Friday, 30 November 2012

Death by TV

I love television! Infact, I can sit in front of the television all day and only get up to eat,pee or do whatever is important enough to draw my attention away from my beloved entertainment box. Watching television in itself is not bad but what I actually feed my subconcious with is a major cause for concern. Horror movies, cartoons, you name IT and I'm all over IT. Where is the NEWS in her watch list? Ironic isn't. A news person that doesnt watch NEWS. Aside from my passion for TV -Its made me more loko than normal-its an escape mechanism for me(how else would you explain my love for Homer Simpsons? its Once during a diploma programme, I was asked who would I love to be the next President of the United states and in my poshiest and most confident voice, I said HOMER J SIMPSON! The class erupted in laughter and the lecturer fortunately made a mental note never to ask me any question during the duration of the programme. On a positive side, it helped break the ice in the class as I was the only dark skinned person taking that course. I made some friends. One particular Christmas I chose to pay for movies subscription than buy a Christmas tree( still don't regret that decision...watched the most fantastic movies that winter lol) People have different escape mechanisms. some drink, smoke, party and even indulge in recreational sex..Yep! that too. While some actually blank out or walk away from troubling or worrying situations. I watched a documentary recently about a young lady(was actually born a boy that in itself is worrying)who dresses as a little baby, wears diapers, sleeps in a crib and bottle feeds herself as a method of escaping stress. After a psychological assessment, it was found that asking her to stop this damaging habit would do more harm than good. Did I judge her? NO rather I empathised. I don't approve of her choices mind you! More importantly,I'm saddened that she chose not to do something about her negative choices and face her problems instead of hiding behind diapers and baby dresses. Leah had an escape mechanism too. Gen 30 is an account of how she kept having children to solve a deeper emotional issue-get her husband to love her. She felt having more and more children would make her more loved and appreciated as a woman. But childbirth only gave her temporary relief and never solved the underlying issues. I have decided to change my coping mechanism and do something more constructive and instructive with my time. I won't cut off television entirely rather reduce the hours spent infront of it afterall I'm not a zombie! I refuse to be part of the statistics of people who spent over half of their lives glued in front of the television. I WILL NOT BE ZOMBIFIED BY FOX TV..LOL. You don't drink, smoke, womanise? good for you! but I have a weakness and its TV. I won't make excuses for myself or hide behind my challenges but would do something positive about it. "to tackle a great power, you need a greater power"(got that from 9th grade ninja-a cartoon series on see what I mean!). I've decided to meet my television addiction with prayer and the word of God. It's not gonna be easy but I'm positive on this particular life choice. Its not going to be death by tv for me but DEATH TO TV. P.S might start reviewing television programmes atleast sift the crap for you. LOVE YOU HOMIE.

Sunday, 25 November 2012


"Do not leave Jerusalem, but wait for the gift my father promised, which you have heard me speak about. For John baptised with water but in a few days you will be baptised with the Holy Spirit". Act 1:4-5. There was much anticipation in the air as they gathered together for felllowship. It had become a habit this gathering. It didn't matter that the room was small and dingy. They moved around greeting and welcoming each other. Over the din of the small chit chats, a husky male voice raised a song. It was Peter. All those years spent fishing had taken its toll on his voice.It was slightly hoarse and hesitant. Everyone turned and looked at Peter. How he'd grown and matured since the Lord appeared to all of them. Andrew joined in the singing. A glimmer of tear rolled down Peter's cheeks as the other disciples joined in the song. How far they'd all come. The reformed tax collector, the fishermen, and the women- ordinary people whose life had been transformed by THE CALL. With outstretched arms they lifted up their voices to heaven. In unison they sang, a heartfelt song for the fulfilment of the promise-THE PROMISE OF THE HOLY SPIRIT. It didn't matter that they were considered strange and uncouth they dared to believe Him that had made the call. It didn't even cross their minds to doubt, after all the promise of His ressurection was not a myth, they'd seen Him with their very eyes. They'd even broken bread together and Thomas' had his doubts wiped away at His appearance. In that room, they were ONE. Not divided by gender, status, or occupation but a unified expectation of the promise. "Suddenly a sound like the blowing of a violent wind came from heaven and filled the whole house where they were sitting" Act 2:2. Wow! They wondered with elation! The manifestation of the Holy Spirit was more than they imagined! Tears streamed unchecked down Peter's cheeks as he heard the other disciple speak in other tongues. Amazing! What He was experiencing was far above his craziest expectations. Amazing!!! The disciples experienced the supernatural because they obeyed Jesus's instruction and dared to believe. They dared to believe Him that promised becaused He had a track record of being true to His words.
In my study of Acts chapter 1, I realised Jesus did not give the exact day or time for the filfilment of the coming of the Holy spirit but instructed them to remain in Jerusalem "for in a few days they will be baptised with the Holy Spirit". They didn't mind the wait because they knew it will happen just as He'd said. They were happy to wait and fellowship in a small and dingy room. In life we do not know when an expectation will be met or a prayer answered but we need to remain in faith. As difficult as that might seem sometimes but "My grace is sufficient for you, 2 Cor 12:9. . yes! God's grace is available and sufficient enough to tide you through, all you have to do is dare to believe.Yours might not be a dingy room but a crappy situation nonetheless. Dare to believe Him for that promise? The disciples did and look at the awesome testimony. Its in the book of Acts-READ IT, I DARE YOU.

Friday, 23 November 2012

Nothing to fear after all

"I hope he likes this food oh", I muttered under my breath. "I'm seriously not in the mood for little boy tantrums. “OH God let Josh eat his lunch without any drama", I prayed while dishing his lunch of boiled potatoes and chicken curry sauce into a bowl. From the corner of my eyes, I watched as he hopped to the dining table and without much ado started eating his food with a smile and even a twinkle in eye. With baby fingers, he picked up the vegetables in the food and started humming a nursery rhyme oblivious to the stunned look on my face! You might be wondering what the fuss is all about in serving lunch to a 6 year old boy! Well, the thing is Josh does not eat potatoes no matter what it is smothered in for lunch! My son prefers pounded yam (a delicacy favoured by Nigerians and some Africans). He loves it so much that it has to be ready and waiting for him when he gets home from school. He doesn't mind having it three times a day if given. Wonder where he got that from? Hmmmmm! Ok! I confess! It’s me! *sighs* I love food. Nothing gets between me and my food (and it shows....please pray for me). While pregnant with josh, I was heavily diabetic and practically spent a better part of the nine months in the hospital. Despite my condition, I would sneak out of the hospital to eat pounded yam and egusi soup at an African restaurant (talk of being irresponsible! I knew the food was bad for me because of its high starchy contents but I couldn't resist its allure...sob! who wouldn't be?...sob).
Aside from genetically transferring the love for poundy to my son (it is, a friend of mine gave Josh his first taste of the food when he was just eight months old. Since then my friends, there has been no looking back! Lol. Now you understand my fear when I served him potatoes and not his favourite food! After watching him gobble his food with relish, I realised there was no reason to fear after all. I'd been stressing myself for nothing. Phew! Have you been there before? I have and many times over. You panic over something only to discover there was nothing to fear in the first place. Worry takes away peace and rubs one the joy of enjoying the moment. We don't have to worry or live in fear. 2 Timothy 1:7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. Fear is the opposite of faith and Heb 11:6 says "and without Faith it impossible please God". Fear negates the power and supremacy of God concerning a given situation. Having no fear doesn't infer the license to be irresponble or throwing caution to the wind but simple obedience and trust in God-In His ability to take care of YOU. With Joshua, I allowed my fear of his tantrums control me instead of the other way round. I realised that I was not helping him by allowing him have his way all the time. I understand and appreciate his love for pounded yam but it’s my duty as his mother to weave other meals into his diet. Next stop.......Sandwich! And so help me God.

Thursday, 22 November 2012

Home At last

Church was awesome tonight. I mean you could feel the atmosphere charged up with the prayers of the saints. How I've missed the weekly prayer meetings. You actually don't know how much something or someone means to you until you lose them or are out of reach. I was away in Nigeria for seventeen days, barely had time to go to church, fellowship, study my bible or even pray (case of misplaced priorities). Had lots of places to visit and people to catch up with. In fact I was everywhere in that short spate of time that I barely had time for a proper rest. ` Nah wah for Nigeria! Don't get me wrong I love my place of birth but the stress is just too much compared with Ireland where the pace is less hectic and system much more organised(I said compared with Nigeria oh!). I remember almost having a heart attack on the drive home from the airport in Lagos. Every driver on the road kept blaring their horns and people kept dashing in and out of traffic. I screamed all the way and confessed my sins every time an errant driver overtook my brother who drove as crazily as the rest of them. Within a week of all the excitement of meeting family and friends, I had seriously had enough and couldn't wait to be back in Ireland. In six years, Ireland has become more than a place of Sojourn but has become HOME. Mind you, it hadn't always felt like home. Initially, it felt like a prison! I felt like I'd done something dreadful and I'd to be put away like a scarlet girl (you know in those schools that underage pregnant girls are put so they would not slur the family name). Over time, I've set up roots in Ireland, made friends and formed relationships. More importantly, I've grown and matured in my relationship with God. What has location got to do with my relationship with God you may ask? For me EVERYTHING! I had too much distraction in Nigeria. I was career obsessed and God took second place. For God to take priority, a surgical procedure had to be done. He had to take me out from the familiar and that included family, friends, a "fulfilling" career and a toxic relationship. It was painful initially but it was for my good that I might not miss out on the greater picture of God's plan for my life (yep, I learnt to change a light bulb all by The believer is called to a life of separation not necessarily a physical separation of being plucked from a particular location but a separation nevertheless from the world. Abraham was called out from his father's country and everything that was familiar to him in order to achieve God's purpose for his life. I'm sure it was hard for him why else would he be dragging Lot around him when the instruction given was clear enough.Gen 12:12 The Lord had said to Abram, “Go from your country, your people and your father’s household to the land I will show you". . The blessing of the promise came after the separation. Aside from being able to change a light bulb all by myself. Lol, I've learnt to trust God for provisions for the journey. He won't leave you hanging.For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,declares the LORD. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughtsIsaiah 55:8-9". In the journey to fulfilment, you may have to lose friends, change habits and let go of the familiar but at the end it would be worth it. Don't believe me? Check out Abraham's profile in the bible, it says it all. After all is said and done, Home for the believer is not about a building or a particular place its about finding God and being CONTENT in him. In Christ, I AM HOME. My and miss you!

Wednesday, 21 November 2012

The beauty of EMPATHY

"Old people are smelly and creepy", she said wrinkling her nose. "eeeew", she added for emphasis and shuddered as if cold. "Beyonce is the coolest woman ever and I want to be like her when I grow up", she continued with a smile. The rest of the class bursted into laughter and erupted into an arguement on what is true beauty and what makes a person beatiful. I stared at the group of boys and girls in the youth sunday school and shuddered at the huge work ahead of me. "old people are beautiful! because they are old doesn't make them any less so", another said. "you will get old someday soon", contributed someone else. The joy of teaching! Its a mammoth task but one that I enjoy tremendously. Teaching the youths, mind you, the adults know too much I watched my motley crew again as the arguements bounced back and forth, taking note of each contribution and thinking of answers to every question(did I say the adults know too much already? hmmm! I wonder where these kids get their information
I call them my motley crew. They are all bright, vibrant and young but also very different. Offshoots from different homes and backgrounds. Framed by different circumstances and further confused by what the world has to offer which differs outrightly from what the church has to say( dont even mention the epileptic actions of us adults). I have learnt a lot working with these young ones. Everyone of them requires a different approach in as much as the goal is the same. I don't criticise neither am I shocked by some of their utterances or contributions rather I empathise with them. The truth is some of them do not know any better so who can blame them? Rom 10:14 How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? I would not treat the person who is from a dysfunctional home the same way I would a person from a two-person family unit. It doesn't mean the product of the latter family is any better. It just wouldn't work. Believe me, I know DYSFUNCTIONAL!. When I was growing up my family put the FUNK in DYSFUNCTION ( that from Joel Osteen but it describes my family). It took the gentle loving hands of God to heal my hurts and mould me into the beautiful woman I know I am. Gentle, kind words go a long way people. There is a time for the firm hand but also a place for empathy and understanding.2 Cor 1:4 "He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. ...". If you've had a crappy childhood, you'll know how to work with a child in that situation by extending the love that God has healed you with into that innocent soul. Iniatially, I had a problem empathising with my son. I tried relating with him like other children but Josh is differrent! He requires a more gentle approach. It took me a long time to wrap my head around the fact that my son has special needs(now you've made me cry! breaks my heart everytime but GOD IS FAITHFUL). I have to deliberately love when its difficult to love and understand his challenges. The reward is a beautiful smile and wet kisses that I get when mummy gets its right and doesn't shout like a mad woman(lol....cries again but with joy). That my friend is empathy. My devotion today taken from UCB.IE reiterates this point. Gen 33:13 recounts the reconcilliation of Jacob with Esau. Esau wanted to move everyone to his house for the "family reunion party" but Jacob said "you go ahead!..the children are weak and the flocks and heards which are nursing are with me...if the men should drive them hard..the flock will die..I will lead them at a slow pace...the livestock and the children are able to endure". Jacob knew that everyone could not move at the same pace. We all learn at different pace and God knows that about us. That's why He is gentle and longsuffering. He understands our frailties. Having suffered much at the cross Jesus still forgave. Luke 23:34 Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." Empathy does not mean tolerating rubbish or being a push over, its just a gentle reminder that before you jump off the rails berating anybody there might be a story behind that attitude and your empathy might be the key to unlocking the beautiful personality hiding behind that veil.1Cor 13:4 "Love is patient and kind". Pictures from a night out with my peeps

Monday, 19 November 2012

I stand STRONG.

"Enough already!", she thought to herself as she smiled into the face of her dinner date. "can't you just see that I am not interested in all your gibberish in as much as its interesting?....but its interesting to you alone", she mused to herself while nodding to everything he said. "are you listening at all?", he asked. "you've been nodding your head all evening but your eyes seem faraway". he stretched his hands across the table and held her hand, gently caressing her palm with his thumbs. A slight shiver ran up her spine and her lips went dry. Its been so long that she'd been held by a man and she loved that sweet tingling feeling caused by his thumbs as they went back and forth over her hand. She burst out laughing, shaking her head as if to physically clear the fuzzy feeling slowly enveloping her. "I'm sorry", she said to the rather stunned gentleman in front of her. "I love your drive and ambition but its simply not me", she continued. "as laudible as your ideas are they don't align with MY vision of the future and I'm not going to buy into it because you're handsome and I'm attracted to you. Its your idea, your convictions not mine. As much as I believe in you, I believe in myself and know what I want". He looked into her face like she was demented while she grabbed her purse and sauntered out of the restaurant. The men stared at the beautiful lady sashaying out of the diner with her luscious hair but most importantly wondering about the reason for that cat-got-the-mouse look on her face. "taxi", she called as she stepped out. A red cab came into a screaching halt in front of her. "queeneth drive" she told the driver as she slithered into the back seat and the cab drove off. The gentle crooning of Ron Kenoly was wafting through the car speakers. she closed her eyes as she allowed his soothing voice to wash over her. her mind drifted over the events of the past few months. it seems everyman that she'd come across lately want her for one reason or the other. they all seem to know whats good for her, what her future should be like. Only lastnight, her mother had asked her for the zillionth time when she'll settle down, that all her friends were married! phew! Nobody seems to understand that she knew what she wanted..."A MAN THAT LOVED GOD". That idea seems crazy these days but she had this unwavering conviction that she'll meet that man soon enough no matter how long it will take, she'd stake her convictions on God. Her dinner date had been pressing her on a business partnership since she met him. "lordy", she thought loud. He couldnt seem to understand that she was not interested in his proposals. She just had this nagging conviction that she was a means to an end for him......his passport to greener pastures in Europe. "Rubbish", she thought outloud again causing the cab driver to glance at her through the rearview mirror. "everything alright missy", he asked. "i'm fine just thinking out loud", she answered. she glanced out the window watching the city lights come alive. People had used her in the past especially men! Before she found jesus, she'd fallen for every man that that had shown her any semblance of love but now she knew better. the maxim "if you dont stand for SOMETHING, you'd fall for ANYTHING" readily came to mind. With Christ she'd found strength to say NO to sin and its alure. she was no longer that weak girl that could be easily swayed by any sexy smile but a strong confident woman who knew what she wanted and would gladly stand by it. The cab pulled in front of a luxury 3 story apartment building. " we are here missy", the driver called out. "I change my mind", she answered. "take me to the nearest chip and fish shop, I feel like having kebab". she had this desire to celebrate and celebrate she would as the driver pulled away to the sound of Ron Kenoly's dilectable voice. Standing for one's convictions is never easy ask Daniel in the bible but it is sure WORTH it. Several times challenged and tempted but chosing to always trust God to make a way of escape and daring to go all the way even if God choses otherwise. "I am not Daniel" you may say but that same grace is available to stand us out from the crowd. If God has said it, He will surely bring it to pass isaiah 55:11 "so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it". Its time to dare to hold on to the convictions and truth of God's word. Its the solid rock on which a man can stand and not be blown by the tides of the world- a bankabable "spiritual tender". Yep! the storm will rage and tempest will roll especially from family and friends if the matter borders on marriage and the fact that you're no longer sixteen? And all other matters at that! I always say if I've bothered to wait this long, then I'll follow the lord the whole nine yards and more! Remember,"But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint". Isaiah 40:31. On this matter I STAND STRONG

Thursday, 15 November 2012

Simple things.

I opened my mail this morning and was blessed by a personal reply to one of my posts. It did not only bless me, it inspired me to do more as it shows that in a way the stories are making an impact which makes the few moments spent slugging at my laptop worthwhile (don't mind me, I love what I do when I do get to do it *sigh* The stories do not serve to inspire and bless you alone but encourage me as well. It also goes to show that every simple act we do goes a long a way to impact our immediate enviroment and the world at large. So what are you contributing into your world. Remember, the story about the slave girl in the book of 2 Kings 5? Her name is not mentioned but her simple act of good deed is recorded for generations to read and learn from. She was a slave serving in the house of Naaman,Commander of the Aram army. Despite his enviable position, Naaman had a problem-LEPROSY which this little slave girl had a solution to. What blew my mind about this girl is that she did not consider her inhonorable position as a slave or that she'd been taken from her family (probably never to be seen again) but rather saw an opportunity to be a blessing. She did not allow herself to be embittered by her circumstances but sought to be an object of blessing. A simple advice and recommendation to Naaman from a nameless slave girl set this army commander forth to his deliverance from a condition that had otherwise marred his life. Another simple act act of good deed is the story of the little boy that gave up his lunch for Jesus to feed five thousand people in John 6:1-13. I believe that the boy had more faith in his little fingers than all the disciples put together. Unlike kids that are naturally selfish, he gave up his lunch without a struggle because he knew that Jesus could use his little contribution to feed a much needy crowd. Moses did not know how powerful his shepard rod was until he lifted it up for God to part the red sea Gen 15:16. I'm sure it never crossed his mind that his simple rod could make the difference between life and death for the Israelites.
Don't despise the effect of simple things. A simple kind gesture could be a life changing act that someone else needs. It could be as simple as a smile. I remember when I just had joshua. Single me with a disabilty and no family in a foreign country. No one to seek the much needed assistance from. I could barely take care of myself how much more this little lad. Imagine, my surprise when this beautiful lady in my place of residence walked up to me and offered to take care of josh so I could rest. She wasn't really a total stranger. I had been seeing her around and we shared the occasional chit chats but at that point in time I wasn't ready for any form of relationship but she eventually broke down my reserve with her offer to help. 6 years on, we are the best of friends as a result of that simple act. Never underestimate your giftings saying its insignificant compared to what Bill gates is doing but you are YOU and that makes you IMPORTANT. Why not give that idea a kick start, it will sure make a difference. Remember there is power in SIMPLE THINGS.

Monday, 12 November 2012

Don't give up.

"Sometimes when you are the closest to your breakthrough the pressure is the greatest. You have come too far to give up now! –Joyce. That statement credited to renowned precher Joyce Mayer is so profound. Have you ever been pressed to use the toilet, with your bladder full to bursting and set to give out on you? You manage to hold on to the wee and at the first sighting of your house or nearest toilet, you start to leak? I have been there so many times that I have lost count. Embarrasing isn't it? If you ask any pregnant woman in her final trimester,most can barely wait to get the baby out and the pregnancy over with despite the initial excitement of pregnancy. I remember in my final weeks of college, I just couldn't wait for the whole experience to be over and done with. I had to consciously encourage myself to go to school and hand in my assignments. It became harder to study and remain motivated. What kept me going those last few weeks was the thought of all those hours I had already put on this academic pursuit. I couldn't imagine failure or failing. Not me! No way! The journey to achieving a Masters degree in International Communication had cost me a lot emotionally, financially, psycologically and physically. I barely had time for Joshua, my family or any social life at that. In the midst of life challenges, it so easy to give up entirely or cut corners. I had a colleague who dropped out from the M.A programm citing too much pressure on the home front and problems with two courses. You could literarily knock me senseless with a feather when she told me she was dropping out at the die minute. We had survived the worst hurdles and had submitted our second semester assignments and she was dropping out? "you are not serious", I told her but she looked me dead pan in the face and retirated that she was! I begged and cajoled, reminding her of how far we had come but there was no changing her mind. we had only our thesis left to work- on and she two courses to re-sit and she was dropping out! I understood her challenges but could not fathom why she would not push through. I have been believing God for a husband and its not been easy. The loneliness is worse;no one to share true intimacy with. There are times I want to only be with and around that "special somebody", not just anybody. In the midst of "my wait" different men have come into my life but none fit my vision of a husband. Have I been tempted to settle for less? Ofcourse I have.I'm as human and vulnerable as the next person(I'm not made of stone you However I constantly remind myself that I've not waited this long or held unto Godly values to settle for just anyone that bats sexy lids or flaunt manly biceps at me.No sir!. More than ever before I'm convinced that my breakthrough is round the corner and all that is needed now was Godly confidence, restraint and trust. I'm not looking for Superman or even Robin but a born again Christian. Like my good friend and pastor would say "it is better to be happy and single than be married and miserable", Pastor Kingsley Okonkwo. Many of my friends are married and some are ready to toss "a friend" at me or have one idea or the other on how to nab a man but I've refused to bulge under the pressure of "age" or compare myself with my married younger cousins. Of a truth, I want to be married and desperately so in the last couple of weeks but I choose to lean on God's strength and trust Him to help me make it through to the very end. Afterall, the bible says in James 1:12 "Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him".

Tuesday, 6 November 2012

Lost my way

He staggered round the bend right into a tree. "ouch", he cried as he rubbed his nose with the sleeve of his once elegant tuxedo. he barely noticed the blood stain on his jacket but he did feel the beginning of a nagging, no make that raging headache coming up. Holding his head between his hands he stumbled into the forest, staggering further into its pitch dark, balmy embrace. He kept walking without a clue where he was going but had this urgent need to walk deeper into the forest. the night had started beautifully enough. Posh, handsome son of a preacher but the way he had lived his life this past 6 years no one would believe he'd ever seen the inside of a church. "damm you to hell", he screamed at the errant branch that hit his face. He hadn't seen that coming but it didnt matter. He just wanted to get away from it all. The light, music, the women and this cursed headache that was slowly blinding him. H,e just wanted to get away from it all. "shit,shit,shit, shit" he screamed again as his foot caught the jutting root of a willow tree and he went crashing down on his face. Nobody heard the sound of the 6 foot man that fell in the forest that night, no one heard the gut wrenching, heart breaking sound that came out from a throat pirched with thirst. His voice was swallowed by the the thick forest and the dense darkness. He turned on his back and looked up into the sky. it was a moonless night with no star in sight. The sky had lost its light it seemed just like his life. He drew himself up and felt his way around the tree until he felt a good place to sit, devoid of jagged tree roots snarled all over the place. He felt lost infact he was lost in the forest. Nobody knew where he was not even the elegant lady he'd taken with him to the company dinner. It had been a beautiful evening but he'd felt alone, very lonely! he'd barely heard any of the conversation going on around him. He just had this sinking sensation at the pit of his stomach, an urgent need to run. Sweat broke out on his forehead and the room had started to close in on him. Tugging at his tie, he started to mumble something under his breath to his date but she was so engrossed in the delicate array of sweets that was being served up. without much ado he stood up and staggered out of the room. Nobody had noticed his exit. 6ft tall, elegantly dressed blond boy and nobody noticed him staggereing out of the room tugging at his tie and into his blue coloured sports car. He'd driven for hours into the night without any destination in sight or an inkling of where he was. It was the sputtering noise of the engine that forced him to stop the car. There was no other vehicle in sight. Not a soul on this dark lonely road except the allure of the forest. Deeper and deeper he'd wandered until he found himself curled as a baby at the roots of a willow tree drawing painful short breaths. He was so lost in thought that he didnt hear the sound of crashing feet in the forest. it took a while before he noticed the light of a flashlight beam into his face and a seeming familiar voice whisper "Jason, are you alright?". "I saw you run out of the party looking sick and drive off like a mad man. I just had to follow you". Are you alright? it was Mimi his secretary of 4 years at the law firm. Plain looking, quiet Mimi. "Are you ok boss? she asked lifting his face up and pointing the touchlight at him. "you've hurt yourself" she said when she noticed the blood running fron his nose. He'd forgotten about that. She lifted the hem of her dress and cleaned his nose with it. Like a mother hen she muttered soothing words to him. He started to cry. Gentle sobs wracked his massive frame as she held him in her small arms and rocked him like a babe. "everything's gonna be just fine" she said and kissed his tear stained face". "you'll be just fine". "We just need to get out of this forest and everything's gonna be just fine" she continued. "Help me",Jason whispered to Mimi. I'm lost. I lost my way a longtime ago. The drugs, women etc. help me Mimi. take me home to my mother she'll know what to do". Mimi looked into those baby blue eyes and saw not the arrogant man she'd worked with for 4 years and who'd barely noticed her presense but saw a little boy who'd lost his way. "Dont worry, I'll help you home. we'll find a way out of this forest together". She helped him to his feet and with the beam of the searchlight, the two of them made their way out of the forest. what an odd couple they made. The 6ft blonde eyed man and the pint size lady. The little one helping the larger one slowly out of the forest with gentle and encouraging words Recently I lost my way! I found myself lost, alone and simply going through the motions of christian life and almost making desperate relationship choices. On the outside, I've got it all together but inside i'm a crumbling mess. Sometimes when we lose our way nobody notices because we put up this facade that everybody is used to or we are afraid of the "condemnation" so much that guilt eats us up inside. We fear we'll be looked down on if we confess to another that for a brief moment we lost our heads. The sad truth is that you suffer the most as your christian experience or relationship is weighed down if the issue is not properly addressed and you retrace your steps. The ultimate goal is to have an enriching and fulfilling christian living but the journey to that is as important as the destination. It matters to God and it should to you too. I knew it was never going to be easy but mehn..i never knew it was going to be this tough. Being a single mother with its ensuing challenges had started taking its toll on me emotionally, psycologically and physically but a carefully chosen outfit, make up and comedy infused'll never know that good 'ol "Sister preacher"(that's what Pastor Oluwagbemiga calls me) doesnt really have it together. Despite my inner tumoil, there is something holding the fabric of my life together, that deep desire that I need to find my way home back to my father with the help of an unassuming nor intruding friend that is always looking out for me and knows when I need help finding my way back home...THE HOLY SPIRIT. Its good to be back home in my father's home where its safe and secure. He has good intentions for me even when his plans dont make sense and I try to break lose like the prodigal son in Luke 15:11-32 who rebelled against his father's "regime" but later "came to his senses" vrs 17. Our father is always on the look out for as many that would acknowledge their errors and crawl back home. Infact he is right at the window now watching out for you praying you to come back home. “But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him. “The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’“But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet.Bring the fattened calf and kill it.Let’s have a feast and celebrate.For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate".