What is the Hullabaloo about marriage.

Editor's Note: For many reasons I am unrushed about getting married. This is despite finding the fifth grey hair on my head last Monday. I called them my wisdom strands..lol. I am particularly blessed to belong to a family who have never pressured me into getting married. Could it be because I already have a kid and have somewhat fulfilled that grand requirement?(would have to ask my dad..lol). Unfortunately, not all ladies my age are that lucky. Most women are under both society and family pressures to get married and end up making very poor decisions. A lot of marriages are rife with frustrated and very unhappy couples "bound" in the marriage circle. This in turn creates a toxic situation that negatively impact the society at large. I would love to be married someday but definitely for the right reasons. Not even my "wisdom strands" would cause me to make that leap without proper considerations as I strongly believe that marriage is a covenant relationship between matured adults and not babies. It has a purpose therefore should be purpose driven. My very artistic baby sister wrote this brilliant article about marriage and her insightful take on the matter is worth reading. Vickie Mamalet Otono is creative writer with Kurioucity Ltd. She is a great cook too..lol. Watch out Ramsey!

Enjoy the article Here

Bought At A Price

Nobody loves to loose anything especially when the object came at a price. Whatever has been purchased has more intrinsic value other than financial. It can also involve concerted physical effort, research, emotions  and time invested. You work hard, save money, do research, build excitement, make the purchase and suddenly you lose the purchase? My dear it will hurt because it was worth something.

www.freedigitalphotos.net.

We have all experienced some form of loss at one point or the other. It could have been a loved one or an object of desire but the pain of loss is the same and we will do anything possible or within our means to get the lost object back. I read an article on how Paula White prayed relentlessly for her son who was lost in addiction for over eight years. Bradley was the son of her womb, she nurtured him as a baby and had great expectations for his future, so she was not ready to allow drugs  rob her or him off the prospects of enjoying life as a family. Paula prayed, fasted and petitioned because Bradley was WORTH IT.  It didn't matter that she had other children because Bradley mattered just like you and I matter to God.

Picture courtesy www.buzz.eewmagazine.com

David knew what it was to lose something precious too. His wife was wrongfully taken from him. Despite having other wives none were like the wife of his youth. None could replace Michal, the daughter of Saul because she cost him something. "David took his men with him,and went out and killed two hundred Philistines and brought back their foreskins. They counted out the full number to the king so that David might become the king's son-in-law. Then Saul gave him his daughter Michal in marriage" 1 King 18:27.
The first opportunity David had to get her back, he did without wasting time. "thou shall not see my face, except thou first bring Michal Saul's daughter when thou comest to seem my face...deliver me my wife Michal which I espoused to me for an hundred foreskins of Philistines" 2 Samuel 3:13-14.
Michal was not just anybody, she was bought at a price. She cost sweat and blood!

photo credit www.ign.com

Dear friend, God is relentlessly pursuing you today because YOU MATTER! You were bought at a price and God is not letting you go easy. You were not bought with perishables but with the priceless blood of His only son. God gave up His son for you so don't think He'll just let you slip away like that. NO SIR!  Don't let your circumstances or anyone belittle how precious you are. YOU ARE PRICELESS and don't ever forget that."for i am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither  the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our lord" Romans 8:38-39.

Picture by Ben www.memecenter.com

Appreciate Today #Hotchocolateforcoldmornings

You don't have to lose someone before you realise they really matter. Choose to appreciate that special person today and never take them for granted. The grave is filled with people who never got a chance to say "I love you" or even dared to forgive but would rather hold on to a grudge. Take sometime now to appreciate that friend, colleague, neighbour, husband and Me..lol. remember, some people are simply irreplaceable even if they drive you bonkers!!.

A FEW GOOD MEN and women.

I had this interesting discussion with a couple of friends some weeks back and the discussion somewhat shifted to men(no surprises there...lol). A running trend was how a lot of women have been hurt by men, how men now shirk their responsiblities and bottom line "there are no good men in Ireland". I wish I had taken a recording of how my dear friends were spewing fire..lol. As I gazed at the faces of the women at this informal meeting, I noticed we all had a lot in common aside from our bulging tummies....lol Some of us are single mothers made to bear the burden of raising kids alone without any form of support from the fathers. Even the ones that were married still shoulder the burden of being both father and mother at the same time. The single girls complained bitterly about how men just want to "use and dump"...how pathetic! I seriously blame this ugly trend on the erratic Irish weather!! It has the ability to turn any sane person nuts..lol. While not totally exonorating the women, I am not in a position to proffer reasons for any man that fails to uphold his position in the family as a priest, provider, care giver and father, they do a good job at making excuses themselves. I simply marvel at how a man would deliberately abandon his children simply because "he fell out of love with his wife or the woman is bad" or my all time favourite "my wife is a witch". Excuse me!!! but what about the children? Unfortunately, the first model for children are their parents. Children are great observers and are quick to recreate what they see!!! remember that the next time you want to utter an unkind thing about your spouse because it will bounce back at you!!! Even the church is not exempt as members tend to copy the mannerism of their pastors!! Jesus' disciples were identified because their lifestyles modelled the lord!! Every home needs a disciplinarian and that's one of the roles of the father but when the men abdicate their position the result is a family in chaos and society in disarray!!. The rise in single parent families and absentee fathers was identified as one of the causes of the London riot in 2011. Every child especially the boy child needs a father figure to emulate. So what happened? Where have the good men gone. As I pondered this knotty issue, I was reminded of the story in 1 Kings 19 when Elijah was bemoaning the killing of the the priests of Jehovah by Jezebel and saw himself as the "last man standing". But God's response staggered him " Yet I reserve seven thousand in Israel—all whose knees have not bowed down to Baal and whose mouths have not kissed him". Despite the huge number of priests that were killed by Ahab and his queen there were remnants that the lord had preserved for himself. It doesn't matter the number of Mis-directed and "deadbeat men out there there a few good men too. This I believe strongly. I know men who are kind, generous and God fearing. These type are not extinct-they really do exist but it takes sifting through the chaff to find one. Any man reading this that needs reprogramming, this a life changing event you shouldn't miss. Hey we all need help sometimes....make that ALL THE TIME

Happy Marriage Anniversary IRON LADY

Love is beautiful isn't? It's not an inanimate feeling but an action that is visible and real to its recipients- you KNOW IT, you can FEEL IT and you can PRACTICALLY TOUCH IT. It is such a joy to love and be loved in return, that is why the world is constantly seeking love. Unfortunately many are looking in the wrong places. In the words of the Late Pastor Bimbo Odukoya of Fountain of Life church,Lagos Nigeria LOVE IS WORK and I dare to add "commitment to work". These days, most people want the trappings of love but are not ready to put in the work that makes love worth all the work. A lot of couples exert energy and huge finances on their weddings but bolt at the first sign of trouble in paradise-HOW SAD. Its no wonder the world is riddled with divorces and single parenting is an accepted life style statement(I don't mean for those who are accidental single mums and dads). The other day, I even came across a website that offers DIY divorce services...wetin man eye no dey see for this world. marriage vows now has an escape clause "for better for stay, for worse for go" (pls ignore my grammar that's how I heard the vows in a movie). So given the warped attitude towards the marriage covenant, I am always excited to see couples who stay married and IN LOVE. Its my darling friend Uwa's marriage anniversary today and I'm so excited. I've wanted to do a post on Uwa for a long time but never got round to it so this epoch celebration is a welcomed opportunity to do just that. The first day she walked into the newsroom at my former work place, I knew there was something different about her. She had on a bright red lipstick- her signature lip colour-and exuded confidence. Her red lipstick said a lot about her- strong,sexy, fearless, bold, shrewd and very smart. I privately call her IRON LADY because she's never afraid to voice her opinions or bare her claws if the situation warrants it. Yes! the iron lady could fight dirty if pushed to it..so BEWARE!! However beneath the armour lies a very soft and loving heart. I caught a glimpse of this hidden part the day I found out she was married and that was the beginning of a never ending flow of "sweetness" lol. She unashamedly calls her husband SWEETNESS everywhere and at any given chance in fact I don't even know his name or even thinks he has a name anymore..lol. It takes a woman that is confidently in love to boldly declare that love both in private and in public...I GO LOVE OH. It also takes a strong woman to nurture love without giving up. YOU MY FRIEND ARE VERY STRONG. That sweetness that started eight years ago is still exuding goodness today and will forever. Happy anniversary IRON LADY.

GOD’S TEMPLATE OF LOVE by KELECHI ANYALECHI

I don't know much about "love love" but I've come to understand the LOVE OF GOD. In all, I've discovered that the God kind of love is POSSIBLE and it translates to "real love" in every area starting from yourself and streaming to the people around you. In my quest to understand more about this LOVE, I came across an article that challenged and broke some stubborn stray thoughts in my head. It's written by life Coach Kelechi Anyalachi. Kelechi's coaching strategies is underpinned by biblical principles and scriptures which makes it all the more distinct and trust worthy....even his courtship and marriage to the lovely Uloma is an Inspiration. This article so blessed and inspired me its going to be my marriage template(trust you are reading this Mr future husband..SERIOUS!) Read and be blessed. Over the past four days, there is a song that has been playing in my heart. Here it is: ‘…The Steadfast Love of The Lord never ceaseth, His Mercies never come to an end, They are new every morning, always new every morning, Great is thy faithfulness, O Lord (2ce)…’ These are my thoughts on the meaning of this song! The STEADFAST Love of The Lord – His love is deeply rooted, firm and unwavering. The Steadfast Love of The Lord NEVER CEASETH – No expiry date. His MERCIES never come to end – When we err, He forgives. Though, He has the power to punish us. His Mercies NEVER COME TO AN END - No matter how many times we err and despite the gravity of the wrong done, He always forgives. They are NEW every morning - His Love is FRESH everyday. Just like the past never existed. New EVERY MORNING – The hurt of the previous day dissolves and doesn’t see the light of a new day. Great is Thy FAITHFULNESS – He keeps to his word on loving us All over the world, we are all in a major quest: ‘to GIVE and RECEIVE Love’. From time to time, we either receive complains of not being loving enough or we complain of not being loved enough! Everyday, we read or hear stories of broken relationships, broken marriages et al… The reasons emanate from: ‘no more love again’, ‘incompatibility’, ‘infidelity’, ‘irreconcilable differences’… I have been asking myself – what if God’s Love for us was this way! Would we even be alive by now? We were made in God’s image and after his likeness. We should exhibit His kind of love towards our friends, family and spouses. The secret to this is: ‘THE MORE OF GOD IN YOU, THE MORE HIS LOVE WILL BE REVEALED IN AND THROUGH YOU! How can you have ‘more’ of God? It is through His Word. Study God’s Word more often! Soak yourself in it! As you do this, your life will become a replica of His Word (2 Corinthians 3:18). This may not be immediate, but this must be your goal! GROW YOUR ‘LOVEOMETER’ Be as loving as you can till your spouse can testify about you. As I write this, I am also talking to myself. It is my desire that one day, my wife will sing or recite the song above or something similar to that about me. Let her describe my love for her to be STEADFAST, UNENDING, NEW AND FAITHFUL. God has set a TEMPLATE for us. All we need to ‘copy and paste’. Our Love Lives will be the better for it! MEDITATE on this deeply. May God guide you and help you increase His Kind of Love in You!

INTERSECTIONS

Decisions! Decisions!! Decisions!!! It’s never easy making decisions is it? If you are like me with a closet full of shoes with varied heel lengths, style and colours, making a decision on which of my prized collection will see the light of day becomes a make or break affair. Truth is, some shoes make the cut based on comfort, events, colour etc. but I have two or more favourites that I'd like to wear every day and everywhere if possible. However before reaching out to select the purrrrrfect shoes, I consider some of the afore mentioned criteria including checking if it matches my outfit, will I be walking or driving, high or low heels? With a myriad of options, it is important that I carefully make my decision. After all what is worth doing at all is worth doing well! Women and wahala! When did something as inane as what shoe to wear become a PHD project...lolol. We make decisions every day and every decision has its consequence-Good or bad. It’s like trying to cross at an intersection. It looks easy but also potentially dangerous. A cardinal rule of crossing at an intersection is to STOP; consider traffic on the road before making a move. It is also important to consider your destination before crossing. You don't get to an intersection and jump into the road. That would be silly and dangerous. Life is a journey and at one point we would get to an intersection and would have to make a decision to either cross or remain at one point. The Israelites found themselves at a crossroad during their sojourn into the wilderness. They'd left the familiar toils of Egypt but were now being pursued by their former captors. They needed to move on but their past was not ready to let them go. The future was not familiar and the familiar past was pain filled. Ahead stood the formidable red sea and behind a vengeful army. They panicked and cried! It is only human nature to panic in the wake of challenges isn't? In the wake of the unfamiliar they panicked! They never imagined with their little minds that there could be a way through the WATERS. They preferred to go back to a life of slavery instead of the bold choice of a life of freedom. Thank God they were not alone at this crucial point in their journey. The lord was with them. He parted the red sea before them clearing the road into their future. He also destroyed the Egyptian army thereby sealing the door to their past. The choice of who to marry is a major intersection in life. You are valuable and marriage is a LIFE LONG COMMITMENT, so don’t just make that leap without looking. Sheri Rose Shepherd shared the following advice on her blog. 1. Look at the fruits of what follows that person and ask yourself where they will be leading you. Keep in mind NOT all open doors are from God. 2. Take a hard look at your future and ask yourself if they would help you find your purpose or distract from what God has for you. 3. Ask yourself “would I be growing in Christ by walking out life with this person or project? Before you walk away from where you are for a new venture PRAY HARD. When the beginning excitement phase is over is this something or someone you would want to stay connected to when challenges arise? Ready to make that decision now? Look well before you take that leap!

Crossing Boundaries

What were you thinking Coco? Allowing a man that is not your husband nuzzle your neck in a sexually provocative way? Bad enough you put yourself in that position but having the picture posted on the public sphere? Ice has every right to be upset! I love Coco and Ice and was really disappointed when I saw those pictures. I don't approve of the work Coco does but I love her and I think she and Ice look cute together. Ice is obviously smitten with her. But she really did cross the line by cozing up to a man that is not her husband and allowing him plant kisses on her neck and cheeks. It is disrespectful to her husband even if it was a publicity stunt. There is no reason good enough to justify that picture. That's crossing the line babes! Every relationship has its boundaries. These boundaries exist for a purpose, to keep in or keep out. It will be downright inappropriate for a stranger to ask me about my sex life even If we've been introduced. I remember giving a pastor a dirty slap at age twelve when he deliberately brushed his hands against my breasts while admiring the golden buttons on my shirts. At that age I knew his action was inappropriate. My mum was appalled at my actions but I was in the situation and saw the man's dirty looks. if I could go back in time and was caught in that same situation, would I repeat my actions? fcourse I would and sneak in a killer punch for good measures! He crossed the lines and he got hit. Sometimes we butt into other peoples' business out of concern and we feel offended if the other party gently or rudely puts us back in our space. Some people trully take their personal spaces seriously and would do anything to protect it. I have a friend who's been engaged forever and she doesn't take it kindly if anyone wants to give a "friendly advice". so I've learnt to respect the boundaries she'd set up on her private life. Its simply not my business unless she invites me into it. As a single mother, I've set up boundaries to protect my son and I. Some men like to take advantage of single mothers because of their vulnerable positions feeding on the woman's emotional and physical needs. They pretend to love the woman's children and use that to get her. Its sad, but true. so I've learnt to be careful about who I let into my life, dont want my son having too many "uncles"..lol. Some think I'm too strict, that I've got too many rules. The truth is that my rules don't only keep unscrupulous characters out of my life but also keep me safe. Imagine a man coming to my house for the first time and suggesting he would love to spend the night? but why! because I'm single and live alone doesnt make me a loose woman!

Coco got a backlash for her behaviour from her husband and she deserved it. Ice T wrote via twitter to his errant wife "Don't get it twisted, I'm not happy about this s**t. Most of (the pictures) are disrespectful and in bad taste. She's made me look and feel like s**t. I say this on Twitter because there's no way to avoid the obvious misconduct of a married couple," ( though I dont approve of a twitter bashing as the appropriate corrective measure but you get my drift). Marriage has its boundaries that is why there are unwritten codes about expected behaviours from married couples. Though most of 21st century marriages confuse me but that's gist for another day. It is expected that both couples should be faithful to each other as well as protect and defend their relationship from external corrosive influences. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Eph 5:25 In Nigeria for instance, a married woman is expected to dress and behave in certain way as part of her marital status. That includes cutting off every ties with past relationships and covering most of her "wares". Though its for private display, It doesnt necessarilly mean she has to be a prude..lol Boundaries are necessary that's why the bible encourages us to put a check on our tongues. You dont just say anything because you've got a tongue or have what to say. Sometimes silence is the best retort you can give in a conversation going south. I have a younger sister that I sometimes feel goes way overboard in everything. she is such a blessing and I have to consciously reign myself in and not constantly butt into her business. Even as sisters we have boundaries that need to be respected no matter the intention. There is a consequence for every action either or good or bad. I hope Coco learns from her misaction and please Ice...forgive Coco. (pictures curtesy www.stylebistro.com)

Don't give up.

"Sometimes when you are the closest to your breakthrough the pressure is the greatest. You have come too far to give up now! –Joyce. That statement credited to renowned precher Joyce Mayer is so profound. Have you ever been pressed to use the toilet, with your bladder full to bursting and set to give out on you? You manage to hold on to the wee and at the first sighting of your house or nearest toilet, you start to leak? I have been there so many times that I have lost count. Embarrasing isn't it? If you ask any pregnant woman in her final trimester,most can barely wait to get the baby out and the pregnancy over with despite the initial excitement of pregnancy. I remember in my final weeks of college, I just couldn't wait for the whole experience to be over and done with. I had to consciously encourage myself to go to school and hand in my assignments. It became harder to study and remain motivated. What kept me going those last few weeks was the thought of all those hours I had already put on this academic pursuit. I couldn't imagine failure or failing. Not me! No way! The journey to achieving a Masters degree in International Communication had cost me a lot emotionally, financially, psycologically and physically. I barely had time for Joshua, my family or any social life at that. In the midst of life challenges, it so easy to give up entirely or cut corners. I had a colleague who dropped out from the M.A programm citing too much pressure on the home front and problems with two courses. You could literarily knock me senseless with a feather when she told me she was dropping out at the die minute. We had survived the worst hurdles and had submitted our second semester assignments and she was dropping out? "you are not serious", I told her but she looked me dead pan in the face and retirated that she was! I begged and cajoled, reminding her of how far we had come but there was no changing her mind. we had only our thesis left to work- on and she two courses to re-sit and she was dropping out! I understood her challenges but could not fathom why she would not push through. I have been believing God for a husband and its not been easy. The loneliness is worse;no one to share true intimacy with. There are times I want to only be with and around that "special somebody", not just anybody. In the midst of "my wait" different men have come into my life but none fit my vision of a husband. Have I been tempted to settle for less? Ofcourse I have.I'm as human and vulnerable as the next person(I'm not made of stone you know...lol). However I constantly remind myself that I've not waited this long or held unto Godly values to settle for just anyone that bats sexy lids or flaunt manly biceps at me.No sir!. More than ever before I'm convinced that my breakthrough is round the corner and all that is needed now was Godly confidence, restraint and trust. I'm not looking for Superman or even Robin but a born again Christian. Like my good friend and pastor would say "it is better to be happy and single than be married and miserable", Pastor Kingsley Okonkwo. Many of my friends are married and some are ready to toss "a friend" at me or have one idea or the other on how to nab a man but I've refused to bulge under the pressure of "age" or compare myself with my married younger cousins. Of a truth, I want to be married and desperately so in the last couple of weeks but I choose to lean on God's strength and trust Him to help me make it through to the very end. Afterall, the bible says in James 1:12 "Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him".