Tuesday, 26 January 2010
The last couple of weeks have been hectic.Driving over 120 kilometres to school daily has started taking its toll on me but it beats staying at home and gently wasting away on the sofa watching television. The public transportation is not a better alternative either.It would mean leaving home by half six in the morning and getting home late in the evening with no time for Josh.so never mind the stress,I'll drive to Timbuktu just to spend time with my boo!
In the last couple of years, I have done a lot of stressing, worrying and struggling in a bid to survive the proverbial rat race.As the years roll by I constantly nag myself to depression wondering when I'll "make It". However, no matter how hard i tried, i just could not reach my own standard.Many times that tiny familiar voice would whisper negative words in my ears reminding me of past failures, mistakes wrong decisions and lost opportunities.
Of course if you don't measure up to the world's standards or expectations, you will end up doing desperate things or getting lost in the pit of depression.I belonged in the other group. it was 3 years of utter darkness and misery. Dwelling in a deep,dark, hole without hope in sight.The sun would not shine in my world or it shone but i could not see its light. Imagine a world without the rainbow,absence of colours just plain darkness.Its hard to comprehend isn't it? reality could be very harsh or should say I life could be very harsh.
The sad truth is a lot of people dwell in the valley of despair where life is gloomy and repressive.Depression and suicidal thoughts are their constant companions.It is a state of life that is devoid of life and praise. unbelievable don't you think? Sadly even young kids are trapped in this horrible den.
Unfortunately,the web of depression and its entourage is a weapon of the devil. All the negative emotions and thoughts are all lies-a ploy of the devil to distract and destroy lives.
WAY OUT-The word of God. it is the mirror through which we see ourselves.It is the revelation of Christ Jesus. The mirror is not distorted, blemished or broken.it offers hope and life to the broken,dejected and rejected.
In the mirror of God's words "we are beautifully and wonderfully made". Everyone is beautiful and special.It doesn't matter how dirty or horrible the past was,it is the past. Our "now"and future matters to God.
It is no use crying over spilt milk or wondering and worrying about the future so why not rest in the arms of love(JESUS).let Him take the load off your feet.
The drive to school is tiring, stressful and expensive but i get to spend time with josh.He compensates for every aching muscle with his little hugs and kisses. Remember that no matter how hard it seems, it's all good if you look around the bend.
Thursday, 7 January 2010
He shuddered in his coat despite the warmth in the church.It was a packed service as a lot of families had turned out en mass to herald the new year.An albino middle aged man in the opposite pew kept snoring, oblivious to the drone of the electric heater by his side. "why did he come to church if he'd only sleep through the service and disturb other people with his loud snoring" *kola thought to himself. The couple beside the snoring man fidgeted on their seats but were unsure whether to change seats or wake the snoring man.But that would be an herculean task as even the aisles were occupied.
He glanced at his wristwatch.It was 5 minutes to midnight.5 minutes to 2010. A new year, a new beginning but he was sad.It didn't seem like the start of new things for him but an extension of old feelings mainly hurt and loneliness. His breath caught in his chest and he gasped slightly. He pulled his jacket closer and dug his fingers deep into its pockets.
He hated the holidays as it serves as a reminder of the emptiness in his heart.Life had been difficult since he lost his wife to cancer. He'd been inconsolable and vowed never to go to church again. He didn't believe in the gibberish those over dramatic new age pastors drooled.He'd been proved right. Only a wicked God would take his *Kacy* from him.
Its been 3 years since the cruel hands of death snatched his beloved from him. 3 years of misery and intense heartache.He tried to fill the emptiness with booze and women but they only made him more hollow. His apartment was filled with flashy and expensive ornaments but nothing could fill the void in his heart. It felt dark and heavy in his world. He had come tonight on a whim instead of socialising at his company's annual end of year party.
At the stroke of midnight,the pastor cried out "happy new year" and the church was agog with celebration and laughter. Most people left their seats to hug and greet friends and family .No one noticed the man in the gray suit,alone in his seat with tears streaming down his face. it started as a silent cry with gentle shudders until his whole body shook with the tremors of his emotions. He left his seat and staggered into the street confused at the myriad of emotions that threatened to overwhelm him. "I just want to die" he cried as the tears racked him. He felt warm arms wrap around him and looked into the brown eyes of the usher that had offered him a candle earlier. she'd seen him crying and had rushed after him when he ran out of the church. kola doesn't know how long they stayed in that position-him crying and she praying.he only felt the intense peace that washed over him and a burden lifted from his shoulders.
It felt good to have someone to share his feelings with and better still to know Jesus is still in the business of healing wounds. His presence might seem intangible and faraway but He felt so real to the heartbroken man that night.
There is a vacuum in everyone that material positions can never fill except Jesus.Human wants are insatiable.We want more of everything that is why capitalism to a large extent is arguably a success.
Over the years, many of us have faced some sort of trials, setbacks, or disappointments. Some of us have even experienced failure. But in spite of all of that, God has prepared this year, this moment in time for you to have a new beginning.
*The enemy's objective is to keep you locked in yesterday, the place where the pain originates from. God has a different plan for your life. He knows all about the things that have gone wrong*. He understands your pain. The bible records that God took on human form that He might empathize with us.we do not serve a dead god that is afar off but a living God.
2010 is a page unwritten. A chance to write something beautiful about yourself. Challenge your mountain.that seemingly difficult situation is yours for the taking.
Trust in God.Reach beyond the pain and embrace a second chance at a better life.I HAVE!!