Tuesday, 6 November 2012

Lost my way

He staggered round the bend right into a tree. "ouch", he cried as he rubbed his nose with the sleeve of his once elegant tuxedo. he barely noticed the blood stain on his jacket but he did feel the beginning of a nagging, no make that raging headache coming up. Holding his head between his hands he stumbled into the forest, staggering further into its pitch dark, balmy embrace. He kept walking without a clue where he was going but had this urgent need to walk deeper into the forest. the night had started beautifully enough. Posh, handsome son of a preacher but the way he had lived his life this past 6 years no one would believe he'd ever seen the inside of a church. "damm you to hell", he screamed at the errant branch that hit his face. He hadn't seen that coming but it didnt matter. He just wanted to get away from it all. The light, music, the women and this cursed headache that was slowly blinding him. H,e just wanted to get away from it all. "shit,shit,shit, shit" he screamed again as his foot caught the jutting root of a willow tree and he went crashing down on his face. Nobody heard the sound of the 6 foot man that fell in the forest that night, no one heard the gut wrenching, heart breaking sound that came out from a throat pirched with thirst. His voice was swallowed by the the thick forest and the dense darkness. He turned on his back and looked up into the sky. it was a moonless night with no star in sight. The sky had lost its light it seemed just like his life. He drew himself up and felt his way around the tree until he felt a good place to sit, devoid of jagged tree roots snarled all over the place. He felt lost infact he was lost in the forest. Nobody knew where he was not even the elegant lady he'd taken with him to the company dinner. It had been a beautiful evening but he'd felt alone, very lonely! he'd barely heard any of the conversation going on around him. He just had this sinking sensation at the pit of his stomach, an urgent need to run. Sweat broke out on his forehead and the room had started to close in on him. Tugging at his tie, he started to mumble something under his breath to his date but she was so engrossed in the delicate array of sweets that was being served up. without much ado he stood up and staggered out of the room. Nobody had noticed his exit. 6ft tall, elegantly dressed blond boy and nobody noticed him staggereing out of the room tugging at his tie and into his blue coloured sports car. He'd driven for hours into the night without any destination in sight or an inkling of where he was. It was the sputtering noise of the engine that forced him to stop the car. There was no other vehicle in sight. Not a soul on this dark lonely road except the allure of the forest. Deeper and deeper he'd wandered until he found himself curled as a baby at the roots of a willow tree drawing painful short breaths. He was so lost in thought that he didnt hear the sound of crashing feet in the forest. it took a while before he noticed the light of a flashlight beam into his face and a seeming familiar voice whisper "Jason, are you alright?". "I saw you run out of the party looking sick and drive off like a mad man. I just had to follow you". Are you alright? it was Mimi his secretary of 4 years at the law firm. Plain looking, quiet Mimi. "Are you ok boss? she asked lifting his face up and pointing the touchlight at him. "you've hurt yourself" she said when she noticed the blood running fron his nose. He'd forgotten about that. She lifted the hem of her dress and cleaned his nose with it. Like a mother hen she muttered soothing words to him. He started to cry. Gentle sobs wracked his massive frame as she held him in her small arms and rocked him like a babe. "everything's gonna be just fine" she said and kissed his tear stained face". "you'll be just fine". "We just need to get out of this forest and everything's gonna be just fine" she continued. "Help me",Jason whispered to Mimi. I'm lost. I lost my way a longtime ago. The drugs, women etc. help me Mimi. take me home to my mother she'll know what to do". Mimi looked into those baby blue eyes and saw not the arrogant man she'd worked with for 4 years and who'd barely noticed her presense but saw a little boy who'd lost his way. "Dont worry, I'll help you home. we'll find a way out of this forest together". She helped him to his feet and with the beam of the searchlight, the two of them made their way out of the forest. what an odd couple they made. The 6ft blonde eyed man and the pint size lady. The little one helping the larger one slowly out of the forest with gentle and encouraging words Recently I lost my way! I found myself lost, alone and simply going through the motions of christian life and almost making desperate relationship choices. On the outside, I've got it all together but inside i'm a crumbling mess. Sometimes when we lose our way nobody notices because we put up this facade that everybody is used to or we are afraid of the "condemnation" so much that guilt eats us up inside. We fear we'll be looked down on if we confess to another that for a brief moment we lost our heads. The sad truth is that you suffer the most as your christian experience or relationship is weighed down if the issue is not properly addressed and you retrace your steps. The ultimate goal is to have an enriching and fulfilling christian living but the journey to that is as important as the destination. It matters to God and it should to you too. I knew it was never going to be easy but mehn..i never knew it was going to be this tough. Being a single mother with its ensuing challenges had started taking its toll on me emotionally, psycologically and physically but a carefully chosen outfit, make up and comedy infused conversation....you'll never know that good 'ol "Sister preacher"(that's what Pastor Oluwagbemiga calls me) doesnt really have it together. Despite my inner tumoil, there is something holding the fabric of my life together, that deep desire that I need to find my way home back to my father with the help of an unassuming nor intruding friend that is always looking out for me and knows when I need help finding my way back home...THE HOLY SPIRIT. Its good to be back home in my father's home where its safe and secure. He has good intentions for me even when his plans dont make sense and I try to break lose like the prodigal son in Luke 15:11-32 who rebelled against his father's "regime" but later "came to his senses" vrs 17. Our father is always on the look out for as many that would acknowledge their errors and crawl back home. Infact he is right at the window now watching out for you praying you to come back home. “But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him. “The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’“But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet.Bring the fattened calf and kill it.Let’s have a feast and celebrate.For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate".

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