Sunday, 25 July 2010

The bliss of silence

I layed on my bed, battered bruised and broken. My arm ached but the pain was more emotional as i stared at my amputed fingers. I was glad to be alive but saddened by the death of my friend and 60 + others who died in that tragic accident. while relishing my second chance at life, in came my aunty's friend wailing in a loud voice that would draw the envy of any professional mourner. all was going well until she said in a righteous voice that the occupants of the bus were either not christians or did not pray before embarking on that fateful journey and she ranted on and on in her christianese voice........! It took all my will power not to bash her across the head with my bed side pan not to mention my beloved aunty making faces at me to be quiet. Her words were insensitive, wicked and unkind. Among the people that died in that accident were two pastors going to Lagos for a conference.Even if I did not pray,what about them? Anyway,this happened in 2003. In 2005, i later learnt the lady came down with an unknown disease. I begged my aunty to give me her address so i could go and tell her that she was either not a christian or did not pray that's why she fell ill.
Sounds like the story of Job and his friends doesn't it? but the truth is there are times silence is just golden especially when comforting someone going through tragedy or loss. All was well with Job and his friends until they opened their mouths. Most times a simple hug or companionship is all the hurting person needs not grand words that turn out to be grand trash. Imagine consoling a woman who just lost a baby after years of waiting with "the lord giveth and the lord taketh". Ofcourse the person is right but to the grieving mother those words are not apt at all! I sought advice from a pastor 3 years ago whose words condemed rather than empathise,encourage or heal. Ofcourse there is a place of admonition in councelling it shldnt be condemnation. No man or woman is infallible. Years later,he had issues in his marriage( i'm not gloating just wondering was he not a praying person or what happened).
Silence or quietness is not a sign of weakness as most people think but rather an epitome of strength and dignity. It takes great restraint to hold ones emotions or words in check. If you check talkative people always land themselves in trouble. I am naturally a loud person but it took years Of discipline and maturity to just be quiet and let others take the floor. Because everyone describes you as funny doesnt mean they appreciate your joke at every given chance PULEEEEEEEASE!
Weigh the situation, punder over your words before you spew them and if unsure simply shush!!! your silence might just be the bliss required to make the difference

Saturday, 24 July 2010

What you think about matters.

I woke up this morning upset.For reasons i couldn't fathom i was angry. Joshua's smile and early morning antics only made matters worse. i searched my mind for the cause of my annoyance and found no logical reasons for the dark clouds. Could it be because I have not studied or read my bible properly in two days, i wondered. Shrugging off my bed covers, i went downstairs to make breakfast for the lil boss. The innocent boy was unaware he was treading on dangerous waters as he kept skipping and bouncing around me almost tripping me more than twice. I sighed as i poured milk into a bowl and placed it in the micro wave.
I made up my mind instantly while watching the milk warm that I'll not allow this dark cloud loom any larger. i began praising God and switched on the radio in the living room. Sweet melodious christian song gently filled the house and my heart and slowly my countenance lifted.
The devil cannot rob me off the joy of another day. I have purposed to always adopt an attitude of praise no matter the situation. Joy is a precious gift from God to His children that is not determined by circumstances or situations. Paul and Silas were determined not to be overwhelmed by their prison experience but chose to praise God anyway.
Thoughts are like seed that gradually blossom when watered either with faith or fear. A seemingly mindless concern about the future can become a full fledged worry or frustration if not nipped in the bud.We read in 2 Corinthians 10:5 that we should cast down "arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ."
We need to learn to deflect every form of worry or negative thinking with the word of God and choose to live a joy filled life.Phil 4:8"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things". our thoughts must glorify God as Almighty and All sufficient father. Anxiety limits God. I had cause to worry about a medical report recently but i later shook off the feeling and encouraged myself in the lord. my doctor is not God. only God has the final say over my life-no one else does. the word of God is the final jurisdiction over all that concerns me.
What you think about matters. In the book of 2 cor 6:7, God acknowledged David's desire to build him a temple because it was in his(David's) heart to do so.
So, i am determined to guard my heart and mind and hold every thought captive that wants to exalt against the knowledge of God.
If the word of God says it then i believe It.....Why Worry?

Saturday, 3 July 2010

It's ok to turn off the T.V

Everyone has a weakness. Believe it or not mine is television. It started with Buffy the vampire slayer when i was pregnant and bored out of my wits never mind despodent and alone.I could sit hours on end and watch one cleverly weaved episode of Coronation Street and Emmadale, one after the other with no care for the outside world. I guess it was a way of escape for me. A desired and deserved escape into the world of fantasy. My friends knew never to disturb me when any of my fav programmes were showing.
With satelite television came the birth of my obsession with Homer Simpson, the beloved hero and simpleton of Springfield.I am unashammedly in love and maybe in tune with dearest homer.Dohhhh!nothing comes between me and my homy not even you.

However in the past couple of weeks and more determinedly in the last few days, I have learnt to switch off the t.v to spend quality play time with joshua. we sit together on the floor and do whatever game comes to mind. Believe me its time well spent.
As parents or individuals technology has taken its toll on the amount of quality time we spend with each other.its either facebook or the latest gadget i.e phone Ipod or the most dreaded-work!
A constant sight on the train, bus or casual stroll is a tenager with head buried in a fancy toy, ear plugs and music blaring not noticing or caring about whose seated close by or walking past. Technology has replaced relationships-no body smiles in greeting or even bother to say hello anymore.It has moved from the level of entertaiment to clear cut obsession with most people.
There is just too much noise and distraction all around us. Aside from these, there's the daily hustle and bustle.Couples barely see each other nor spend quality time with their kids. No wonder the society is becoming dyfunctional and divource rates on the increase.everyone is busy is in search of the proverbial golden fleece.
After concluding my course in June,I decided to keep other plans on hold and spend time with my boo at least till he starts junior was a hard decision but one that was imperative.Ofcourse like most single mothers i need the extra money, but money can not equate time invested in his young life.There is so much that teachers and nannies can do but the bulk work lies with the parent. Time also flies by so quick you wonder where the years have gone and before you know it, he'll be introducing me to his girlfriend. This new level of positive parenting is a new level for me to think motherhood never came easy to me. Its still a challenge but everyday is a new experience and requires a new level of grace.
We are responsible for the next genration and generations yet unborn. Every behaviour is an example aptly absorbed and emulated by our be carefull what you say or do around the kids. Arguements between parents should not turn out to be full fledged shouting war or God forbid wrestling bouts. Yep, the bills have to be paid but you dont have to take every avalaible extra shifts at work. Back in Nigeria 5 years ago, most saturdays were bonding time for my younger sister and I. no matter how hectic my work schedule was, i did my best to free my weekends for her as i was the mother figure she had afte we lost our mum in 2000.
No one said the journey was going to be easy but hey its a priviledge to be mothers/parents.
So i'm loggiong off very soon to read a story to josh, roll some more on the floor and sing Incy wincy spider. yep,I'll be turning off the television.