Sunday, 5 September 2010

A beautiful marriage? Yes!

I am not the best person to give relationship advice as I've never truly had a memorable one. But i do know what kind of relationship i desire in future. A beautiful, fulfilling, purpose driven,joy filled marriage. Despite the rising number of divorces, i still believe that it is possible to have a beautiful marriage. No single person is flawless as we live in a sinful world but it is our ability to prop each other in moments of weakness, encourage and forgive that forms the foundation of a happy home.
As an individual how fulfilled are you? how whole are you. A lot of people still go about with garbage from past relationships and dump at the feet of their partners expecting miracles to happen. It can never! It takes an emotionally healthy person to have a healthy relationship. An emotionally crippled person will only drag the other person down. Your partner can never complete you, only God can occupy that position. Husbands and wives can only complement each other.
I am an ardent exponent of "healing breaks". There should be a period of re-evaluation following the collapse of any relationship so that past errors would not repeat themselves.If its worth having then it is worth waiting for(Jacob worked 14 years for the hand of Rachel. He never saw it as work. I'm sure for every aching arm, pain in the joint or work related stress the thought of Rachel kept him going.Jacob had a goal so he never minded Laban's deceit.
For any relationship to work it must be goal driven and the foundation must be right.
I had a shocking conversation with a close friend yesterday and i truly felt sorry for her after hearing her warped perception of what to expect from men in a marriage.
She held my hand, looked into my eyes and said only a fool will not expect a man to cheat in a marriage. I felt sad for her cause going into marriage with such a premise is a recipe for disaster.
Of course i expect my man to make mistakes cause we live in a sin riddled world but without trust,relationships are doomed to fail. As men and women we've got roles to play and no one said it would be easy. Both persons ought to have a huge level of commitment and endeavour to have a beautiful relationship, that is why the foundation has to be right. A successful marriage must be founded on the word of God. Moreover, if a man has the fear of God in him, he would not deliberately hurt his partner and vice versa! If you fear God, you will honour your vows, respect your partner and do every thing possible to be the best you can ever be. I love late pastor Bimbo Odukoya's definition of marriage. She said marriage is work! You must work on having a successful marriage. Thank God we have the holy spirit to help us. These days I'm not ashamed to confess my inadequacies to him. He is there to help. we are not meant to walk this road alone. Daily challenges alone will cripple us without the help of the holy spirit.
To have a beautiful relationship you have to invest in yourself and your partner. you invest time, emotion,love.
You must be ready to bare it all-be naked and not ashamed! Adam and Eve never noticed their nakedness until sin crept into their relationship with God. Past mistakes, hurts and failures has made it impossible for couples to expose their fears, dreams and desires with each other out of fear of being hurt or rejected. I am guilty of these as well but I'm learning to take every day one step at a time. I've got this lovely guy in my life and I'm determined to have a beautiful relationship with him(we are not officially dating yet) I am determined not to allow my past experience hold me back but to trust God all the way and i ain't afraid to work for what i want. The goal is to yield my marriage/relationship into the porter's able hands to mould and guide for His glory.
A successful marriage must celebrate and glorify God.So a beautiful marriage is possible cos with God all things are possible.

Single and Content

It was a girls- night- in the other day at my place.4 of my friends had come over with their kids but the lil ones were in bed so it was time for the mamas to let down their hair and have a good ol no-holds-barred discussion. It was d usual banter of pampers, breastfeeding and single living as we were all single parents(topic 4 anoda time) until we got to the matter of sex.Imagine the shock on their faces when I proudly told them I had not had sex in 5 yrs.Suddenly It seemed I had grown two heads.*Miriam blatantly said I was either being secretive or lying and the argument ensued on how I was living in the dark ages, how am I coping with sexual urges,dt I needed a man in my life bla, bla bla.
I am not anti-man but I don’t believe either that one needs a man to live a fulfilled life. Following the birth of my son, I had to prioritise my life and focus on what's important-Me. I have also embraced God's truth about the sanctity of marriage. (Sadly, I learnt that after getting knocked up).However, I’m not living in the rut of the past but I’ve learnt from it. I believe men are created to complement not complete us as women. I refuse to hold myself in check while waiting to be married. I know a couple of ladies that moan about being single and marvel when I say I’m single and content. Of course, I need the occasional assistance but I’ve got no plans to jump off a bridge if I don’t. I've learnt to wait and trust God for a partner and that doesn’t mean I should sample every man that comes my way with the hope that one might be Mr. Right.
The term "my body is the temple of the holy spirit" holds a whole different meaning to me. I have embraced it in all entirety and would not compromise. To the question how i've been able to stay so long without sex? Dearie, the first 2 years were hard but i learnt to invite God in every moment of weakness and the bible rightly says “in my weakness His strength is made manifest. I also avoid sexual discussions or situations that will encourage sexual overtures. And when those werewolves come sniffing at my vine yard I tell them point blank where and what I stand for. I’m too old (still 16) anyway to pussy foot around.
To my girl friends who think I’m weird for what I stand for, well I’ll rather be weird than cheap.
To the ladies out there who think it’s impossible to be single and content....then u've been reading your bible upside down.
Can you abstain from sex while waiting for the right man......yes you can! And be happy.