Thursday, 14 February 2013
Transformed by LOVE.
I loved horror movies!!! The gorier the better! I remember laughing through The Blair witch project when it was released. My friends on the other hand were scared shitless and screamed all through the movie. It was simply hilarious! Can't remember which was funnier? My friends or the movie that was tagged the scariest at the time. It was just a movie not reality....silly! I was never really a fan of the action movies so could never sit through a film by Rambo, Steven Seagal or all other macho type men but bring on Zombie the flesh eater, evil dead 1&2 etc. These were my favourites for some unfathomable reasons not some silly romantic films. I despised girl flicks. They were pointless and plain unbelievable. Who writes or believes this crap? Love was a MYTH. My disdain for love stemmed from a childhood that was starved off love. I never experienced the hugs, kisses, or gentle words that are some of the expressions of love. My parents weren’t overt love people, they weren't built that way. I recall with laughter the first time, I gave my father a christmas card; he brushed it off with a shrug and a gruff thank you. I knew my gesture embarrassed him....outward expression of love still embarrasses him. So I conditioned myself not to FEEL. More so, I transferred my warped childhood experience of love into my relationship with God and men-expecting nothing but rebuffs, criticism and judgement. But somewhere deep inside, the little girl in me loved Mills& Boons-romantic novels that celebrated happily ever after. It was a deep set hunger that my subconscious desired to be with filled but never found. I envied friends whose family basked in display of affections. So watching horror movies and showing indifferece was a facade I built to deceive the outside world and unfortunately myself. Over time, I became conditioned by events and circumstances until JOSHUA CAME ALONG. I must confess nothing prepared me for motherhood- not the ante-natal classes or the nine long months of waiting for the delivery my son. I never experienced the sudden rush of love that every mother talks about when handed their new babies. Ours was a relationship and bond that grew with time. With Joshua I have learnt to love and be loved in return. Love can be spontaneous but the spark can be quenched if not kindled daily. It requires daily commitment to remain in love no matter the circumstances. Who knew a special little boy could break the reserves of my lacklustre heart and turn this horror movie loving woman into a mushy little girl. Dearest Josh, in the six years you've come into my life, I've learnt what it means to forgive and be forgiven. I'm not ashamed or afraid to publicly display my affection for you with a hug and a kiss. Only you could teach me that love is not a feeling but commitment and It is hard work albeit an enjoyable one. I have learnt to be protective, selfless, share, patient, tolerant and humble enough to say sorry when I’m wrong though I’m older and could always claim to be right. Through you, God has transformed this cold heart of stone into a warm heart of flesh. Now I know how the Disney character in BEAUTY AND THE BEAST was transformed by love into a dashing prince through the power of LOVE. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 Above all, I have learnt to experience God in a new way through the eyes of another human. When you look at me, you don't see imperfections but LOVE wrapped in the finished work of grace and I've come to see myself that way too. Finally, I can no longer stand horror movies. I tried watching "The hills have eyes" the other day but could not look beyond the trailer. Thanks for helping me grow into a better person. P.S. To celebrate Valentine's day, I'm not cooking dinner but would order Chinese take-away. I'm not in the mood for any culinary adventure after my disastrous stint in the kitchen trying to make pancakes. however will be trying out that recipe I found on spicebaby.com for SPINACH IN AN OMELETTE...YUMMY. http://www.spicebaby.com/combos/spinach-in-an-omelette-mix-up-your-egg-recipe.html#&panel1-1