Wednesday, 5 December 2012
Happy new month all. 2012 has been a fantastic year for me and I'm so appreciative. It has not been entirely drama free but in the midst of all my challenges, I've learnt a lot. I have discovered more of my weaknesses, some behaviours and attitudes that I never imagined were dormant in me or that I had at all. Above all, I have discovered how strong I really am. Seriously, you never know who you really are untill you are faced with a never before experienced challenge. Most importantly, my challenges never overwhelmed me even when I faltered emotionally, I always come out smiling having learnt a lesson or two from the situation. I'm learning to deal with my anger issues. Yep, anger and bitterness over my past. It's so easy telling one to let go of the past but when underlying issues are not properly addressed, they would eventually fester and affect the future causing more damage. So I am addressing those festering wounds while looking forward to the future. I've also learnt that if I want to trully enjoy that glorious future that is mine, there is the urgent need to carefully and dilligently deal with these matters once and for all."Do not remember the former things,nor consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing, Now it shall spring forth;Shall you not know it? " Isaiah 43:18-19. For God to work his will perfectly in a person's life there must be that sincere acknowledgement of one's weakness and the need for His strength and help. On this journey of healing and transformation, the lord has been my strength and guide. I've learnt to lean and depend on Him constantly.When I find myself digging into that "bag of gaggage" which contains basically crap and lies that the enemy made me believe and carry over the years, I exchange them with the truth of God's words. It works all the time. (never even realised I was still carrying them around!) For instance when I'm feeling low, I just tell myself over and over that "the joy of the lord is my strength". I choose God's words over the devil's. Negative words inflict wounds while the word of God soothes and heals. No wonder I was constantly overwhelmed as a negative attitude is comparable with a dark cloud that broods nothing but storm and bad weather. "Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us" Heb 12:1 Its been a slow but eventful journey. I'd expected to be "all that" but worried that I was not "all that". Dreams and aspirations seemingly not happening yet. In it all I'm Grateful. some of the reasons for my initial discontent was a result of comparing myself with other people whom I felt were doing better than me or were doing what I desired. Until I learnt to appreciate who I am as an individual and where I am, I was never happy. Moreover, the bible says "he that compares himself to another is FOOL" and nobody wants to be called a fool. So I gave myself a much needed nudge in the butt . Like a recovering alcholic, I'm taking little baby steps, not worrying but "running the race that is set before ME) not running another person's race as that only leads to fustration and eventual depression. Until I changed my perspective I was stuck in an emotional rot. I am learning to be CONTENT in all things not LETHAGIC but content and daily appreciating God for the gift of life. As I do these, life has become easier and less stressful because I've learnt to trust "The owner of Life". I remind myself its not so much the destination as much as the beauty of the journey. My life is an unfolding story and I'm learning to enjoy the narration. Its not fast paced as it used to be neither is it boring. The tempo is much different and I'm evolving into the beatiful, confident woman that I'm so grateful for. Despite my challenges- josh's diagnoses, my unemployement etc-I'm leaning more and more on God instead of whinning and complaing even crying but trusting God all the way. After all He started all this....so I'll give Him DRAMA trust me! lol. But its not all bad, Infact its not bad at all rather everything is LOOKING UP and what a PICTURE its turning out to be.