What is the Hullabaloo about marriage.

Editor's Note: For many reasons I am unrushed about getting married. This is despite finding the fifth grey hair on my head last Monday. I called them my wisdom strands..lol. I am particularly blessed to belong to a family who have never pressured me into getting married. Could it be because I already have a kid and have somewhat fulfilled that grand requirement?(would have to ask my dad..lol). Unfortunately, not all ladies my age are that lucky. Most women are under both society and family pressures to get married and end up making very poor decisions. A lot of marriages are rife with frustrated and very unhappy couples "bound" in the marriage circle. This in turn creates a toxic situation that negatively impact the society at large. I would love to be married someday but definitely for the right reasons. Not even my "wisdom strands" would cause me to make that leap without proper considerations as I strongly believe that marriage is a covenant relationship between matured adults and not babies. It has a purpose therefore should be purpose driven. My very artistic baby sister wrote this brilliant article about marriage and her insightful take on the matter is worth reading. Vickie Mamalet Otono is creative writer with Kurioucity Ltd. She is a great cook too..lol. Watch out Ramsey!

Enjoy the article Here

Heaven's Intervention

*Amaka* was inconsolable! Every effort made by the doctors to make her take her medication fell on deaf ears. She wanted none of their attention. She just wanted to sleep and never wake up. Her pain was not caused by her wounds, it stemmed more from the heart. She felt forlorn and lonely. "Let me die", She screamed at the doctors, managing to clench herself into a ball despite her pain.

Her gut wrenching wail broke my heart as I walked pass her room. Thirty minutes later, the doctors managed to get her to sleep and I could hear her gentle snore interjected with burst of sobbing but at least she was getting some semblance of rest. The next day one of the doctors asked if I could help with Amaka. He felt I might be able to talk with her as we were both from Nigeria. I was not a nurse but I understood what it meant to survive a traumatic experience and rejection at the same time.  Amaka was a survivor of kerosine explosion. She'd suffered massive degree burns to her body especially her face. It was back in 2003 and doctors had told her there was only so much that plastic surgery could do. As I tip toed into her room, my heart broke at the sight of the young lady sobbing in the corner of her room. Without much ado, I tiptoed over to her and held her in my arms. In the throes of her pain, she didn't notice my entrance and my arms around her did not startle her either-she was lost in pain. I managed to wipe her tears while we sat in silence , two strangers in a  hospital far from home brought together by physical loss and trauma.

 Amaka's story wasn't new. Its an old tale of rejection in the wake of challenges. Following the explosion, her supposed fiancé never showed up at the hospital nor made any attempt to see her. He wouldn't even take her calls! He just disappeared. They were meant to marry August of that year while she suffered the accident in June. That unfortunate accident busted her marital dream.

"whatever happened to "together forever"? the poor girl cried. I was tempted to crucify the guy's action but I knew better having experienced such when I lost partial use of my right hand in an accident in which over sixty people died. You see some people are not built to with-stand challenges. Many simply abscond when something out of the norm confronts them. When there is a deviation from a set of expectation, they bail out! Their reasons may range from pride, other people's opinion, financial ability or simply cowardice. I do know the story of a man in the bible who was tempted to bail out from a situation he did not bargain for-Joseph the earthly father of Jesus. Imagine the audacity of his soon-to-be wife telling him she was pregnant by the holy spirit! who is fooling who? The little wench must been playing hanky panky behind his back. Mindful of the disgrace and even consequence of the pre-marital conception in that era, he purposed to quietly put her away to face the shame and punishment alone until HEAVEN INTERVENED.

"an angel of the lord appeared to him in a dream and said, "Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife because what is conceived of her is from the Holy Spirit....when Joseph woke up, he did what the angel of the lord commanded him and took Mary home as his wife" Matthew 1:20-24.

Despite Mary's explanations, Joseph was bent on bowing out of a situation that didn't conform with his plan  until HEAVEN INTERVENED.

There is only so much an individual can do to restore a broken relationship or win back a loved one except heaven intervenes. In the words of Paula White "whatever is for you, no power from hell can take from you". No need crying over spilt milk. It might hurt for a while but trust that "in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose" Romans 8:28.

In the wake of personal challenges instead of wasting over energy situations you can't help concentrate on restoring order back into your life. Eat well, exercise, pray, meditate on the word of God, in short get your groove you back on. If that person is for you, he'll coming running and if not, you are better off without them. "they went out from us, but they did not really belong to us. For if they had belonged to us they would have remained with us but their going showed that none of then belonged to us" 1 John 2:9

True Love

Show me someone that is struggling  with love and I’ll show you someone that does not KNOW GOD. 

 You can never know true love until you know and embrace God's love. Life will be a trudge through a dump pile until you find the God kind of love. No wonder the world is searching for love because it has been searching in the wrong places!! God is the template of love. God is love. All others are not even shadows of what real love is. Relationships suffer because the concept of love has been perverted. A lot of people struggle with giving and accepting loved based on experience instead of relying on God. The matter is further compounded with the media but the media is driven by people who are also confused about love! You see, the media tries to instil its own definition of love on susceptible audience based on sex and sexuality but all with destructive results;  if it aint God, it ain’t real!!   To enjoy love, you must know God. Love is not a baton to batter people with but an expression of God through man and God is not out to destroy you.

 Love is serious business not an idle stroll in the park. It is commitment,

hardwork and service. If you don’t mean it, don’t say it! God said what He meant and meant what he said when He told man “I LOVE YOU”. John 3:16 “For God so love the world that He Gave…” God’s profession of love was not an idle statement but a demonstration of His nature. I’d rather a man not tell me he loves than have those precious words tainted with deceit or used as meaningless jargon. IT IS A SLIGHT ON THE NATURE OF GOD when people are abused in the name of LOVE.

 Never start a “love” relationship until you know the God kind of love. It is only therein that that you can truly be the best and give the best. It will no longer be about you but the other person; love is then no longer self- centred but selfless. You cannot know the love of God via self- help books or other kind of intervention. The source of love is God and His nature is revealed in the bible with the help of the Holy Spirit. What better time than now to start relearning love? let’s give real love a go and it begins in the bible not Shakespeare!!

When I say "I LOVE YOU"

"I love you" is arguably the most loosely used words by people. It is carelessly tossed around by men and women alike without great thoughts given to its meaning. For many the words "I LOVE YOU" is a means to an end and not an end in itself. In some cases it’s even used as an instrument of abuse. For instance, many blame an abusive relationship on love. Recently, a man "battered" the mother of his new born child in the heat of an argument and later pulled are to his laps, rained kisses on her and said "sorry darling but you know I love you"! The poor woman remained in the relationship purely out of fear of being alone and justified the man's action as a consequence of “drunken love".
• • True love will never consciously hurt the other no matter the provocation. 
  • True love implies commitment through the good times and the not so palatable situations. 
  • True love is saying what you mean and meaning what you say. 
  • Love is not determined or motivated by external factors.
  • It is a conscious decision not based on emotions alone.
  • It is a deliberate decision to remain in love no matter what.
  • Love is work.
  • Love does not bully.
  
  
  
  For some love is an acquired behaviour as it does not come naturally and has to be learnt. Since God is the author of love, let’s examine what love truly means in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, I call it the LOVEOMETRE.  
  

Happy Marriage Anniversary IRON LADY

Love is beautiful isn't? It's not an inanimate feeling but an action that is visible and real to its recipients- you KNOW IT, you can FEEL IT and you can PRACTICALLY TOUCH IT. It is such a joy to love and be loved in return, that is why the world is constantly seeking love. Unfortunately many are looking in the wrong places. In the words of the Late Pastor Bimbo Odukoya of Fountain of Life church,Lagos Nigeria LOVE IS WORK and I dare to add "commitment to work". These days, most people want the trappings of love but are not ready to put in the work that makes love worth all the work. A lot of couples exert energy and huge finances on their weddings but bolt at the first sign of trouble in paradise-HOW SAD. Its no wonder the world is riddled with divorces and single parenting is an accepted life style statement(I don't mean for those who are accidental single mums and dads). The other day, I even came across a website that offers DIY divorce services...wetin man eye no dey see for this world. marriage vows now has an escape clause "for better for stay, for worse for go" (pls ignore my grammar that's how I heard the vows in a movie). So given the warped attitude towards the marriage covenant, I am always excited to see couples who stay married and IN LOVE. Its my darling friend Uwa's marriage anniversary today and I'm so excited. I've wanted to do a post on Uwa for a long time but never got round to it so this epoch celebration is a welcomed opportunity to do just that. The first day she walked into the newsroom at my former work place, I knew there was something different about her. She had on a bright red lipstick- her signature lip colour-and exuded confidence. Her red lipstick said a lot about her- strong,sexy, fearless, bold, shrewd and very smart. I privately call her IRON LADY because she's never afraid to voice her opinions or bare her claws if the situation warrants it. Yes! the iron lady could fight dirty if pushed to it..so BEWARE!! However beneath the armour lies a very soft and loving heart. I caught a glimpse of this hidden part the day I found out she was married and that was the beginning of a never ending flow of "sweetness" lol. She unashamedly calls her husband SWEETNESS everywhere and at any given chance in fact I don't even know his name or even thinks he has a name anymore..lol. It takes a woman that is confidently in love to boldly declare that love both in private and in public...I GO LOVE OH. It also takes a strong woman to nurture love without giving up. YOU MY FRIEND ARE VERY STRONG. That sweetness that started eight years ago is still exuding goodness today and will forever. Happy anniversary IRON LADY.

Dilema of a Single Girl

Once again it’s that time of the year!! Christmas is in the air and the streets are already lit with festive lights. Dublin city centre is agog with early shoppers jostling to get good bargains and probably a quick dig into that endless list of "Santa's list". I didn't have a shopping or to do list rather I was aimlessly gazing through every brightly lit window shop until a particular window dressing stopped me in my tracks. It had got to be the most glitter studded shoe I'd ever seen! I imagined myself in "dem killer heels" and was in the store before I could control myself. Seriously, I was practically drooling over "dem" heels until the price tags caused my saliva glands to malfunction. It was way out of my price range but what the heck its Christmas-A TIME TO SPLURGE. It was the perfect party shoe but I wasn't much of a "parry person". Not that I don’t like parties but the idea of walking alone into a room filled with mostly strange faces sometimes churns my stomach. It would be awkward seating at a table among strangers whom you have absolutely nothing in common with and nothing to *gist* about. Sigh!! So how does a single girl survive the party filled Christmas season without losing her dignity? I was discussing online dating sites with a couple of friends the other day and was practically in stitches at the responses I got from these marvelous ladies. Seriously!! Their answers ranged from online dating sites are for "lemmos", to its unchristian like" and “all manner of creeps troll the internet”. I agree all manner of "creeps" troll the internet but I am on the internet as well and I'm no creep. The world as we know it has advanced into a global village as a result of the WORLD WIDE WEB. Political revolutions are being spurred on the internet and religious leaders have embraced newer media platforms so what's wrong if love is borne via a media platform? Truth is the internet could be a dangerous platform to form a love relationship because "ANYONE COULD BE ANYBODY" on the internet. It allows the creation of a false reality (have you noticed how everyone seemed to be living the good life on FB?). I have met my fair share of "creeps on the internet but I have also made some great friendship through this platform (I will be gisting you about that in my next post). Like my good friend said “we have to meet people somehow” and since the world has moved online, there might be opportunities there as well but BE CAREFUL .Moreover because a dating site says it Christian does not make the people you meet there "holy angels" and this line of thought applies to every other platform that you meet people through. I know loneliness is hard to deal with especially during the yuletide seasons but it’s be better to be safe than sorry. So whatever platform you seek to enjoy the season just BE CAREFUL. p.s I hope my "killer shoes" don't end up abandoned in the closet with others but find its way to rock some parties this season...SO HELP ME GOD

Broken promises- A survivor's tale

"It wasn't meant to end this way", she told herself as she made an attempt to grasp his arm but he shrugged off her hands. "Sweetheart", she cried! "Dont do this to me", "to us" she wailed but he looked at her with such disdain that made her cringe and hold her slightly bulging tummy for comfort. He slammed the door with such force that the picture frame hanging by the door fell to the ground and shattered to a thousand pieces. She picked up the picture and brushed off the shreds of tiny glasses from the faces of the happy couple starring back at her. Faces that held such promises, such love, but like the broken picture frame, now lay in a broken fragment, spewed all over the floor. Gently the stream of tears began to flow. the gentle gasps became heart wrenching sobs that tore at her soul. She felf bereft, cold, with a massive hole in heart. How long she sat huddled in the corner of the room holding the picture frame close to her heart, she didn't know not even the tiny hunger pangs could get her to rise from her new found haven. "It wasn't meant to end this way" she kept repeating to herself as if those words could change this nightmarish past hours and she would wake up beside her love. Life had beeen tough and growing up harsh. But you would never know simply by looking at the gentle, bubbly exterior. She'd always been the life and soul of every party. Not a dull moment in her company. Despite the seemingly glowing personalty layed a fearful little girl. She'd never known real love neither allowed herself to be loved. Love left one vulnerable, open to hurt. She'd seen too many women torn and scared by love and vowed "never to be one of them". Her mother was a victim of a loveless sham of a marriage that eventually killed her. Countless times she'd heard the fights, slamming doors and sometimes the turturous sounds of her mother being pummelled and tossed about like a rag doll.Whatabout the nights she'd hear her mother cry herself to bed and wake up in the morning with a shaky smile and pretend nothing happened the previous night or worse still lie that her red swollen eyes were caused by lack of sleep. "What about the swollen lips, mama", she'd ask but her mother would shrug off the question by giving her a hug and saying it was nothing and now she is dead! She'd vowed never to be anyman's doormat nor a victim like her mum. But the woman cuddled in the corner in a muddled mess gasping through thee gut-wrenching tears stated otherwise. She'd met Pius at an office event and she'd been drawn to him from the moment their eyes met across the room. She'd tried to avoid him all evening and still her trembling hands but she couldn't resist him when he asked her for a dance. That was the beginning of a romance that broke her reserve and seared through the defences she'd built around her heart. He'd promise they'll be together forever and she'd reckoned this must be heaven. Pius was her ideal man. Hardworking, successful gentle, respectful and always treated her as his queen. Money was never an issue. he was generous to a fault. He'd pampered her and she basked in his love. He treated her like a fragile egg. Then he dropped the egg!The news of her pregnancy was meant to be the icing on the cake, a seal of their love. Rather, it turned her prince into a monster. words cant describe the look on his face when she told him of her pregnancy. He pushed her away and demanded she abort the product of their love. He never gave her a reason just demanded she killed their unborn child. Her fairytale romance had become a nightmare! He'd broken her heart. Murdered her one effort at true love. Without any explanation, he messed up her life,slammed the door and walked out, JUST LIKE THAT! As she laid sprawled on the floor, she felt the baby move. It was a barely there movement but she felt it. "What will happen to us little one" she wondered. She struggled to her feet as she felt the first few pangs of hunger. She'd been crying for so long and had lost track of time. But she needed to eat. As she made her way to the kitchen, she caught her reflection in the mirror. Muddled hair and mascara steaming down her face. Her felection reminded her of her mother-battered, broken and with eyes that had experienced too much pain and she resoved never to be the woman in te mirror. She will survive! She dragged herself to the bathroom washed her face, applied fresh make-up and made her way back to the kitchen. Over dinner,she assessed her life and felt a sob caught at the back of her throat but she refused to cry. A bible scripture came to mind "He heals the brokenhearted and bind up their wounds"psalm 147:3. She'd not read her bible in a long time and the tears welled up again. this time she allowed them to flow. She was broken and needed the comfort of God's loving embrace. She admitted that the journey will be tumulteous and she needed the gentle reminder that God gave that "He would never leave us nor forsake us no matter how steeped in sin we are as long as we call to Him. Awashed with a new found peace, she picked up her phone and dialled her closest friend. She needed someone who would walk this new path with her without judging her. A friend who would be there when she will need a shoulder to cry on and she knew just who that person was.

Seriously need therapy!

He has a lovely smile! Infact, I love the way his eyes twinkle when he smiles! My heart is supposed to skip a beat in anticipation or with longings for more moments like this (atleast according to M&B...thank God wise women have discovered that fictional romantic books aint the best for relationship advice). Rather, my palm was sweaty and my heart skipped a beat in trepidation. What is wrong with me I wondered as I gently ate my Thai curry rice and watched him wolf down his stake and chips(hey! he said he was hungry didnt he?). Aside from the obvious reasons staring me right in the face, why am I scared of him or better still what am I scared of? Its been ages since I was in a relationship aside from that nitwit that i thought would be but never was(shit happens). Today I realised that I am truly scared of any emotional attachment to the opposite sex. For six years I have hidden under the guise of waiting for the right person and saving sex for the marital bed but the truth is how can I give myself when I'm scared shitless about being hurt or making mistakes. I cant even bring myself to give having a relationship a go.Ofcourse, sex outside marriage is a no-no as the bible rightly outlines in Heb 13:4 "Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immorale". But this gal is covering up deeper issues. hmmmm! Sometimes, I tell myself that I'd rather be alone,build my career and have another baby through adoption as I want Josh to have a brother or a sister. Other times I crave the companionship of a partner, someone to call and ask how my day was. I watch some of my married friends and truly desire what they have but other times I love the single life I've built for myself over the years.My date is not as educated as I am neither is he tall dark and handsome but he seemed genuinely nice and wants a real relationship with me. Why am I allowing the errors and hurts of the past hold me back from what might be a beautiful union. I told him we should not rush things and I'll give him feedback after giving the idea of us together another thought but what i trully want to do is crawl under a huge rock and disappear(talk of being complicated). I believe its high time I dealt with the heart of the issue and stop hiding behind excuses, fear, hurt and the past. this sister seriously needs therapy.