Rising from the ROT

I'd messed up again! This time, the guilt was terrible because I thought by now I should know better. I should know better than to deviate from my diet plan and stuff my stomach with food. More than ever before my doctor advised me to shed weight for health reasons. It all started when I missed breakfast as I had to dash out early in the morning to attend a meeting. You see, breakfast for me is a big deal as it sets a healthy tone for my day. A full breakfast prevents me from binging on whatever food comes my way. Even dieticians say it’s the most important meal of the day and my body had adjusted to that routine. So every time I miss breakfast, its diet down the drain.

However this time, I was very disappointment with myself as I'd been doing so well and thought I had achieved a doable structure. I just could not stop eating. My eyes and hands were drawn to every food in the kitchen and my poor stomach couldn't say no. I refused to listen to logic on why I should stop the downward spiral. There seemed to be a total disconnection between my head and my stomach. NO EXCUSES! That night, I ended up beating myself up for failing yet again. That simple loss of control almost pulled me into a whirlpool of despair and depression until something snapped within my spirit. Hold it right there girl! It’s just a diet! Get back on the plan and give that blob of fat some *ass whooping* We all make mistakes sometimes despite our best intentions. Even the best of us come short of our expectations and the most carefully laid up plans could go up in flames despite our efforts to keep it together. But you don't have to remain in the rot of your errors. Peter made a mistake. He denied his master after he had boasted to all and sundry that he was with *Jesus all the way* "Then Jesus told them, “This very night you will all fall away on account of me, for it is written: ‘I will strike the shepherd, and the sheep of the flock will be scattered. But after I have risen, I will go ahead of you into Galilee.” Peter replied, “Even if all fall away on account of you, I never will. “Truly I tell you,” Jesus answered, “This very night, before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times. “But Peter declared, “Even if I have to die with you, I will never disown you" Mathew 26:31-35. Peter did deny Jesus not once but three times. He felt bad like we all do after we make terrible mistakes but he rose above the tears, regrets, self-condemnation, sought forgiveness and continued in the ministry. Most people find it difficult to forgive themselves after making a mistake. I found it difficult forgiving myself after getting pregnant. It was not a situation; I'd envisaged and definitely against my better judgement but it happened. I learnt beating myself up does not change the situation but rising up from the rot would. If God could forgive our sins as unforgivable as they might seem then we should forgive ourselves. Embracing forgiveness is the best thing we could do for ourselves to live a better and fruitful life. This morning, I'm back on the plan. I ate a healthy meal of wholemeal brown bread with a cup of tea. I hated it (who eats seeded bread...sob*sob*) but it was necessary so that my diet plan might hold. Just like your relationship with God requires daily concerted fellowship through prayers and meditation on the word. Moreover,fellowship with our father is not as boring as my breakfast but soooo exciting and spiritually invigorating. The journey to wholeness is a daily process that requires total dependence on the Holy Spirit. So if you've been down in the rot, get on board this plane, ITS TIME TO RISE AND SHINE. HOLLA! P.S. I’m competing secretly against my friend. Every time I see her Facebook profile picture, the thought of eating eba disappears completely. She’s lost so much weight and looks fab. GAME ON ISIOMA.

.............and God showed up.

"Lord, what's going on?, I asked. I'd been in church for over an hour and no other member of the choir had shown up. Some members had given their excuses but what about the others I mused. "when last did you trully pray for the choir? asked that gentle, familiar, silent but audible voice. "before you start playing the sanctimonious leader check yourself". Immediately, my prayer stance changed and I spent the next thirty minutes praying."lord, I'm sorry! help me out here" I cried. Attendance at the choir rehearsals had been dwinling over time. It seems the members had simply lost interest or the fire had died. Ministrations had grown cold, robotic and bland. The downward spiral started after we had our 3-day summer prayer and fasting program. I guess we were so engrossed in the success of the event that we'd allowed things to slip.

Lesson learnt! following my dialogue with the holy spirit, I did not reprimand my members rather charged them with the seriousness of the business at hand. It just wouldnt do to let our guards down or be puffed up with the mercy showers we had been enjoying. The "special number" was abysmal, barely there, as our lack of preparation showed in our rendition. Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatever a man sows, that shall he also reap",(Gal 6:7). Also 2 Corinthians 9:6 "Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously". God works with and by principles. We had sown nothing so we reaped nothing. Lesson learnt! Attendance improved slightly at the next reharsals-3 people turned up(that number included me) but I wasn't fazed. Interestingly, the three of us that showed up werent that musically inclined but WE WERE AVAILABLE. The song we chose to minister was a bit tecnical but I wasn't fazed. I was prayed up and ready to give it my ultimate best even the technical bit. "aunty, should we do the brige? Rachel asked. "its a bit techy". "yes, I answered with much emphasis. "especially the bridge. God will show up", I continued with a smile. My confidence stemmed up more from God's faithfulness not so much my ability to hold a note(have you heard me sing?....lololol. my familiy still dont believe I'm in the choir...don't tell them I'm even in charge..lol). And yes! God showed up that sunday. The ministration was awesome. we were not overly prepared but we were a yielded and willing instrument in the hands of God. I was humbled...and I'm humbled still. Lesson learnt! "Know therefore that the Lord your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commandments".(Deuteronomy 7:9)God indeed works by principle. when we do our part He will back us up. Now I'll share the original version of the song we ministered. Its "I NEED YOU" BY EDDIE JAMES.