Monday, 24 December 2012

Accidental Single Mum

So I heard this girl on the bus ranting about how Nigerian girls have imbibed so much of Western culture that single motherhood is now an accepted way of life. She was obviously from Nigeria as I could recognise that heavy Edo accent anywhere. I didn't mind her venting her opinion but her voice was so loud that other people in the bus were turning to see who this "public speaker" was. Her partner became embarrassed as I noticed the gentle nudge he gave her to lower her voice. But there was no getting her to lower her voice or even shush. I wonder who or what had her riled up! From her one sided conversation I guessed she wasn't a mother or a single mother at that-good for her!. More so everyone is entitled to their opinion including my opinionated unknown and unappreciated co passenger.
The issue of single parenthood is still very much controversial in developing countries including Nigeria. A woman with a child and no obvious wedding ring on her finger still gets the occasional odd stare from strangers, family members inclusive. I remember back in the Eighties, a girl who comes home to tell her parent she's been knocked up gets the beating of her life. Some were forced into marriages they were not ready for or even made to terminate the "unwanted pregnancy". However, these scenarios are not unlike what was obtainable in developed countries such as Britain and parts of Europe as well. Some of these "unfortunate women were put away for their "own good" and the babies given away most times never to be seen again. "Everyone" comes out smiling and the family image salvaged. For most of these "unfortunate" girls, the men are nowhere to be found. Most bail out on the pregnant girls leaving them to fend for the fruit of their love "alone". As far as I know, most women don't want to be single parents at least speaking from the perspective of an unmarried mother. Being a single mother is hard work. "Five of you will chase a hundred, a hundred of you will chase ten thousand, and your enemies will fall by the sword before you. Leviticus 26:8.. The bible celebrates team work and its benefits. It is easier for two to arrive at success and its less tedious compared to one person doing all the work. We all want the trappings of marriage at least I did and still do. Even most married couples who eventually break up never envisaged single parenting at the start of the relationship. Sometimes in life we find ourselves in circumstances we never expected so we learn to make lemonade from lemons. The lady that washed the feet of Jesus may have been an accidental prostitute but Jesus was not concerned with how she found herself in that condition, he was more pleased that she was right at his feet seeking a better path. The Pharisee in whose house the events took place on the other hand was unforgiving and self-righteous. I love Jesus's response to the Pharisee’s attitude. "Therefore I say to you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much. But to whom little is forgiven, the same loves little " Many of us are like that - self-righteous and unforgiving also quick to judge. In being so right like the Pharisee, we have become SO WRONG. So my dear young lady, be slow to judge since you may not be privy to the whole story that may have led an enterprising young lady into becoming a single mother. I believe any woman that chooses to give life to an unwanted pregnancy should be encouraged not vilified. This is not in any way supporting pre-marital sex but two wrongs never make a right. I'm pro-life anytime. Learn to love, empathise don't judge....IT COULD HAVE BEEN YOU.
photo curtesy

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