I'd messed up again! This time, the guilt was terrible because I thought by now I should know better. I should know better than to deviate from my diet plan and stuff my stomach with food. More than ever before my doctor advised me to shed weight for health reasons. It all started when I missed breakfast as I had to dash out early in the morning to attend a meeting. You see, breakfast for me is a big deal as it sets a healthy tone for my day. A full breakfast prevents me from binging on whatever food comes my way. Even dieticians say it’s the most important meal of the day and my body had adjusted to that routine. So every time I miss breakfast, its diet down the drain.
However this time, I was very disappointment with myself as I'd been doing so well and thought I had achieved a doable structure. I just could not stop eating. My eyes and hands were drawn to every food in the kitchen and my poor stomach couldn't say no. I refused to listen to logic on why I should stop the downward spiral. There seemed to be a total disconnection between my head and my stomach. NO EXCUSES! That night, I ended up beating myself up for failing yet again. That simple loss of control almost pulled me into a whirlpool of despair and depression until something snapped within my spirit. Hold it right there girl! It’s just a diet! Get back on the plan and give that blob of fat some *ass whooping*
We all make mistakes sometimes despite our best intentions. Even the best of us come short of our expectations and the most carefully laid up plans could go up in flames despite our efforts to keep it together. But you don't have to remain in the rot of your errors. Peter made a mistake. He denied his master after he had boasted to all and sundry that he was with *Jesus all the way* "Then Jesus told them, “This very night you will all fall away on account of me, for it is written: ‘I will strike the shepherd, and the sheep of the flock will be scattered. But after I have risen, I will go ahead of you into Galilee.” Peter replied, “Even if all fall away on account of you, I never will. “Truly I tell you,” Jesus answered, “This very night, before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times. “But Peter declared, “Even if I have to die with you, I will never disown you" Mathew 26:31-35. Peter did deny Jesus not once but three times. He felt bad like we all do after we make terrible mistakes but he rose above the tears, regrets, self-condemnation, sought forgiveness and continued in the ministry.
Most people find it difficult to forgive themselves after making a mistake. I found it difficult forgiving myself after getting pregnant. It was not a situation; I'd envisaged and definitely against my better judgement but it happened. I learnt beating myself up does not change the situation but rising up from the rot would. If God could forgive our sins as unforgivable as they might seem then we should forgive ourselves. Embracing forgiveness is the best thing we could do for ourselves to live a better and fruitful life.
This morning, I'm back on the plan. I ate a healthy meal of wholemeal brown bread with a cup of tea. I hated it (who eats seeded bread...sob*sob*) but it was necessary so that my diet plan might hold. Just like your relationship with God requires daily concerted fellowship through prayers and meditation on the word. Moreover,fellowship with our father is not as boring as my breakfast but soooo exciting and spiritually invigorating. The journey to wholeness is a daily process that requires total dependence on the Holy Spirit. So if you've been down in the rot, get on board this plane, ITS TIME TO RISE AND SHINE. HOLLA!
P.S. I’m competing secretly against my friend. Every time I see her Facebook profile picture, the thought of eating eba disappears completely. She’s lost so much weight and looks fab. GAME ON ISIOMA.