Tuesday, 19 June 2012

Broken promises- A survivor's tale

"It wasn't meant to end this way", she told herself as she made an attempt to grasp his arm but he shrugged off her hands. "Sweetheart", she cried! "Dont do this to me", "to us" she wailed but he looked at her with such disdain that made her cringe and hold her slightly bulging tummy for comfort. He slammed the door with such force that the picture frame hanging by the door fell to the ground and shattered to a thousand pieces. She picked up the picture and brushed off the shreds of tiny glasses from the faces of the happy couple starring back at her. Faces that held such promises, such love, but like the broken picture frame, now lay in a broken fragment, spewed all over the floor. Gently the stream of tears began to flow. the gentle gasps became heart wrenching sobs that tore at her soul. She felf bereft, cold, with a massive hole in heart. How long she sat huddled in the corner of the room holding the picture frame close to her heart, she didn't know not even the tiny hunger pangs could get her to rise from her new found haven. "It wasn't meant to end this way" she kept repeating to herself as if those words could change this nightmarish past hours and she would wake up beside her love. Life had beeen tough and growing up harsh. But you would never know simply by looking at the gentle, bubbly exterior. She'd always been the life and soul of every party. Not a dull moment in her company. Despite the seemingly glowing personalty layed a fearful little girl. She'd never known real love neither allowed herself to be loved. Love left one vulnerable, open to hurt. She'd seen too many women torn and scared by love and vowed "never to be one of them". Her mother was a victim of a loveless sham of a marriage that eventually killed her. Countless times she'd heard the fights, slamming doors and sometimes the turturous sounds of her mother being pummelled and tossed about like a rag doll.Whatabout the nights she'd hear her mother cry herself to bed and wake up in the morning with a shaky smile and pretend nothing happened the previous night or worse still lie that her red swollen eyes were caused by lack of sleep. "What about the swollen lips, mama", she'd ask but her mother would shrug off the question by giving her a hug and saying it was nothing and now she is dead! She'd vowed never to be anyman's doormat nor a victim like her mum. But the woman cuddled in the corner in a muddled mess gasping through thee gut-wrenching tears stated otherwise. She'd met Pius at an office event and she'd been drawn to him from the moment their eyes met across the room. She'd tried to avoid him all evening and still her trembling hands but she couldn't resist him when he asked her for a dance. That was the beginning of a romance that broke her reserve and seared through the defences she'd built around her heart. He'd promise they'll be together forever and she'd reckoned this must be heaven. Pius was her ideal man. Hardworking, successful gentle, respectful and always treated her as his queen. Money was never an issue. he was generous to a fault. He'd pampered her and she basked in his love. He treated her like a fragile egg. Then he dropped the egg!The news of her pregnancy was meant to be the icing on the cake, a seal of their love. Rather, it turned her prince into a monster. words cant describe the look on his face when she told him of her pregnancy. He pushed her away and demanded she abort the product of their love. He never gave her a reason just demanded she killed their unborn child. Her fairytale romance had become a nightmare! He'd broken her heart. Murdered her one effort at true love. Without any explanation, he messed up her life,slammed the door and walked out, JUST LIKE THAT! As she laid sprawled on the floor, she felt the baby move. It was a barely there movement but she felt it. "What will happen to us little one" she wondered. She struggled to her feet as she felt the first few pangs of hunger. She'd been crying for so long and had lost track of time. But she needed to eat. As she made her way to the kitchen, she caught her reflection in the mirror. Muddled hair and mascara steaming down her face. Her felection reminded her of her mother-battered, broken and with eyes that had experienced too much pain and she resoved never to be the woman in te mirror. She will survive! She dragged herself to the bathroom washed her face, applied fresh make-up and made her way back to the kitchen. Over dinner,she assessed her life and felt a sob caught at the back of her throat but she refused to cry. A bible scripture came to mind "He heals the brokenhearted and bind up their wounds"psalm 147:3. She'd not read her bible in a long time and the tears welled up again. this time she allowed them to flow. She was broken and needed the comfort of God's loving embrace. She admitted that the journey will be tumulteous and she needed the gentle reminder that God gave that "He would never leave us nor forsake us no matter how steeped in sin we are as long as we call to Him. Awashed with a new found peace, she picked up her phone and dialled her closest friend. She needed someone who would walk this new path with her without judging her. A friend who would be there when she will need a shoulder to cry on and she knew just who that person was.

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