Accidental Single Mum

So I heard this girl on the bus ranting about how Nigerian girls have imbibed so much of Western culture that single motherhood is now an accepted way of life. She was obviously from Nigeria as I could recognise that heavy Edo accent anywhere. I didn't mind her venting her opinion but her voice was so loud that other people in the bus were turning to see who this "public speaker" was. Her partner became embarrassed as I noticed the gentle nudge he gave her to lower her voice. But there was no getting her to lower her voice or even shush. I wonder who or what had her riled up! From her one sided conversation I guessed she wasn't a mother or a single mother at that-good for her!. More so everyone is entitled to their opinion including my opinionated unknown and unappreciated co passenger.

The issue of single parenthood is still very much controversial in developing countries including Nigeria. A woman with a child and no obvious wedding ring on her finger still gets the occasional odd stare from strangers, family members inclusive. I remember back in the Eighties, a girl who comes home to tell her parent she's been knocked up gets the beating of her life. Some were forced into marriages they were not ready for or even made to terminate the "unwanted pregnancy". However, these scenarios are not unlike what was obtainable in developed countries such as Britain and parts of Europe as well. Some of these "unfortunate women were put away for their "own good" and the babies given away most times never to be seen again. "Everyone" comes out smiling and the family image salvaged. For most of these "unfortunate" girls, the men are nowhere to be found. Most bail out on the pregnant girls leaving them to fend for the fruit of their love "alone". As far as I know, most women don't want to be single parents at least speaking from the perspective of an unmarried mother. Being a single mother is hard work. "Five of you will chase a hundred, a hundred of you will chase ten thousand, and your enemies will fall by the sword before you. Leviticus 26:8.. The bible celebrates team work and its benefits. It is easier for two to arrive at success and its less tedious compared to one person doing all the work. We all want the trappings of marriage at least I did and still do. Even most married couples who eventually break up never envisaged single parenting at the start of the relationship. Sometimes in life we find ourselves in circumstances we never expected so we learn to make lemonade from lemons. The lady that washed the feet of Jesus may have been an accidental prostitute but Jesus was not concerned with how she found herself in that condition, he was more pleased that she was right at his feet seeking a better path. The Pharisee in whose house the events took place on the other hand was unforgiving and self-righteous. I love Jesus's response to the Pharisee’s attitude. "Therefore I say to you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much. But to whom little is forgiven, the same loves little " Many of us are like that - self-righteous and unforgiving also quick to judge. In being so right like the Pharisee, we have become SO WRONG. So my dear young lady, be slow to judge since you may not be privy to the whole story that may have led an enterprising young lady into becoming a single mother. I believe any woman that chooses to give life to an unwanted pregnancy should be encouraged not vilified. This is not in any way supporting pre-marital sex but two wrongs never make a right. I'm pro-life anytime. Learn to love, empathise don't judge....IT COULD HAVE BEEN YOU.

photo curtesy www.lavistachurchofchrist.org www.topnews.in

I want MORE

Most of the time, I'm a good and well behaved sister . I don't look for trouble and try to stir clear off trouble makers. The major reason is despite my *Herculean looks, Jackie Chan stance and bad ass kung Fu moves*, I'm all mouth and no action! Seriously, I've got the moves in my head but can't seem to translate them into action! But right now I'm protesting! You see, I was driving to church and saw my neighbour washing the wife's car. So what? You may ask. He was washing the car in the blistering cold that's why! Any man can wash the partner's car but only a true lover would stand in the cold and wash the partner's car for the simple reason that he doesn't want her "tarnishing" the family image by driving around in a dirty car. My neighbour’s wife and I had met at the car wash yesterday but we both couldn’t wait because of the long queue. It seemed the whole Athy had turned up at this particular car wash to have their vehicles valeted in time for Christmas. So we left the valet place with extremely dirty cars and planned to return early Monday morning so as to beat the rush. Sadly but without a choice, I returned home. My car is so dirty you would assume I'd been in a mud race! I've been driving the car with a cap almost hiding my face-don't want anyone noticing me in the car that is screaming "if you love me, kindly wash me".

*sigh* so imagine my green eyed feeling when I sighted my neighbour's husband washing her car. I wish I had someone to wash my car especially in the blistering cold. I've been single and very content for the past 6 years. In fact, I've practically evolved into a she-man. I do miss not being in a relationship but I don't allow that to cloud my day or rub me off enjoying life. Most of my friends are happily married and I sometimes crave the companionship that a wholesome relationship gives. I of all people know that there is only so much a single mother can do without much assistance. The work and challenges meant for two people being handled by one....but in all GOD HAS BEEN FAITHFUL. Christmas and its attending festivities have also heightened my desire to be married. Everywhere I turn, you see families and couples buying gifts and exchanging secret smiles and kisses. Indeed, It’s a season to love and be loved after all Christmas is about FAMILY (if I feel this way at Christmas, let’s not even mention Valentine’s Day. Well, I've decided not worry about that because it’s in the future and God is in control of the future."Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." Mathew 6:34 . Now you understand why I'm protesting. This afternoon I discovered its ok to protest and crave for more. Wikipedia, the online dictionary describes a protest as " an expression of objection, by words or by actions, to particular events, policies or situations. Jacob carried out some sort of protest in the bible. Gen 32 recounts the story of how he wrestled with an angel on his way to Canaan. After an all-night battle, as the angel wanted to leave, Jacob protested not minding the serious injury that had been inflicted on him "Then the man said, "Let me go, for the dawn is breaking!" But Jacob said, "I will not let you go unless you bless me." Gen 32:26. Jacob realised his material wealth and possession were nothing without the blessings of God. He got tired of the struggles and deceit hence he craved more. That's not a bad thing is it? Right now, I’m tired of doing it alone (sleeping alone, planning alone etc.) so I’ve embarked on my own form of protest to challenge my single status. I don't have a placard but I've got my dirty car so I hereby declare that "I will not wash my car until I marry". If a protest was good enough for Jacob then it’s good enough for me!