Thursday, 6 November 2014

Drop the crutches

Successful relationships don't just happen. They are the products of hard work, commitment, purpose, dedication with the constant infusion of  trust, love, motivation, encouragement, patience, gentleness, forgiveness and empathy among others. Patience is essential though not more than others but because every relationship consists of two different people from different backgrounds who have been been formed by different experiences. It could be culture, education, family even simple issues like political affiliations and leanings make up a person's persona.

 These differences would somehow find their way into a relationship even if one or the other person was pretending. A person can only wear a fa├žade for so long before the cracks start showing. Outbursts of emotions or mis-used expression does not necessarily mean hate but might imply that the other person has not learnt a better way of sharing their pains or dealing with issues due to their formative experiences or sometimes poor choices.

 I mentioned poor choices because you can use your formative experiences as a crutch which eventually affects your relationship adversely.  An emotional crutch could be anything from fear, doubt, hurts, any excuse that keeps you from having and enjoying a better today. It holds you back and stifles your growth.  It could even be a person. The person with the crutch will eventually drag the other down if care is not taken.While a patience is a virtue, if absolute care is not taken the person with an emotional crutch that is unwilling to give it up will end up in an emotional wheelchair. SO BEWARE. 

 For healthier relationship, start making choices that will enhance your life, devoid of past experiences and emotional drama. I did a soul search recently and identified my crutches.Some were more obvious than others but crutches nonetheless.I grew up in a dysfunctional home(like you didn't) and had an emotionally charged teenage years.I logged around emotional garbage for years but got to a point that I had to consciously ditch the garbage so I could have a healthy life and future.  I got tired of using my past as a crutch and started making healthier and better choices for ME. I realised that the change that I desired must start with me. 

Nobody can run using crutches so why do people think they can have a healthy relationship while dragging past hurts and behaviours around? Dropping the emotional hangup is a personal choice that nobody can make for you, you have to take the decision. I consciously don't allow relationships that will not enhance me into my life. I surround myself with emotionally healthy people or those who are sincerely working on getting rid of the crutches.

 I say sincerely because some people are in denial that is why a soul search is necessary. David did it in Psalm 90:12 "teach me to number my days that I might apply myself to wisdom". A past boyfriend would rather run from a relationship than deal with issues but I'm the opposite. NO MORE RUNNING OR HIDING BEHIND CRUTCHES.

2015 is fast approaching. Instead of starting a new year with hang ups, why not do a soul search, identify the issues that hold you from being your best and drop the crutches. You'll walk taller then.

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