to love the woman's children and use that to get her. Its sad, but true. so I've learnt to be careful about who I let into my life, dont want my son having too many "uncles"..lol. Some think I'm too strict, that I've got too many rules. The truth is that my rules don't only keep unscrupulous characters out of my life but also keep me safe. Imagine a man coming to my house for the first time and suggesting he would love to spend the night? but why! because I'm single and live alone doesnt make me a loose woman!

Coco got a backlash for her behaviour from her husband and she deserved it. Ice T wrote via twitter to his errant wife "Don't get it twisted, I'm not happy about this s**t. Most of (the pictures) are disrespectful and in bad taste. She's made me look and feel like s**t. I say this on Twitter because there's no way to avoid the obvious misconduct of a married couple," ( though I dont approve of a twitter bashing as the appropriate corrective measure but you get my drift). Marriage has its boundaries that is why there are unwritten codes about expected behaviours from married couples. Though most of 21st century marriages confuse me but that's gist for another day. It is expected that both couples should be faithful to each other as well as protect and defend their relationship from external corrosive influences. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Eph 5:25 In Nigeria for instance, a married woman is expected to dress and behave in certain way as part of her marital status. That includes cutting off every ties with past relationships and covering most of her "wares". Though its for private display, It doesnt necessarilly mean she has to be a prude..lol Boundaries are necessary that's why the bible encourages us to put a check on our tongues. You dont just say anything because you've got a tongue or have what to say. Sometimes silence is the best retort you can give in a conversation going south. I have a younger sister that I sometimes feel goes way overboard in everything. she is such a blessing and I have to consciously reign myself in and not constantly butt into her business. Even as sisters we have boundaries that need to be respected no matter the intention. There is a consequence for every action either or good or bad. I hope Coco learns from her misaction and please Ice...forgive Coco. (pictures curtesy www.stylebistro.com)