Saturday, 29 May 2010

Mama's Day In.

Its so rare for me to be at home on a Saturday. I usually would have dashed out early to make Josh's play therapy session in Dublin,sight-see and maybe do a bit of window/actual shopping.So its so relaxing to be able to wake up with ease and loaf around in my pyjamas.What a relief!!! I've got so much kinks in my body for lack of proper rest and I'm enjoying this day to the max and that includes not taking my bath(u should know by now that I'm've got a huge back log of laundry and cleaning to do but no rush,I'll ease my myself into that.
Gladys proposes,Gladys disposes! Hmmm! freedom is good but i guess I'm beginning to abuse it.I got stuck as usual in front of the television and totally forgot about my carefully laid out plans for the day.Reluctantly,I made a conscious decision to get the house sorted.I eventually lifted my ample behind from my beloved couch and straight into the kitchen,sorted the laundry and prepared lunch for josh.
My laid back attitude today got me thinking on the christian journey.The difference between a champion and a loser is in the amount of effort put in the challenge or task at hand. As Christians,we bask in past victories without adequate thoughts for future battles. That is why we mostly falter in the face of problems(it is the reason i fell apart a couple of weeks back) A blunt sword is useless in war and a soldier with depleted ammunition is in for trouble. Living a victorious life is a concerted and deliberate effort.The devil never rests so why should we rest on our oars(1 pet 5:8 Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour). I am not perfect but striving toward perfection so like you I'm eager to learn and apply every word in the bible to daily living. The key to victorious living is to daily read the bible and pray.The bible says faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God. It should be a ceaseless flow. There is nothing like a holiday.We must be spiritually connected at all times. Three years ago, I purposed in my heart that i would never reject or refuse any opportunity to lead prayers at any occasion whether I'm given prior notice or not. As God's soldiers we should be ever ready. An easy analogy in the bible is the story of David and Bathsheba. The bible records that when kings were at were at war David was at home and got ensnared with lust towards another man's wife(2Sam 11).
We need to daily immerse ourselves in the word and cloth ourself with grace in other to be good ambassadors as well as be prepared for the challenges that will definitely come our way. you never know who will need a word of encouragement during the course of the day.
I may not be in Dublin today but I'll not waste the day by being glued to the t.v or sleeping the day away. Its back to the cleaning,laundry and a day of fun with my favourite person in the world-JOSHUA.

Wednesday, 19 May 2010

Growing In God

I am not perfect! I'm fully aware of my shortcomings and weaknesses.However, I am a strong woman. I may crumble under pressure but I don't lie low for too long.Nah!not this sister!
My life is a journey and I have encountered a lot of bumps on the way(some caused by bad choices)but hey! I'm still here. I have overcome challenges that might crumble other people but they've only left me with scars.I don't hide my scars,I flaunt them. They are reminders of battles lost and won.Trophies to display and regale along the way. Its no wonder I stopped wearing my prosthesis(I had an accident in 2003 that led to the loss of 3 fingers on my right hand).
I don't view myself as disabled but physically challenged. The prosthesis disable me-i always felt i was hiding something bad.
My rebellion from the bondage of the prosthesis is a reflection of my flip side. It is an open message to the world that I'm a strong woman but also vulnerable.My appearance and my voice is strong but I'm also soft.Moreover, my 7 fingers and apparent "disability" is the sound of amazing grace. God in in His infinite mercy delivered me from the clutches of death that I might declare His glory among the living!!! hallelujah!!!!! I'm planning on doing a photo shoot titled "I AM BEAUTIFUL". Its a beauty and the beast kinda thing(need to lose more weight lol).
I have also not lost my ability to laugh or my penchant for humour.Laughter is the breadline of life. A life devoid of laughter is worthless(read my earlier post "Too Posh To Laugh".
The last five years have been huge.I have learnt to cry(a lot) but also matured. Things that seemed important and to die for no longer faze me(e.g sex!To the glory of God I've abstained for 5 years).I am also content but still learning to wait on God.
In all, when caught in the storm or tossed by the waves of difficult situations, i raise my head and swim against the tide. I refuse to be submerged.
My experiences are my testimony. They are reminders of God's faithfulness and ability to deliver.So, i am not ashamed! I am proud of myself! my ability to cry and make mistakes shows my humanity but the grace to overcome shows God's divinty.

Monday, 17 May 2010

Giving up on grace!

There is nothing too difficult for God.No mountain insurmountable before the mighty one.He is my refuge and strength.An ever present help in times of trouble.He is not the God of abandoned project.Though it feels difficult yet I will praise him.
Its too late to turn back now. In fact there is nothing to turn back to. So I'll forge ahead and keep trusting. My heart is burdened and heavy but I turn to him who has promised never to leave nor forsake me. Yes, I get angry, frustrated and sometimes doubt His love but i always crawl back. Lord, for how long will the vision tarry? I need your strength.
Its supposed to be a day of celebration but I ended up crying! A simple reminder of a nagging issue made the tears stream. I seem to cry easily these days. To the outside world I strike a strong confident pose but in my inner chambers I'm just a little girl whose warm blanket got yanked away and is now left to seek warmth on her own.
What pains me most is that I know God but I have become familiar with Him. I seem to have a head knowledge and not a revelationary knowledge of His ways. Quoting scriptures, the loud fire brand prayers(u need to see dis sista pray) and endless righteous attitude, d crack is beginning to show..No wonder I'm overwhelmed. Its time to go back to the drawing board, back to the beginning and start afresh. No more Mrs know-all.My James Bond attitude is wearing thin.
I believe one of the issues affecting my relationship with God is that I reason too much when God is asking for simple Faith.
Galatians 2:20-21 " the life i now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.I do not set aside the grace of God;for if righteousness comes through the law then Christ died in vain".
The christian race is by grace and not by our efforts. God did not create you and I to be independent of Him. Neither does He expect us to manouver life's journey on our own strenth-it is nigh impossible and fustrating.2 kings 19 recounts how Elijah was given nourishment by an angel to empower him after he fled from Jezebel. Elijah was at a point that he was fearful and discouraged. He had easily forgotten God's victory at mount carmel in the face of fresh challenges. Just like you and I when beset with problems.Every time we doubt or fear,we simply call God a liar.
I try so hard to be a good girl that I've made a beautiful relationship a burden.I fear failing so much that I've crumbled under the weight of my self inflicted burden. The incessant crying are signs of lack of trust in the Almighty when trust and simple faith are basis for any relationship to thrive.
With renewed purpose, I am going back to the master architect.I'm going back on my kness and i'm letting His plan for my life unfold. I'm tired of struggling and fighting His purpose for my life.its like swimming against a tidal wave(a fruitless venture) I'm not ashammed nor afraid to be weak.God's strength is made plain in my weakness. I refuse to give up on Grace so i'm sailing on the wings of love.