A MOTHER'S DILEMMA

"Dinaaah", Leah called out. "Where is that lazy little missy? she asked the servant sweeping the courtyard. "She's gone visiting the women of the land", the servant girl answered. "This girl will not bring the death of me", Leah said and went back into the house. It was a bright, sunny day and the heat was in its element. Leah had all sorts of plans laid out for the day. The boys’ clothes needed mending and there was lunch to prepare. It’s not easy running a house full of boys; she could barely catch up with their huge appetite not with their constantly changing and diverse needs. Pheew! She muttered as she wondered what she could drum up for them that would not start a quarrel! She really was not in the mood and the heat was not helping matters. Suddenly, Leah heard a commotion outside. Out of curiosity, she looked out of the window and almost fainted. She drew her robe around her and ran outside. It was Dinah being carried in by the servants. Her worst fears were confirmed! Her daughter was dead! With her heart in her mouth she moved closer to the servants who were clustered round the still figure of her daughter. The servants cleared a path for her as she drew closer. "What happened to my baby", she wailed. At the sound of her mother's voice, the still figure on the ground moved and opened her arms for the comfort that only a mother could provide. With tears in her eyes, Leah hugged her baby as the young girl cried like her heart was broken. Indeed her heart was broken. She'd been violated! Raped! Leah pulled Dinah into her arms praying the pain away, wanting her daughter's pain to be HER PAIN. She wanted to be the one who's was violated. She could bear the pain but Dinah was her little girl too young for life's pain or any pain. Without a word, she led the broken girl into the house and gently stripped off the blood stained clothes from her body. The water cleaned her body but it could not wash the damage that had been done to her little girl. Leah gently led Dinah into her room, wrapped her in a blanket and tried to warm a young heart that had gone cold. "Lord, where did I go wrong? leah wondered. She'd suffered all her life. Ridiculed for her "weak eyes" while growing up and unloved by her husband...not to mention having to share the said man with her sister. She'd done her best to protect her kids now this! What would people say? "God why? “Mummy I'm sorry", Dinah whispered and started to cry again. "It’s ok, my darling", Leah reassured her. But she had her fears. "Hush little baby, don’t you cry," she sang. "mamma's gonna buy you a mocking bird, and if the mocking bird wont sing, mamma's gonna buy you a diamond ring". She continued singing until she heard the quiet but husky breathing of her little girl gone to sleep. This "assumed scenario" in Genesis 34 played out in my mind as I watched Joshua play with the toys in the Doctor's surgery. I'd noticed something was wrong when he was less than a year and I'd shared my concerns to my GP who referred us to the children's hospital. This visit was a confirmation of my fears-A MOTHER'S NIGHTMARE. Every parent desires the best for their children and worry when something goes wrong or a child does not grow as expected. The initial feeling is SELF BLAME and the questions start to roll. Where did I go wrong? What have I done to deserve this? Could it be something in my Past? Then ANGER, BITTERNESS,DISAPPOINTMENT, REGRETS,SHAME SELF PITY AND RECRIMATIONS, DEPRESSION etc. Can you understand the pain of being ashammed of your own child and disappointed? I felt all that and more. In all I have learnt it was not my fault neither are the challenges you face your fault. Sometimes this thing happen that we might NEED GOD AND LEAN ON HIM. Even if it was your fault, all the more reason to NEED HIM like I do now more than ever. It’s been a challenge with Joshua but it’s a good challenge (I wouldn't exchange the experience for the world). I sometimes worry when I'm not with him and hope other kids don’t take advantage of Him. These concerns are normal but since I'm not OMNIPRESENT or OMNISCIENT, I gladly hand over the situation to one who IS-PROBLEM SOLVED. Leah could not control the actions of her sons when they heard about what happened to their sister but she could ease the pain of her baby girl. I have learnt in the process that the best thing I can do for my baby is to leave him In God's hands and not worry my head off. Worry never changes the situation but GOD CAN. He is FAITHFUL TO HIS WORDS. I daily bless Joshua with the word and declare God's promises upon His life. I lay claim to Healing scriptures because it’s MEDICINE TO OUR FLESH “For they are life to those who find them, and healing to all their flesh”. Proverbs 4:22 I have also let go of the VICTIM'S MENTALITY AND EMBRACED THE VICTOR'S ATTITUDE because I know “that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose”. Rom 8:28.