Rising from the ROT

I'd messed up again! This time, the guilt was terrible because I thought by now I should know better. I should know better than to deviate from my diet plan and stuff my stomach with food. More than ever before my doctor advised me to shed weight for health reasons. It all started when I missed breakfast as I had to dash out early in the morning to attend a meeting. You see, breakfast for me is a big deal as it sets a healthy tone for my day. A full breakfast prevents me from binging on whatever food comes my way. Even dieticians say it’s the most important meal of the day and my body had adjusted to that routine. So every time I miss breakfast, its diet down the drain.

However this time, I was very disappointment with myself as I'd been doing so well and thought I had achieved a doable structure. I just could not stop eating. My eyes and hands were drawn to every food in the kitchen and my poor stomach couldn't say no. I refused to listen to logic on why I should stop the downward spiral. There seemed to be a total disconnection between my head and my stomach. NO EXCUSES! That night, I ended up beating myself up for failing yet again. That simple loss of control almost pulled me into a whirlpool of despair and depression until something snapped within my spirit. Hold it right there girl! It’s just a diet! Get back on the plan and give that blob of fat some *ass whooping* We all make mistakes sometimes despite our best intentions. Even the best of us come short of our expectations and the most carefully laid up plans could go up in flames despite our efforts to keep it together. But you don't have to remain in the rot of your errors. Peter made a mistake. He denied his master after he had boasted to all and sundry that he was with *Jesus all the way* "Then Jesus told them, “This very night you will all fall away on account of me, for it is written: ‘I will strike the shepherd, and the sheep of the flock will be scattered. But after I have risen, I will go ahead of you into Galilee.” Peter replied, “Even if all fall away on account of you, I never will. “Truly I tell you,” Jesus answered, “This very night, before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times. “But Peter declared, “Even if I have to die with you, I will never disown you" Mathew 26:31-35. Peter did deny Jesus not once but three times. He felt bad like we all do after we make terrible mistakes but he rose above the tears, regrets, self-condemnation, sought forgiveness and continued in the ministry. Most people find it difficult to forgive themselves after making a mistake. I found it difficult forgiving myself after getting pregnant. It was not a situation; I'd envisaged and definitely against my better judgement but it happened. I learnt beating myself up does not change the situation but rising up from the rot would. If God could forgive our sins as unforgivable as they might seem then we should forgive ourselves. Embracing forgiveness is the best thing we could do for ourselves to live a better and fruitful life. This morning, I'm back on the plan. I ate a healthy meal of wholemeal brown bread with a cup of tea. I hated it (who eats seeded bread...sob*sob*) but it was necessary so that my diet plan might hold. Just like your relationship with God requires daily concerted fellowship through prayers and meditation on the word. Moreover,fellowship with our father is not as boring as my breakfast but soooo exciting and spiritually invigorating. The journey to wholeness is a daily process that requires total dependence on the Holy Spirit. So if you've been down in the rot, get on board this plane, ITS TIME TO RISE AND SHINE. HOLLA! P.S. I’m competing secretly against my friend. Every time I see her Facebook profile picture, the thought of eating eba disappears completely. She’s lost so much weight and looks fab. GAME ON ISIOMA.

Everyday a CHRISTMAS

She calls me her "Christmas buddy" because we get to chat only on Christmas day. My friend is a fantastic lady but for some inexplicable reason Christmas is the only time we get to connect and spend hours on the phone catching up. After the excitement of the day is over, it takes another 364 days or the odd 365 for us to reconnect again. A lot of us are familiar with this cycle. When I was growing up my brothers attended church only on the 24th of December to herald the birth of Jesus and after that Jesus is shoved back to the angels till the next Christmas eve. It was a ritual that took years and eventually concerted efforts by their wives to break. Christmas for a lot of people is the only opportunity to pamper and get pampered then its back to the doldrums of daily living. Where I live, the Christmas lights have finally been removed from the streets after many weeks of brightening the night skies and many hearts. Even the bravest person has put away the much celebrated Christmas tree and decorations. It’s all back in storage till the next season. The festive buzz has died out and everything and everyone is finally back to normal. However, normalcy for some is trying to pay off huge bills incurred to buy gifts and decorations for loved ones. Some debts are up to the value of €2,000. Ironically, most of these lovingly and painstakingly purchased gifts end up being sold on eBay or done deal described simply as unwanted Christmas presents. Some are even planning for the next Christmas already by joining much advertised savings schemes geared towards having a debt free Christmas. I miss the spontaneous laughter and greetings that filled the air in the build-up to Christmas; everyone smiling and happy just because it’s Christmas (even enemies become friends for a day, problems forgotten). It’s like the reality of Christmas and the message it brings, the festive cheer and well wishes have simply varnished till December 2013; the spirit of celebration boxed away like the trees and tinsels used to represent it. Already everywhere you turn its gloomy faces of people hit with financial worries, health scare and family crises. But it doesn't have to be that way. Beyond the commercialisation of Christmas, the message of this great celebration is timeless and can't be put in storage. It shouldn't be put away in a small corner of our hearts and pulled out like a magician's trick if and when necessary. IT IS AN EVERYDAY EXPERIENCE. The mere reason that today is not 25th of December doesn’t change the reality of GOD WITH US. Remember, in all that you go through GOD IS WITH YOU and not stored away in storage or in heaven waiting to appear once a year. Everyday offers new opportunities to be embraced by the love of God and be reminded of His faithfulness. "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; 23 they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness" Lamentations 3:22-23. So cheer up! The calendar might say Christmas is over but in my heart every day is Christmas.". "The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel"--which means, "God with us." Mathew 1:23

Worth every ounce of Faith

It was a three day journey to the mountain. The purpose was not to view the land and enjoy the scenery but to sacrifice his only son-THE SON OF PROMISE! He wasn't even given proper directions just this basic instruction “Take now your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love, and go to the land of Moriah, and offer him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains of which I shall tell you". Gen 22:2. God even rubbed insult on an open wound by emphasising the exact person he wanted Abraham to sacrifice in case there was any doubt in his mind. Imagine the audacity! If I was Abraham, any of these scenarios would have played out. 1. I would feign Ignorance; pretend I did not hear God. 2. Refuse to His face that the request was impossible, count me out of your outlandish demand. 3. I'll go up the mountain, wailing, crying, dragging my feet and making sure everyone knew what I was up to. 4. Enlist prayer warriors to help change the mind of God. But Abraham didn't open his mouth to protest except to give instructions to the servants that followed him. He didn't waste time but left home very early in the morning to implement God's command. Abraham did not leave room for distractions or excuses. Those three days journey must have been the longest and the most arduous in Abraham's life yet it turned out to be the most fulfilling yet. Every step lifted in pain was substituted with Faith on that mountain trek. Every step and passing day an assurance that GOD IS FAITHFUL. I wonder why God didn't chose a mountain that was closer to home so Abraham could get the work done and over with. At least that would save Abraham the pain of looking into Isaac's eyes throughout the journey. However, it had to be three days so that the work of perfection might be complete in Abraham because THERE IS NO RUSHING GOD. "Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing" James 1:3-4. You can't rush the process. At the end of the journey, on that mountain top Abraham touched the heart of God with his obedience, his blinding Faith in God without a shadow of a doubt. "Accounting that God was able to raise him up, even from the dead; from whence also he received him in a figure" Heb 11:19. On that mountain, he received the fulfilment of the promise and IT WAS WORTH EVERY OUNCE OF FAITH exercised on the journey. That phrase was used by a friend during a discussion and it got me to write this post. The phrase is simple yet profound. You see, unlike Abraham, I have screamed, complained cried even cursed up the mountain. I even threw a couple of pity slumber parties for effects but THERE IS NO RUSHING GOD. I'd allowed myself to wallow in my *situation* and lost sight of the purpose of the journey in the first place. As far as I was concerned, God set me up! Over time, I have realised it’s not the drama, tantrums and crying that releases the promise but COMPLETE FAITH IN GOD. Of course He understands our pain and is touched by our tears as scripture rightly says " For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are--yet was without sin" Hebrew 4:15 but God wants us to trust him in the midst of the challenge with our pain. It’s like a mother reaching out to her child who's crying because of hunger. The child automatically knows that with mum in the picture then food is only a few seconds away. Crying and throwing tantrum would not bring the food any sooner or make it cook faster. How much more with God! “If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him! Mathew 7:11. . But God will not hurry the process so why not enjoy the journey and trust He that has promised. Every challenge and hurts are building blocks in our relationship with God. It depends on how you view the situation. Initially, I couldn't fathom "the whys" but its starting to make sense now. Abraham kept his eyes on the goal and not on his circumstance and received an incredible testimony. Our focus should not be on our situation but on God no matter how difficult it might be. Challenges are glory moments for God and that my friend is WORTH EVERY OUNCE OF FAITH. Picture courtesy Fr Peter Tremblay's blog

MAKE THE CHANGE THAT COUNTS.

It was Friday prayer meeting and I was restless. I couldn't understand nor dislodge this sense of urgency in my spirit. I really wanted the service to be over so I could go home and get "fierce" in my private prayer closet. More than ever before, I had this pressing desire to burst (not pee but "birth pangs"). I didn't stay for the usual chit-chat after the meeting but made a quick dash for home. You would think that that'd I'd jump straight into my prayer closet as planned but I didn’t. Rather, I made a detour to my library and picked up this book written by my good friend and professional colleague OLUDARE MAYOWA titled MAKE THE CHANGE THAT COUNTS. I've known Mayowa for eleven years and he put me through the ropes when I was transferred to the business desk at my job. I was a total green horn at Stock issues and he introduced me to the best reporters at the capital market. MAKE THE CHANGE THAT COUNTS caught my attention and blew my mind. It is an intellectual discourse that can hold its own on any international bookstand. The issues are underpinned with Christian principle yet not overwhelmed with religious dogma. It is a practical guide for people that truly desire a mind-set and life style change. The book has a universal appeal as the issues addressed are directed at people in every sphere of life- christian and non christians,professionals, students, singles and married people who desire a change that will impact their lives and environment. You see human beings have a way of taking one another for granted probably because of presumed knowledge about the person. We lock people in a box and define them based on our knowledge of their past and experiences. This is not unlike how Jesus was treated when he went to Nazareth. The bible recorded that Jesus could not perform many miracles in his home town because of the people’s unbelief. “Is this not the carpenter, the Son of Mary, and brother of James, Joses, Judas, and Simon? And are not His sisters here with us?” So they were offended at Him.” Mark 6:3. After reading this book, I have a new found respect for my dear friend. My mind was opened to read a book written by someone close to me. I did not allow the prism of my knowledge and relationships with Mayowa prevent me from reading the book. This simple but deliberate step therefore unlocked the change that I so crave and write about. Change is possible even if the path is overrun with challenges. The outcome of your change is determined by how bad you desire the change, the principles that fuel your goals, the relationships you keep and your ability to be focused and not give up on your dream of a BETTER YOU. The themes in this book resonate with the experiences I’ve shared on this blog and offer more; acknowledge your past, learnt from it, forgive, heal and MOVE ON . It doesn’t matter how you got into the rut in the first place or who put you there. We’ve read so much about how Jacob cheated Esau off his birth right. My study shows that he set the spiritual challenges rolling himself by selling his birth right. He came back from work tired and hungry and exchanged his inheritance for food! Gen 25:24 clearly states that “Then Jacob gave Esau some bread and some lentil stew”. He ate and drank, and then got up and left”. Esau never considered the wider implication of that seemingly mindless action but later blamed Jacob-say what? Some of us are reeling from the consequences of seemingly harmless actions. If you over eat, you get fat; you have unprotected sex, you get pregnant; you dabble into crime, you get caught and go to jail. It’s as simple as that! However you can determine to break free from the chains of the past and be a brand new you. Esau did. After he lost his blessings to Esau, God said he will be beneath Jacob until he tires and BREAK FREE. "And it shall come to pass, when you become restless, that you shall break his yoke from your neck.” Gen 27:40.. The choice was his. Fast forward years later in Genesis 33, the lord had blessed him too. Until you become restless with the status -quo, YOU CANNOT MAKE THE CHANGE THAT COUNTS. In the journey to a better me, I’ve made some dietary and lifestyle changes. The result might not be visible yet but it will soon show. Dare to make that change today.

Naked and not ashamed.

I must confess, I actually watched porn once when I was in primary school! I remembered closing the door to the living room so nobody would catch me unawares. Anybody coming in would have to knock and that would be my signal to remove the video from its player. At that age, I found the scenes both erotic and dirty. I somehow knew it was wrong watching that kind of movie hence my “James bond effort “to conceal the illicit movie and not be found out. Unfortunately for me, the electricity went off and the tape got caught in the player but fortunately also the tape was removed by a mysterious person and nobody asked any question about how it got stuck in the player. This was good as any investigation would have exposed who owned the tape in the first place! So I was saved from a thorough lashing and so was what was left of my “innocence”. Thinking back on those years, I marvelled at the boldness of those ladies to bare it all and do what they do in front of a whole production crew. Aside from the sin factor and the fact that we live in a decadent age, it takes a lot for a "normal person" to bare it all in front of anybody especially if you have a flawed body image. We live in a time where there is so much media hype about the perfect body image. Hollywood is not helping matters either with celebrities flaunting their assets and paying huge money to get surgical procedures to get the perfect nose, eyes, butt lift, boob job etc. We fear the criticism so we hide the flaws! Photo shop, air brush, make up and technology are part of a today's arsenal to achieve the illusion of perfection. It’s downright unacceptable not to be on point even in fashion. Such a person will be the butt of media jokes and even friendly jests. How can a whole babe not have an Ipad, blackberry or even fix “ordinary Brazilian Hair? Even the simple act of taking pictures has become an art as you want only your best side to be taken. Thank God for digital cameras that enables you to edit and delete the ones that make you look like the backside of a hyena. Seriously, do you know how many times I’ve had to untag myself from unflattering photos of me posted on Facebook by friends? You guys are not helping my efforts to nab a millionaire this year, so watch it y’all! We live in a generation where everyone is "living the good life". On social networking sites everyone has created a persona of being "strong, confident, and successful without fears and concerns. However the truth is we all have areas of vulnerabilities, pains, troubles, issues of concerns that trouble us no matter how rich or successful we are. People around us don’t know about these burdens because we've mastered the art of disguising our feeling and are very fluent in "Christianise". We fear people knowing that "it’s not all rosy in paradise" so we keep up a facade while slowly dying inside. However success, wealth, marital status does not exempt pain if not rich people will not commit suicide. We are afraid to be ourselves because of what people will say about us so we hide the flaws behind make-up, clothes and 100 watts smile. We are all desperate to project the right image. Even before God we are afraid to be real. The book of Genesis 3 tells the story of the great fall. The bible recounts how Adam and Eve hid themselves from God after they ate the forbidden fruit. They realised they were naked and covered themselves with fig leaves. After they owned up to their sin, God made and gave them proper garments made from skin that could provide warmth and better covering than leaves that will dry up. The fig leaves clothes represent self-effort while the garment of skin was divine help. Isn’t divine help all we need? I started writing this blog to share my experiences and how God has walked me through challenging times to encourage anyone who might be going through as well. It’s the story of my journey to WHOLENESS AND RESTORATION. I dare to bare it all without holding back. I dare to share my weaknesses and how God has exchanged my fig leaves clothing with His Garment "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God". Like a friend said "if you've never experienced bereavement, you can never find the right words to console someone who's been bereaved". I don't believe in glossing over my challenges but boldly share my fears and how God built my faith in the process. Even the strongest of us all sometimes struggle but in all we are more than conquerors. I choose to be real! God deliberately included the stories of mighty men in the bible and their moments of vulnerabilities to inspire and encourage us. If we don’t share our story, how would the world believe our testimony? I read with much respect the personal account of a popular woman of God who suffered depression and how she dared to share with the church. In sharing with the church, her burden was lifted because she got support from the best possible place. "Is anyone among you sick? Let them call the elders of the church to pray over them and anoint them with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned, they will be forgiven" James 5:14-15. If my journey to wholeness will help another person out there still struggling, then I will bare more. In the words of Greg Laurie “God uses our pain to achieve much”. Therefore don’t waste your pain! Being naked with my struggles shows faith in God’s ability to heal and restore a life that was once broken….and that my friend takes COURAGE. Moreover it’s not about me, ITS ABOUT HIM

......and I CRIED

"Sister Gladys, I’d like to see you later please", the pastor's wife said. "Chei! What have I done or haven't done this time?, I exclaimed to no one in particular in the almost empty church auditorium . "Finally", I continued as I drove for my appointment with the Pastor's wife. "Sister Carol has had enough of my constant "harassment" over her height issue that she has reported me. You see, I love sister carol but she is pint size compared to my gigantic frame. So I've made it a personal honour to plead her case with the lord and "bully" her to achieve my goal! I'm tired of talking with her from my vantage tall position and it’s even more awkward when I wear heels (what is my crime in wanting the best for a sister in the lord?). After I'd settled in the church office and exchanged the usual pleasantries with my rather shy but amiable pastor's wife, the matter was worse than I envisaged. "Sister G", she said. "The lord wants you to FORGIVE your baby's dad and forgive yourself”. That came as a shock because she was not privy to my dramatic past. Moreover, I had forgiven my son's dad, hadn't I? I'd done the "religious act" of forgiving but deep down I was hurting and bitter. I was hurting that he'd treated me shabbily and tossed me out like trash to cater for "our baby" alone. Moreover, I thought moving on and starting a new life was all it took to address the past and heal my wounds. I've realised it’s never that simple. You see, healing is a process and not an act of magic. You don’t just wave a magic wand to make a pain disappear or a wound to heal up. It is a process that requires conscious effort. The process is always painful but necessary for proper healing to occur. Remember iodine? It is a solution used to disinfect bruises or wound and accelerate healing. It stings and even the brave may cry but it does what it says on the bottle. After, I survived an accident in which I lost three fingers on my right hand; I thought the doctors were a mean bunch anytime they came to change my dressings. removing the blood soaked bandage would hurt even before the actual cleaning and dressing would start. It was never the doctor's intention to hurt but to heal.....however they inadvertently hurt me in the process. Today, I'm grateful for the hurt as they were able to save my hand if not all my fingers. So with God. He desires a thorough spiritual surgical removal of bitterness and forgiveness for proper restoration and healing to occur. God wants to restore man to WHOLENESS. However, it does not mean there won’t be scars! After the Holy Spirit revealed the true nature of my heart, I STARTED TO CRY. I cried for the little girl that struggled all her life to be accepted and be acknowledged. I cried for the teenage girl that craved acceptance in the arms of different men but was only left with a hollow feeling in her heart. I cried for the woman who thought a career and financial independence were the -only seal of approval she needed. I cried for the mother who had to struggle to love her child because in his eyes she saw his father. In the little boy's brokenness she saw a reflection of past failures returning to hunt her. I cried because in that moment, the spirit that searches the heart showed me the truth. I’d been leaving a lie and going through the motions of Christianity without truly living the TRUTH. I cried for the lost years and opportunities lost but best of all I cried because of the future. I cried because the festering wound of the past was finally being treated properly and not covered or wished away. Delving into the past hurt but that is the first step to healing. Forgiving hurts but it’s a necessary process for healing. That day, I cried not about the past but in excitement about the future and the second chance it held out. The journey to wholeness was finally set in motion.

A MOTHER'S DILEMMA

"Dinaaah", Leah called out. "Where is that lazy little missy? she asked the servant sweeping the courtyard. "She's gone visiting the women of the land", the servant girl answered. "This girl will not bring the death of me", Leah said and went back into the house. It was a bright, sunny day and the heat was in its element. Leah had all sorts of plans laid out for the day. The boys’ clothes needed mending and there was lunch to prepare. It’s not easy running a house full of boys; she could barely catch up with their huge appetite not with their constantly changing and diverse needs. Pheew! She muttered as she wondered what she could drum up for them that would not start a quarrel! She really was not in the mood and the heat was not helping matters. Suddenly, Leah heard a commotion outside. Out of curiosity, she looked out of the window and almost fainted. She drew her robe around her and ran outside. It was Dinah being carried in by the servants. Her worst fears were confirmed! Her daughter was dead! With her heart in her mouth she moved closer to the servants who were clustered round the still figure of her daughter. The servants cleared a path for her as she drew closer. "What happened to my baby", she wailed. At the sound of her mother's voice, the still figure on the ground moved and opened her arms for the comfort that only a mother could provide. With tears in her eyes, Leah hugged her baby as the young girl cried like her heart was broken. Indeed her heart was broken. She'd been violated! Raped! Leah pulled Dinah into her arms praying the pain away, wanting her daughter's pain to be HER PAIN. She wanted to be the one who's was violated. She could bear the pain but Dinah was her little girl too young for life's pain or any pain. Without a word, she led the broken girl into the house and gently stripped off the blood stained clothes from her body. The water cleaned her body but it could not wash the damage that had been done to her little girl. Leah gently led Dinah into her room, wrapped her in a blanket and tried to warm a young heart that had gone cold. "Lord, where did I go wrong? leah wondered. She'd suffered all her life. Ridiculed for her "weak eyes" while growing up and unloved by her husband...not to mention having to share the said man with her sister. She'd done her best to protect her kids now this! What would people say? "God why? “Mummy I'm sorry", Dinah whispered and started to cry again. "It’s ok, my darling", Leah reassured her. But she had her fears. "Hush little baby, don’t you cry," she sang. "mamma's gonna buy you a mocking bird, and if the mocking bird wont sing, mamma's gonna buy you a diamond ring". She continued singing until she heard the quiet but husky breathing of her little girl gone to sleep. This "assumed scenario" in Genesis 34 played out in my mind as I watched Joshua play with the toys in the Doctor's surgery. I'd noticed something was wrong when he was less than a year and I'd shared my concerns to my GP who referred us to the children's hospital. This visit was a confirmation of my fears-A MOTHER'S NIGHTMARE. Every parent desires the best for their children and worry when something goes wrong or a child does not grow as expected. The initial feeling is SELF BLAME and the questions start to roll. Where did I go wrong? What have I done to deserve this? Could it be something in my Past? Then ANGER, BITTERNESS,DISAPPOINTMENT, REGRETS,SHAME SELF PITY AND RECRIMATIONS, DEPRESSION etc. Can you understand the pain of being ashammed of your own child and disappointed? I felt all that and more. In all I have learnt it was not my fault neither are the challenges you face your fault. Sometimes this thing happen that we might NEED GOD AND LEAN ON HIM. Even if it was your fault, all the more reason to NEED HIM like I do now more than ever. It’s been a challenge with Joshua but it’s a good challenge (I wouldn't exchange the experience for the world). I sometimes worry when I'm not with him and hope other kids don’t take advantage of Him. These concerns are normal but since I'm not OMNIPRESENT or OMNISCIENT, I gladly hand over the situation to one who IS-PROBLEM SOLVED. Leah could not control the actions of her sons when they heard about what happened to their sister but she could ease the pain of her baby girl. I have learnt in the process that the best thing I can do for my baby is to leave him In God's hands and not worry my head off. Worry never changes the situation but GOD CAN. He is FAITHFUL TO HIS WORDS. I daily bless Joshua with the word and declare God's promises upon His life. I lay claim to Healing scriptures because it’s MEDICINE TO OUR FLESH “For they are life to those who find them, and healing to all their flesh”. Proverbs 4:22 I have also let go of the VICTIM'S MENTALITY AND EMBRACED THE VICTOR'S ATTITUDE because I know “that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose”. Rom 8:28.

Journey to a healthier me

I woke up this morning feeling *frisky*(it’s that feeling you feel when...you know what I mean...and Yes! I still have those feelings-I'm human albeit one abstaining from SEX b4 marriage). So I decided to soak this hungry body in a luxurious bath complete with candles. After setting the perfect scene, I got into the strawberry scented bath and bring on heaven! Haaaaa! However, before I could enjoy my much anticipated gratifying soak, I faced two problems. 1. I could barely fit in the tub. 2. There was absolutely nothing sexy or flattering about my folds floating above the water! Seriously. That brief experience dashed my dreams of having a scintillating bath and flushed that sexy feeling right out of my head. I REALLY NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT. My excess weight is not only cramping my style but crushing my libido and crashing the fantasy of a SEXY ME. I'd started a journey to a better me last year but my effort went down the drain because I was not serious enough. I completely lost the plot during my visit to Nigeria (I just could not resist my sister-in-law's cooking). Beyond the urgent need to be SEXY again or more importantly fit in my bath tub, I need to lose weight because of my health. I went for a medical examination yesterday and the result was ALARMING. The results showed that I NEEDED to drop a WHOPPING 60kg!!! So right now I'm logging two of me around. I realised my organs were created to carry a single me so the other half is definitely EXCESS LUGGAGE. Today, I have decided to start another journey and this time with the element of COMMITMENT AND SELF RESTRAINT-commitment to my weight loss goals and self-restraint from indulging in every food that catches my fancy. Joel Osteen in a sermon titled "SAY NO TO YOUR FEELINGS" made a cogent point that caught my attention. He said "you can’t follow your flesh and expect victory". Romans 8:8 "Those who are in the realm of the flesh cannot please God".

The truth is you can’t live a victorious healthy spiritual and physical life if you don’t exercise SELF RESTRAINT and be committed to your goals. Jesus achieved his success because he was committed to the vision of reconciling man back to God if not he should have given up and made a dash for his dear life when the first flesh ripping lash landed on his back(I know I would have and would not even look back. Lol) but he was committed that's why he bore the shame and indignity of the cross for you and I. Exercising self-restraint by sticking to a healthy diet and giving up on junk food is really going to be PAINFUL but the end result is so gonna be worth it. For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.2 Cor 4:17. So I'm setting aside scriptures to encourage myself on this new journey and enlisting the support of a dear friend (I need an accountable partner with the help of THE HOLY SPIRIT). If Jesus could suffer that brutal beating for the joy of a better glory that was set before him, then I can endure eating less junk and exercising more. Bring on the TREADMILL *SOB*SOB*SOB*....nobody said it’s not gonnna be painful *sob*

A NEW WAY, A BETTER WAY.

"Let me just give him a gentle wack on the bum", I argued with the Holy Spirit. "nothing too painful, just enough to get him to behave", I persisted while trying to quickly place my fresh laundry into the hot press so I could fulfil that pressing need to give Joshua a smacking that he'll not forget in a hurry. In my quest to get that piece of work done quickly, I almost toppled down my mini ladder. "Oh gosh", I muttered while trying to maintain a proper balance without falling off and breaking my neck. "You better take it easy and not hurt yourself", that still gentle voice said. "Go down stairs and find out what the fuss is all about but don't smack him". "Ok", I conceded and stumped not too gently down the stairs so the Holy Spirit would know how I felt about not giving Josh some good old "smakaroo". I felt cheated off a good old fashion smacking after all the bible said "He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly" Proverbs 13:14. I felt the Holy Spirit was denying me the Justice I so wanted to lash out by screaming my lungs out. I'd given him his favourite meal right after school, played with him before going up to do my chores, so what could be the problem? After ruling out all other possibilities that I could draw up in my head, I felt a good old fashioned discipline was well deserved. On getting into the living room, I gently asked him what the matter was instead of shouting which would have been my initial response to his tantrums. I felt stupid doing the coey doey stuff because that's not me. I DO SHOUT AND I DO IT WELL...but not today. I'd decided to try a different way by obeying the Holy Spirit and it turned out to be a better way. Josh calmed down faster with my gentle words and hugs. It is not always easy adjusting to new things. There is that awkward moments of fitting in especially when you've mastered the old. For instance starting out on a diet leaves one painfully hungry(or maybe its only me cos i'm even more hungry now than ever). I remember how it felt driving my friend's new car when mine was broken. It was awkward initially until I mastered the new features and driving became "easy peasy", much better than my old banger (now I hate my car...*sob*sob*sob*) Peter had a similar experience. Imagine Jesus, the son of a carpenter telling Peter who had a Masters in Fisheries to launch out into the deep to catch fish! What audacity! Peter had been toiling all night! He'd tossed his net to the north, west, east and south of the sea and had caught nothing. After his initial protest, he gave into Jesus's request and got a MIND BLOWING TESTIMONY. The difference between his first attempt and the second was OBEDIENCE TO THE WORD. Instead of rebellion, he chose the better way-OBEDIENCE. He wouldn't have got that terrific result if Jesus was not in the boat with him. The old way is full of frustration, emptiness, pain, loss even death. However in Christ there is A NEW WAY, A BETTER WAY that leads to life. It's not always easy but so worth it. I don't shout at Josh anymore and the result is beautiful. I'm enjoying a better and healthier relationship with my boy. P.S my wrinkles have also reduced.

Celebrate what?

It was *Nonye's* birthday and we were determined to paint the town red. Surprisingly, the five ladies crammed into the car were all single mums. As Nonye jokingly said "Ireland is a haven for single mums" and we all laughingly agreed but that is an issue for another day. I don't get to go out much often so was determined to milk this night for all it was worth(the venue for the night's escapade yet unknown as Nonye was keeping it as a closely guarded secret-her way of heightening the suspence and thrill of the day). As the car angled slowly to Drogheda I noticed a slight frown on the celebrant's face. "What is the matter", I asked through the din of the other ladies conversation and burst of sporadic laughter. "My dad called me today to wish me a happy birthday", she answered. "So", I said. "After the usual plesantries, he told me to go ahead and celebrate if there is anything worth celebrating. I find that statement kind of strange and upsetting" she continued with a glimmer of tears in her eyes. "hmmmm", I mused for a while. Nonye was a single mum and has lived abroad for 10 years without the requisite resident permit. Thirty years old, no husband in sight, unemployed and with tightened immigration policies, her situation looked dismal from any onlookers perspective. "your father meant no harm", I told her. "even the bible says "teach us to number our days,That we may gain a heart of wisdom. Psalm 90:12). " Its his way of telling you to review your life. so pucker up gal", I adviced and gently punched her in the sides.

As I celebrate my birthday, I reminisce on that night five years. Why do I celebrate? I'm a single mum with a disability, unemployed,etc.So what is there to celebrate? I came into Ireland years ago a broken, sad, lonely pregnant woman. All my life's dream and aspiration had crashed around me. A friend once said "it was a relationship that ended not my life" but for me that rejection tipped me over the edge. I'd been through a lot of abuse growing up, my fragile emotions had taken its fair share of bashing and couldn't take anymore. I forgot how to smile and couldnt find joy in my child. I even lost my sense of humour and forgot how to be sexy(a whole Don Mama G became a recluse, an unsexy one at that) The challenges of life became too much but I was too much of a coward to end it all or rather something deep within me knew my little boy needed his mummy and that thought kept me going. Waking up and going through the motion of living became the order of my life. I was no longer living but EXISTING until JESUS FOUND AND RESCUED ME.....AGAIN. Since then, its been a slow recovery process-leaning and trusting the lord every step of the way....like a recovering alcoholic, there's no rushing the detox. I've got my self confidence back and I'm proud of how far I've come. I may not have the "usual trappings" neither do I lack basic necessities. Along the way, I've equipped myself with skills to make a difference to my generation so I am not lazy. The future is beautiful and no longer bleak-I SEE CLEARLY. I know my worth! The bible says I'm Priceless. So what do I celebrate? EVERYTHING! RENEWED HOPE AND A FUTURE ENGRAVED IN CHRIST. No man can take that from me. I wrote on my Facebook profile that I found my very first grey hair this morning but I wasn't bothered. I call it my WISDOM HAIR as I have officially joined THE EXTRAORDINARY LEAGUE OF WISE PEOPLE. I am so blessed by your good will greetings and love. DHL has never been this innaundated with parcels before(by faith) but keep it coming till Dec 31st 2013 i'll still be collecting gifts-real estate inclusive. Monetary gifts accepted Euros, pounds , dollars even naira(but in millions. explain to EFFCC that its a gift and not money laundering!!). With this level of love, guess its time to contest election both in Nigeria and Ireland. Love y'all

Little distractions

"Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God" Hebrews 12:2 "Josh, we are home", I called out as the train pulled into the station. I struggled with my shopping bags while managing to pull Joshua out of the train at the same time. Something wasn't right I thought as I alighted but I couldn’t put my finger to it. I quickly looked around me. I had sat in the last coach so it took a moment to walk to the station building. "Something is definitely wrong I muttered to myself and hurried towards the next available coach. Everything looked as it ought to until I got closer to the station building "What station is this? I asked the traffic controller who was right in front me. "Kildare, what stop are you going to? He asked. "Athy, I answered, quickly jumping back into the train with Josh and my plenty bags. I had gotten off at the wrong stop! I've been taking the Waterford train for the past seven years and consider myself King of the route but today I found myself missing the way. All it took was a simple distraction. I'd been watching a video on my phone and enjoying some good old mother-son bonding time with Joshua that I'd not noted the stations as the train zoomed on. When the train pulled into Kildare, I just assumed it was my expected destination and jumped out into the cold with Joshua. Thank God the train pulled into Kildare station ahead of schedule and had to wait a while if not I would have been stranded and made to wait for the next Waterford bound train which was an hour away. An hour wait isn't too bad you may think but at that time I had a very hungry little boy who couldn't wait to get home to dinner and prayer meeting to get to. Being stranded with a hungry boy wasn't part of my plans for the day. Everything was hey ok until the seemingly harmless on board entertainment became an unwelcome distraction. Lesson Learnt! It takes a simple distraction to lose the plot in 2013.

Even the most carefully laid plans and resolutions can go up in flames if not well adhered to. Sometimes the distractions we allow are harmless enough but the consequences dire. You cheat on a diet once or twice and believe me its hard to get back on track. I've purposed not to be slothful or presumptuous this year. It’s not going to be easy but I'm ready to go the whole nine yards. I'm determined to MAKE IT. Next time I'll leave the entertainment for later and concentrate on the journey. Ecclesiastes 3:1 there is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens. I was lucky to get back on the train but on some of life's issue it might not be that simple. So take heed this 2013. FOCUS IS THE KEY. KEEP TO THE GOAL. WE ARE GOING TO MAKE IT Picture curtesy www.zdnet.com

A New Beginning

Hurray 2013 is here!! It seemed far away but finally it is here. This is despite the rumours of the world coming to an end in 2012 (no thanks to that epic disaster movie aptly titled 2012, a film about the world coming to an end at that particular year! Thank God it didn't end because poor me did not have any food in storage ahead of the "anticipated" volcanic eruption, ice age, flooding, earthquake, alien invasion etc. hmmm, I'm sure hunger would have gotten me first before the disasters or aliens, serious! Note to self: stock the house with ENOUGH GRUB before the next probable apocalypse or alien invasion whichever comes first).Thankfully, against the odds we survived yet again. It is something to celebrate. Experiencing the first day of a new year is so exciting as it means YOU ARE ALIVE. Alive to what? Alive to HOPE, alive to NEWNESS, alive to OPPORTUNITIES. It’s not a time to mull over past mistakes and opportunities missed but a time for a fresh start, a new beginning.Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, Phil 3:15 There is something fascinating about new things. The fresh smell that accompanies a freshly purchased product, the tear-rubber feeling of a new car and the smell of new leather, no old musty or rusty smell, nothing but FRESHNESS. I LOVE NEW! That is what 2013 represents - fresh page to make happen whatsoever you desire and dream of. In Gen 1, God was presented with a blank canvas to work on. He could have left it blank but He chose to create the world and everything therein. He also had the prerogative to create anything anyhow but he had a plan, a plan he followed meticulously for six days before He rested on the seventh day. I also observed that God did not overstretch Himself but did as much work as could each day. He also made a point to commend Himself and His creation at the end of each day.Then God saw everything that He had made, and indeed it was very good. Gen 1:31 . In 2013, I've decided to follow heaven's strategy of creation, to make happen my desires and not leave my life to chance. There is a saying that "IF YOU FAIL TO PLAN, YOU PLAN TO FAIL". I don’t want that to be my story for 2013. A lot of people including me experienced pain, tragedy, disappointment, betrayal, stagnancy, loss etc. in 2012 but that is yesterday today is a brand new day. Don't let the pain of yesterday ruin your today and the opportunities it brings. LET GO AND LET GOD. Instead of allowing Chaos to continue to reign in our lives just at it did in the beginning of the world before God took charge, this is the time to TAKE CONTROL, BE CREATIVE, EMBRACE THE NEW. I'm grateful for 2012 but expectant in 2013. Let's scale new heights together, it’s a brand new year. Lets live and not simply exist this year. WELCOME TO 2013. HAPPY NEW YEAR.