Sunday, 5 September 2010

A beautiful marriage? Yes!

I am not the best person to give relationship advice as I've never truly had a memorable one. But i do know what kind of relationship i desire in future. A beautiful, fulfilling, purpose driven,joy filled marriage. Despite the rising number of divorces, i still believe that it is possible to have a beautiful marriage. No single person is flawless as we live in a sinful world but it is our ability to prop each other in moments of weakness, encourage and forgive that forms the foundation of a happy home.
As an individual how fulfilled are you? how whole are you. A lot of people still go about with garbage from past relationships and dump at the feet of their partners expecting miracles to happen. It can never! It takes an emotionally healthy person to have a healthy relationship. An emotionally crippled person will only drag the other person down. Your partner can never complete you, only God can occupy that position. Husbands and wives can only complement each other.
I am an ardent exponent of "healing breaks". There should be a period of re-evaluation following the collapse of any relationship so that past errors would not repeat themselves.If its worth having then it is worth waiting for(Jacob worked 14 years for the hand of Rachel. He never saw it as work. I'm sure for every aching arm, pain in the joint or work related stress the thought of Rachel kept him going.Jacob had a goal so he never minded Laban's deceit.
For any relationship to work it must be goal driven and the foundation must be right.
I had a shocking conversation with a close friend yesterday and i truly felt sorry for her after hearing her warped perception of what to expect from men in a marriage.
She held my hand, looked into my eyes and said only a fool will not expect a man to cheat in a marriage. I felt sad for her cause going into marriage with such a premise is a recipe for disaster.
Of course i expect my man to make mistakes cause we live in a sin riddled world but without trust,relationships are doomed to fail. As men and women we've got roles to play and no one said it would be easy. Both persons ought to have a huge level of commitment and endeavour to have a beautiful relationship, that is why the foundation has to be right. A successful marriage must be founded on the word of God. Moreover, if a man has the fear of God in him, he would not deliberately hurt his partner and vice versa! If you fear God, you will honour your vows, respect your partner and do every thing possible to be the best you can ever be. I love late pastor Bimbo Odukoya's definition of marriage. She said marriage is work! You must work on having a successful marriage. Thank God we have the holy spirit to help us. These days I'm not ashamed to confess my inadequacies to him. He is there to help. we are not meant to walk this road alone. Daily challenges alone will cripple us without the help of the holy spirit.
To have a beautiful relationship you have to invest in yourself and your partner. you invest time, emotion,love.
You must be ready to bare it all-be naked and not ashamed! Adam and Eve never noticed their nakedness until sin crept into their relationship with God. Past mistakes, hurts and failures has made it impossible for couples to expose their fears, dreams and desires with each other out of fear of being hurt or rejected. I am guilty of these as well but I'm learning to take every day one step at a time. I've got this lovely guy in my life and I'm determined to have a beautiful relationship with him(we are not officially dating yet) I am determined not to allow my past experience hold me back but to trust God all the way and i ain't afraid to work for what i want. The goal is to yield my marriage/relationship into the porter's able hands to mould and guide for His glory.
A successful marriage must celebrate and glorify God.So a beautiful marriage is possible cos with God all things are possible.

Single and Content

It was a girls- night- in the other day at my place.4 of my friends had come over with their kids but the lil ones were in bed so it was time for the mamas to let down their hair and have a good ol no-holds-barred discussion. It was d usual banter of pampers, breastfeeding and single living as we were all single parents(topic 4 anoda time) until we got to the matter of sex.Imagine the shock on their faces when I proudly told them I had not had sex in 5 yrs.Suddenly It seemed I had grown two heads.*Miriam blatantly said I was either being secretive or lying and the argument ensued on how I was living in the dark ages, how am I coping with sexual urges,dt I needed a man in my life bla, bla bla.
I am not anti-man but I don’t believe either that one needs a man to live a fulfilled life. Following the birth of my son, I had to prioritise my life and focus on what's important-Me. I have also embraced God's truth about the sanctity of marriage. (Sadly, I learnt that after getting knocked up).However, I’m not living in the rut of the past but I’ve learnt from it. I believe men are created to complement not complete us as women. I refuse to hold myself in check while waiting to be married. I know a couple of ladies that moan about being single and marvel when I say I’m single and content. Of course, I need the occasional assistance but I’ve got no plans to jump off a bridge if I don’t. I've learnt to wait and trust God for a partner and that doesn’t mean I should sample every man that comes my way with the hope that one might be Mr. Right.
The term "my body is the temple of the holy spirit" holds a whole different meaning to me. I have embraced it in all entirety and would not compromise. To the question how i've been able to stay so long without sex? Dearie, the first 2 years were hard but i learnt to invite God in every moment of weakness and the bible rightly says “in my weakness His strength is made manifest. I also avoid sexual discussions or situations that will encourage sexual overtures. And when those werewolves come sniffing at my vine yard I tell them point blank where and what I stand for. I’m too old (still 16) anyway to pussy foot around.
To my girl friends who think I’m weird for what I stand for, well I’ll rather be weird than cheap.
To the ladies out there who think it’s impossible to be single and content....then u've been reading your bible upside down.
Can you abstain from sex while waiting for the right man......yes you can! And be happy.

Sunday, 25 July 2010

The bliss of silence

I layed on my bed, battered bruised and broken. My arm ached but the pain was more emotional as i stared at my amputed fingers. I was glad to be alive but saddened by the death of my friend and 60 + others who died in that tragic accident. while relishing my second chance at life, in came my aunty's friend wailing in a loud voice that would draw the envy of any professional mourner. all was going well until she said in a righteous voice that the occupants of the bus were either not christians or did not pray before embarking on that fateful journey and she ranted on and on in her christianese voice........! It took all my will power not to bash her across the head with my bed side pan not to mention my beloved aunty making faces at me to be quiet. Her words were insensitive, wicked and unkind. Among the people that died in that accident were two pastors going to Lagos for a conference.Even if I did not pray,what about them? Anyway,this happened in 2003. In 2005, i later learnt the lady came down with an unknown disease. I begged my aunty to give me her address so i could go and tell her that she was either not a christian or did not pray that's why she fell ill.
Sounds like the story of Job and his friends doesn't it? but the truth is there are times silence is just golden especially when comforting someone going through tragedy or loss. All was well with Job and his friends until they opened their mouths. Most times a simple hug or companionship is all the hurting person needs not grand words that turn out to be grand trash. Imagine consoling a woman who just lost a baby after years of waiting with "the lord giveth and the lord taketh". Ofcourse the person is right but to the grieving mother those words are not apt at all! I sought advice from a pastor 3 years ago whose words condemed rather than empathise,encourage or heal. Ofcourse there is a place of admonition in councelling it shldnt be condemnation. No man or woman is infallible. Years later,he had issues in his marriage( i'm not gloating just wondering was he not a praying person or what happened).
Silence or quietness is not a sign of weakness as most people think but rather an epitome of strength and dignity. It takes great restraint to hold ones emotions or words in check. If you check talkative people always land themselves in trouble. I am naturally a loud person but it took years Of discipline and maturity to just be quiet and let others take the floor. Because everyone describes you as funny doesnt mean they appreciate your joke at every given chance PULEEEEEEEASE!
Weigh the situation, punder over your words before you spew them and if unsure simply shush!!! your silence might just be the bliss required to make the difference

Saturday, 24 July 2010

What you think about matters.

I woke up this morning upset.For reasons i couldn't fathom i was angry. Joshua's smile and early morning antics only made matters worse. i searched my mind for the cause of my annoyance and found no logical reasons for the dark clouds. Could it be because I have not studied or read my bible properly in two days, i wondered. Shrugging off my bed covers, i went downstairs to make breakfast for the lil boss. The innocent boy was unaware he was treading on dangerous waters as he kept skipping and bouncing around me almost tripping me more than twice. I sighed as i poured milk into a bowl and placed it in the micro wave.
I made up my mind instantly while watching the milk warm that I'll not allow this dark cloud loom any larger. i began praising God and switched on the radio in the living room. Sweet melodious christian song gently filled the house and my heart and slowly my countenance lifted.
The devil cannot rob me off the joy of another day. I have purposed to always adopt an attitude of praise no matter the situation. Joy is a precious gift from God to His children that is not determined by circumstances or situations. Paul and Silas were determined not to be overwhelmed by their prison experience but chose to praise God anyway.
Thoughts are like seed that gradually blossom when watered either with faith or fear. A seemingly mindless concern about the future can become a full fledged worry or frustration if not nipped in the bud.We read in 2 Corinthians 10:5 that we should cast down "arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ."
We need to learn to deflect every form of worry or negative thinking with the word of God and choose to live a joy filled life.Phil 4:8"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things". our thoughts must glorify God as Almighty and All sufficient father. Anxiety limits God. I had cause to worry about a medical report recently but i later shook off the feeling and encouraged myself in the lord. my doctor is not God. only God has the final say over my life-no one else does. the word of God is the final jurisdiction over all that concerns me.
What you think about matters. In the book of 2 cor 6:7, God acknowledged David's desire to build him a temple because it was in his(David's) heart to do so.
So, i am determined to guard my heart and mind and hold every thought captive that wants to exalt against the knowledge of God.
If the word of God says it then i believe It.....Why Worry?

Saturday, 3 July 2010

It's ok to turn off the T.V

Everyone has a weakness. Believe it or not mine is television. It started with Buffy the vampire slayer when i was pregnant and bored out of my wits never mind despodent and alone.I could sit hours on end and watch one cleverly weaved episode of Coronation Street and Emmadale, one after the other with no care for the outside world. I guess it was a way of escape for me. A desired and deserved escape into the world of fantasy. My friends knew never to disturb me when any of my fav programmes were showing.
With satelite television came the birth of my obsession with Homer Simpson, the beloved hero and simpleton of Springfield.I am unashammedly in love and maybe in tune with dearest homer.Dohhhh!nothing comes between me and my homy not even you.

However in the past couple of weeks and more determinedly in the last few days, I have learnt to switch off the t.v to spend quality play time with joshua. we sit together on the floor and do whatever game comes to mind. Believe me its time well spent.
As parents or individuals technology has taken its toll on the amount of quality time we spend with each other.its either facebook or the latest gadget i.e phone Ipod or the most dreaded-work!
A constant sight on the train, bus or casual stroll is a tenager with head buried in a fancy toy, ear plugs and music blaring not noticing or caring about whose seated close by or walking past. Technology has replaced relationships-no body smiles in greeting or even bother to say hello anymore.It has moved from the level of entertaiment to clear cut obsession with most people.
There is just too much noise and distraction all around us. Aside from these, there's the daily hustle and bustle.Couples barely see each other nor spend quality time with their kids. No wonder the society is becoming dyfunctional and divource rates on the increase.everyone is busy is in search of the proverbial golden fleece.
After concluding my course in June,I decided to keep other plans on hold and spend time with my boo at least till he starts junior was a hard decision but one that was imperative.Ofcourse like most single mothers i need the extra money, but money can not equate time invested in his young life.There is so much that teachers and nannies can do but the bulk work lies with the parent. Time also flies by so quick you wonder where the years have gone and before you know it, he'll be introducing me to his girlfriend. This new level of positive parenting is a new level for me to think motherhood never came easy to me. Its still a challenge but everyday is a new experience and requires a new level of grace.
We are responsible for the next genration and generations yet unborn. Every behaviour is an example aptly absorbed and emulated by our be carefull what you say or do around the kids. Arguements between parents should not turn out to be full fledged shouting war or God forbid wrestling bouts. Yep, the bills have to be paid but you dont have to take every avalaible extra shifts at work. Back in Nigeria 5 years ago, most saturdays were bonding time for my younger sister and I. no matter how hectic my work schedule was, i did my best to free my weekends for her as i was the mother figure she had afte we lost our mum in 2000.
No one said the journey was going to be easy but hey its a priviledge to be mothers/parents.
So i'm loggiong off very soon to read a story to josh, roll some more on the floor and sing Incy wincy spider. yep,I'll be turning off the television.

Monday, 7 June 2010

Running the Race

Life is a privilege. It doesn't matter where you're at or what you are going through,the simple truth remains that life is a privilege.Many times our comfortable life is rocked by tragedies,difficulties,sickness,an errant son or husband-the list is endless-and we feel we cant go on. The pain is worse when the hurt is close to home. Hmmmm. Life is a challenge and daily living a hurdle. sometimes the road is inter layed with sporadic bursts of laughter, success and wham!!! in your face disaster that rocks the boat. Sometimes you run,jog,crawl and most times drag your feet but you just keep moving. Over the weekend the annual Athy Triathlon took place.It is an interesting sporting event that involves ardous swimming,cycling and running-not meant for the faint hearted believe me. The athletes that however caught my eyes were the stragglers.. They were the ones lagging behind but not giving up. Slowly but surely making their way to the finish line. some were practically dragging their feet but refused to give up on the race. I noticed two ladies laughing and chatting along the way not mindful of others that speed past them. The fact is they were moving and not stuck at a spot.I also applaud them for participating in the game at all. The barrow river which was one of the hurdles looked muddy and smelly but they swam in it!! that must have been difficult.
It doesn't matter the length of the race but the joy and memories of the journey. There will be muddy and treacherous waters to cross,bumpy roads to cycle and uneven roads to walk but there is a crown of glory set before us if we do not faint.Heb 12:1-2."Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us". I recall with sadness the recent sucide attempt of model Naomi Lenoir

The 30-year-old, who has become a household name in the UK after spearheading an advertising campaign for Marks & Spencer, was found lying in a forest in La Celle-Saint-Cloud, on the outskirts of Paris.this is is a woman that the world is seemingly her oyster. When you make the mistake of taking your focus of God and unto your problems the outcome is disastrous.2 cor 3:5 "Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think any thing as of ourselves; but our sufficiency is of God"
I have along the journey adopted an attitude of praise. I have reached inward and tapped into the the deposit of grace in my life. For every phase in life,there is a deposit of grace.Therefore, we cannot be overwhelmed by challenges no matter how dire it may seem.God has promised in Isaiah 54:10 Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the LORD, who has compassion on you".God will always sustain us no matter the situation for His word is His will.
I don't compare myself with others no mater how far ahead in the race they might be. I might be slow but I'm not out.Like my friends in the just concluded Athy triathlon,it is a privilege to be in the race and hey,the crowd is still cheering.

Saturday, 29 May 2010

Mama's Day In.

Its so rare for me to be at home on a Saturday. I usually would have dashed out early to make Josh's play therapy session in Dublin,sight-see and maybe do a bit of window/actual shopping.So its so relaxing to be able to wake up with ease and loaf around in my pyjamas.What a relief!!! I've got so much kinks in my body for lack of proper rest and I'm enjoying this day to the max and that includes not taking my bath(u should know by now that I'm've got a huge back log of laundry and cleaning to do but no rush,I'll ease my myself into that.
Gladys proposes,Gladys disposes! Hmmm! freedom is good but i guess I'm beginning to abuse it.I got stuck as usual in front of the television and totally forgot about my carefully laid out plans for the day.Reluctantly,I made a conscious decision to get the house sorted.I eventually lifted my ample behind from my beloved couch and straight into the kitchen,sorted the laundry and prepared lunch for josh.
My laid back attitude today got me thinking on the christian journey.The difference between a champion and a loser is in the amount of effort put in the challenge or task at hand. As Christians,we bask in past victories without adequate thoughts for future battles. That is why we mostly falter in the face of problems(it is the reason i fell apart a couple of weeks back) A blunt sword is useless in war and a soldier with depleted ammunition is in for trouble. Living a victorious life is a concerted and deliberate effort.The devil never rests so why should we rest on our oars(1 pet 5:8 Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour). I am not perfect but striving toward perfection so like you I'm eager to learn and apply every word in the bible to daily living. The key to victorious living is to daily read the bible and pray.The bible says faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God. It should be a ceaseless flow. There is nothing like a holiday.We must be spiritually connected at all times. Three years ago, I purposed in my heart that i would never reject or refuse any opportunity to lead prayers at any occasion whether I'm given prior notice or not. As God's soldiers we should be ever ready. An easy analogy in the bible is the story of David and Bathsheba. The bible records that when kings were at were at war David was at home and got ensnared with lust towards another man's wife(2Sam 11).
We need to daily immerse ourselves in the word and cloth ourself with grace in other to be good ambassadors as well as be prepared for the challenges that will definitely come our way. you never know who will need a word of encouragement during the course of the day.
I may not be in Dublin today but I'll not waste the day by being glued to the t.v or sleeping the day away. Its back to the cleaning,laundry and a day of fun with my favourite person in the world-JOSHUA.

Wednesday, 19 May 2010

Growing In God

I am not perfect! I'm fully aware of my shortcomings and weaknesses.However, I am a strong woman. I may crumble under pressure but I don't lie low for too long.Nah!not this sister!
My life is a journey and I have encountered a lot of bumps on the way(some caused by bad choices)but hey! I'm still here. I have overcome challenges that might crumble other people but they've only left me with scars.I don't hide my scars,I flaunt them. They are reminders of battles lost and won.Trophies to display and regale along the way. Its no wonder I stopped wearing my prosthesis(I had an accident in 2003 that led to the loss of 3 fingers on my right hand).
I don't view myself as disabled but physically challenged. The prosthesis disable me-i always felt i was hiding something bad.
My rebellion from the bondage of the prosthesis is a reflection of my flip side. It is an open message to the world that I'm a strong woman but also vulnerable.My appearance and my voice is strong but I'm also soft.Moreover, my 7 fingers and apparent "disability" is the sound of amazing grace. God in in His infinite mercy delivered me from the clutches of death that I might declare His glory among the living!!! hallelujah!!!!! I'm planning on doing a photo shoot titled "I AM BEAUTIFUL". Its a beauty and the beast kinda thing(need to lose more weight lol).
I have also not lost my ability to laugh or my penchant for humour.Laughter is the breadline of life. A life devoid of laughter is worthless(read my earlier post "Too Posh To Laugh".
The last five years have been huge.I have learnt to cry(a lot) but also matured. Things that seemed important and to die for no longer faze me(e.g sex!To the glory of God I've abstained for 5 years).I am also content but still learning to wait on God.
In all, when caught in the storm or tossed by the waves of difficult situations, i raise my head and swim against the tide. I refuse to be submerged.
My experiences are my testimony. They are reminders of God's faithfulness and ability to deliver.So, i am not ashamed! I am proud of myself! my ability to cry and make mistakes shows my humanity but the grace to overcome shows God's divinty.

Monday, 17 May 2010

Giving up on grace!

There is nothing too difficult for God.No mountain insurmountable before the mighty one.He is my refuge and strength.An ever present help in times of trouble.He is not the God of abandoned project.Though it feels difficult yet I will praise him.
Its too late to turn back now. In fact there is nothing to turn back to. So I'll forge ahead and keep trusting. My heart is burdened and heavy but I turn to him who has promised never to leave nor forsake me. Yes, I get angry, frustrated and sometimes doubt His love but i always crawl back. Lord, for how long will the vision tarry? I need your strength.
Its supposed to be a day of celebration but I ended up crying! A simple reminder of a nagging issue made the tears stream. I seem to cry easily these days. To the outside world I strike a strong confident pose but in my inner chambers I'm just a little girl whose warm blanket got yanked away and is now left to seek warmth on her own.
What pains me most is that I know God but I have become familiar with Him. I seem to have a head knowledge and not a revelationary knowledge of His ways. Quoting scriptures, the loud fire brand prayers(u need to see dis sista pray) and endless righteous attitude, d crack is beginning to show..No wonder I'm overwhelmed. Its time to go back to the drawing board, back to the beginning and start afresh. No more Mrs know-all.My James Bond attitude is wearing thin.
I believe one of the issues affecting my relationship with God is that I reason too much when God is asking for simple Faith.
Galatians 2:20-21 " the life i now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.I do not set aside the grace of God;for if righteousness comes through the law then Christ died in vain".
The christian race is by grace and not by our efforts. God did not create you and I to be independent of Him. Neither does He expect us to manouver life's journey on our own strenth-it is nigh impossible and fustrating.2 kings 19 recounts how Elijah was given nourishment by an angel to empower him after he fled from Jezebel. Elijah was at a point that he was fearful and discouraged. He had easily forgotten God's victory at mount carmel in the face of fresh challenges. Just like you and I when beset with problems.Every time we doubt or fear,we simply call God a liar.
I try so hard to be a good girl that I've made a beautiful relationship a burden.I fear failing so much that I've crumbled under the weight of my self inflicted burden. The incessant crying are signs of lack of trust in the Almighty when trust and simple faith are basis for any relationship to thrive.
With renewed purpose, I am going back to the master architect.I'm going back on my kness and i'm letting His plan for my life unfold. I'm tired of struggling and fighting His purpose for my life.its like swimming against a tidal wave(a fruitless venture) I'm not ashammed nor afraid to be weak.God's strength is made plain in my weakness. I refuse to give up on Grace so i'm sailing on the wings of love.

Wednesday, 7 April 2010

Shelter in the rain.

What do you do when it seems all is bleak and heaven's gates are closed to your prayers? Cry and wonder when the sun would rise and shine again when all you see around you are dark clouds and impending storms? well,it seemed like that this morning for me. I was hurt and upset when a nagging issue that I've been praying and believing God for an answer to reared its ugly head again and almost marred my day.
I was called out from school by Josh's teacher that he'd hit a girl and bitten two teachers who tried to calm him. Whatever could have upset him i wondered? This is almost the 4Th time I've been called out to pick him up from creche and its a pattern I'm not taking lightly He is usually a cool,friendly and lovable boy except when he is upset. It is particularly distressing for him cos he is yet to utter any audible sound. This clearly frustrates him,angers and saddens me.His cute little way of stamping his feet in annoyance or defiance are no longer funny but painful to watch. As a mother I pray other kids wont take advantage of him or prey on his inability to express his needs or complain.
I've prayed all manner of prayers and made all kind of requests but the result is seemingly not forthcoming.
Daily living is stressful enough without the added pressure of worrying about one's child'development.Lord why? The tears streamed down my face but I gathered my errant thoughts together and asked the lord for strength. "Lord, I need you to turn this mess of mine into a message".
Having a head knowledge of God is not enough to fight life's constant battles but a revelation knowledge of the most High is the key. You might know scriptures and quote them at every given occasion but without faith and conviction,its all noise with a resounding echo.
God does not make mistakes neither does the Almighty forget.His thoughts towards us are thoughts of good and not of evil.I may not understand the greater good or see the bigger picture but I choose to trust His infinite wisdom and praise Him all the way. I refuse to be discouraged or be hopeless because I've got Jesus.It is impossible for me to be weighed down when I've got the burden bearer as my lord and personal saviour.Dear friends, the battle has been won and the devil is fighting a lost cause.
I've traded my pain,shame,fears, ambition, sickness,present, future for the joy of the lord and I'm not taking them back.
Josh is wonderfully and fearfully made in the image of God so I've got no worries there. No matter the reports of the doctors or view point of any man or woman,I've chosen to believe the report of the lord.What about you? The bible says "you shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free. however, you cant know the truth if you don't have a personal encounter with Jesus cos "He is the way,the truth and the life".
Despite the clapping thunder,the storms and tempest of life raging against me, i choose to keep my eyes stilled on Jesus for He gives shelter in the rain. Even as David said "the lord is my refuge,You are my portion in the land of the living";I choose to trust Him.
I have exchanged all the lies of the devil for the truth of God's word so I can laugh and dance no matter the odds cos the odds will always be in my favour.Hallelujah!

Friday, 12 March 2010

Embracing The father's Love

I'll never understand so I probably should stop trying.I have racked my brains but it only gets complicated and the reason completely eludes me. what mind can comprehend the love God has for me? It is totally unfathomable. I am the most mind boggling person I have ever met.In fact I baffle myself. on the surface, I have this cool veneer but u don't want to mess with me cos I'm a dynamite waiting to explode . All u have to do is find the trigger lol. It is so difficult controlling myself but God has been my help. Hyper does not come close to describing me if my inner self is let out without a leash.
Everybody has got a past and I'm no different. sometimes I wonder why I went through the things i did and how I've survived. The good news is I'm still here and for a divine purpose.
Why Does God love me? I'm a danger waiting to happen just keep away the fireworks.
I have messed up so much in the past that i feared taking His grace for granted. Ironically, in my small way,I've tried to make up for my shortcomings by trying to earn His love by being good. But you can never be good enough for God nor earn His love. It is nigh impossible!!!God brought grace into our lives in the form of Jesus as humans beings can neither live nor excel through laws-we will always came short of being perfect.However in the perfect mirror of grace,we are made whole and right in Christ.Hallelujah.
Dearly beloved, over the years, I have learnt to trust God to make a way where there seems to be no way,to supply my needs in the days of lack, and calm turbulent situations that would have overwhelmed me otherwise. Sometimes, it might seem difficult to trust or hope when the bills are mounting and one is frail with fear. Yet we have the reassurance of God's words.Like little children, the bible encourages us to trust God with our dreams,desires and fears. Psalm 55:22 states "Cast your burden on the Lord and He shall sustain you;He shall never permit the righteous to be moved".Isn't that glorious? Our circumstances,pain,failures shouldn't drive us away from God rather drive us into His loving arms. Many people who have a distorted concept of fatherhood most times liken God to their earthly parents. But that is so wrong.I pray the lord heal every broken and abused heart in Jesus name.
Remember it does not matter where you are,who you are or what you have done, God loves you and can't wait to have u back home into His warm loving arms.

Monday, 8 March 2010

No more Excuses

Oh lord, why did I eat that extra helping of mashed potato with the delicious Oha soup ladled with stock fish,cow leg,smoked turkey and diced beef? which kind wahala be dis? Now I'm stuffed to the brim.I can barely lift my butt off the sofa to wash my hands or even get a glass of water to drink.Even josh seems to know that I've crossed the line with my lethargic slouch and dazed look.hmmmmm! this must be how junkies feel after hitting the needle!
I've been trying to lose weight for ages but shifting the pounds has been more difficult than I love for food is not helping matters(i practically salivate at the thought of dinner even at breakfast.I weigh 94 kg,wear a UK size 18 and can barely make it up the short flight of stairs in my house. To make matters worse,I don't feel sexy(can't imagine myself stripping to my birthday suit in front of any man-no sir!!).Moreover who needs a mass of flesh as a has healed my body issues. bless Him)
My journey to full figure started when I was pregnant(yeah, blame it on the innocent kid).I became addicted rather obsessed with pounded yam and egusi soup not to forget garri ijebu.I'd brave the Irish blistering cold to have my fill of this delicious delicacy at my favourite African restaurant in the city centre(Dublin).I was such a sight with my bulging tummy and this weird ecstatic look on my face as I gobbled morsel after morsel of poundy .surely someone should have notified the authorities about a pregnant lady gone lose over food(guess nobody cared-now I'm blaming it on strangers).
PLAHHHH!!!!Get over yourself.You are responsible for who you are and a product of the choices you make. I am semi obese today because of the wrong turns I've taken and persistently stuck to.Sadly,I am also diabetic and need to shed the excess fat or risk dying at an early age. The thought of dying young scares me because of my little lad which is the more reason for me to control my appetite and get serious with my diet.The fact was I lacked self control,over indulged in food and had no respect for my body.
1 Corinthians 6:19 says "Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit.who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not Ur own". why do we then live life like we are not accountable for what we do with our time and our bodies. Man is primarily created to honour God with our lives."Our flesh wants immediate self-gratification at all costs and will stop at nothing to try and get it. Our spirits know that some of our fleshly desires are not right for us and as a result, there will be a tug of war between the two - and sometimes it will be a major tug of war. And the only thing that will be able to curb and control some of the desires of our flesh is the quality of self-control we possess".
Enough of the excuses.The mistakes have been and it is now time to take control.
It is not an easy road but it is one that is required of us all.I've realised that I can't do it by myself as I sincerely lack the will power or the strength to embark on such a arduous task but the holy spirit is available to help."We all need God's self-control operating in our lives and in our personalities if we are going to have any hope in getting cleaned up and properly sanctified to the degree that He would like to get us to in this life".
The blind man at the pool of Bethesda spent 38 fruitful years of his life making excuses and even continued when Jesus asked if he wanted to get healed.
I want to be healthy and fulfil destiny.I want to wear lovely clothes and feel attractive but wishing upon a star doesn't get results. A change of lifestyle and attitude is the key with the help of the holy spirit and a mighty dose of discipline.
The key is "No more excuses as all things are possible to him that believes.

Tuesday, 26 January 2010

It's All Good.

The last couple of weeks have been hectic.Driving over 120 kilometres to school daily has started taking its toll on me but it beats staying at home and gently wasting away on the sofa watching television. The public transportation is not a better alternative either.It would mean leaving home by half six in the morning and getting home late in the evening with no time for never mind the stress,I'll drive to Timbuktu just to spend time with my boo!
In the last couple of years, I have done a lot of stressing, worrying and struggling in a bid to survive the proverbial rat race.As the years roll by I constantly nag myself to depression wondering when I'll "make It". However, no matter how hard i tried, i just could not reach my own standard.Many times that tiny familiar voice would whisper negative words in my ears reminding me of past failures, mistakes wrong decisions and lost opportunities.
Of course if you don't measure up to the world's standards or expectations, you will end up doing desperate things or getting lost in the pit of depression.I belonged in the other group. it was 3 years of utter darkness and misery. Dwelling in a deep,dark, hole without hope in sight.The sun would not shine in my world or it shone but i could not see its light. Imagine a world without the rainbow,absence of colours just plain darkness.Its hard to comprehend isn't it? reality could be very harsh or should say I life could be very harsh.
The sad truth is a lot of people dwell in the valley of despair where life is gloomy and repressive.Depression and suicidal thoughts are their constant companions.It is a state of life that is devoid of life and praise. unbelievable don't you think? Sadly even young kids are trapped in this horrible den.
Unfortunately,the web of depression and its entourage is a weapon of the devil. All the negative emotions and thoughts are all lies-a ploy of the devil to distract and destroy lives.
WAY OUT-The word of God. it is the mirror through which we see ourselves.It is the revelation of Christ Jesus. The mirror is not distorted, blemished or offers hope and life to the broken,dejected and rejected.
In the mirror of God's words "we are beautifully and wonderfully made". Everyone is beautiful and special.It doesn't matter how dirty or horrible the past was,it is the past. Our "now"and future matters to God.
It is no use crying over spilt milk or wondering and worrying about the future so why not rest in the arms of love(JESUS).let Him take the load off your feet.
The drive to school is tiring, stressful and expensive but i get to spend time with josh.He compensates for every aching muscle with his little hugs and kisses. Remember that no matter how hard it seems, it's all good if you look around the bend.

Thursday, 7 January 2010

Alone in the dark

He shuddered in his coat despite the warmth in the church.It was a packed service as a lot of families had turned out en mass to herald the new year.An albino middle aged man in the opposite pew kept snoring, oblivious to the drone of the electric heater by his side. "why did he come to church if he'd only sleep through the service and disturb other people with his loud snoring" *kola thought to himself. The couple beside the snoring man fidgeted on their seats but were unsure whether to change seats or wake the snoring man.But that would be an herculean task as even the aisles were occupied.
He glanced at his wristwatch.It was 5 minutes to midnight.5 minutes to 2010. A new year, a new beginning but he was sad.It didn't seem like the start of new things for him but an extension of old feelings mainly hurt and loneliness. His breath caught in his chest and he gasped slightly. He pulled his jacket closer and dug his fingers deep into its pockets.
He hated the holidays as it serves as a reminder of the emptiness in his heart.Life had been difficult since he lost his wife to cancer. He'd been inconsolable and vowed never to go to church again. He didn't believe in the gibberish those over dramatic new age pastors drooled.He'd been proved right. Only a wicked God would take his *Kacy* from him.
Its been 3 years since the cruel hands of death snatched his beloved from him. 3 years of misery and intense heartache.He tried to fill the emptiness with booze and women but they only made him more hollow. His apartment was filled with flashy and expensive ornaments but nothing could fill the void in his heart. It felt dark and heavy in his world. He had come tonight on a whim instead of socialising at his company's annual end of year party.
At the stroke of midnight,the pastor cried out "happy new year" and the church was agog with celebration and laughter. Most people left their seats to hug and greet friends and family .No one noticed the man in the gray suit,alone in his seat with tears streaming down his face. it started as a silent cry with gentle shudders until his whole body shook with the tremors of his emotions. He left his seat and staggered into the street confused at the myriad of emotions that threatened to overwhelm him. "I just want to die" he cried as the tears racked him. He felt warm arms wrap around him and looked into the brown eyes of the usher that had offered him a candle earlier. she'd seen him crying and had rushed after him when he ran out of the church. kola doesn't know how long they stayed in that position-him crying and she praying.he only felt the intense peace that washed over him and a burden lifted from his shoulders.
It felt good to have someone to share his feelings with and better still to know Jesus is still in the business of healing wounds. His presence might seem intangible and faraway but He felt so real to the heartbroken man that night.
There is a vacuum in everyone that material positions can never fill except Jesus.Human wants are insatiable.We want more of everything that is why capitalism to a large extent is arguably a success.
Over the years, many of us have faced some sort of trials, setbacks, or disappointments. Some of us have even experienced failure. But in spite of all of that, God has prepared this year, this moment in time for you to have a new beginning.
*The enemy's objective is to keep you locked in yesterday, the place where the pain originates from. God has a different plan for your life. He knows all about the things that have gone wrong*. He understands your pain. The bible records that God took on human form that He might empathize with us.we do not serve a dead god that is afar off but a living God.
2010 is a page unwritten. A chance to write something beautiful about yourself. Challenge your mountain.that seemingly difficult situation is yours for the taking.
Trust in God.Reach beyond the pain and embrace a second chance at a better life.I HAVE!!