Friday, 22 November 2013


I had a friend back in secondary school and she had to be the most "foul mouthed" person I'd ever met. During one of her many fights with the boys in our class, she told her sparring partner that "it would have been better if the boy had come out as his mother's monthly menstrual flow instead of him defiling the environment with his face". The poor boy was a mental wreck that day and never got into any verbal exchange with my lovely friend and so did the boys in the class-they all avoided the undisputed foul mouthed fiend like a plague. Ironically, the lady in question was a beautiful lady. On a normal day, you would never imagine she could hurt a fly but appearance indeed could be deceptive. Her words cut like a knife and she was never afraid to use them at will-a sharp mouth wench she was. I dare say given the chance she could stir nations to war with her tongue. If she could send able bodied boys running for cover with mere words imagine what would happen if her words were gentle and warm? Words are powerful. Proverbs 18:21 “Death and life are in the power of the tongue and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof”. It is a beautiful experience when you meet people that use words to build up, encourage and entertain. It’s the second in the series of the PHAT DIARIES BY VICTORIA AGHUNOPUA OTONO one thing about village girls that just never seizes to amaze me, their responses to strangers when they say hello. na wa ooo chei, its either the hello is returned with an uncontrollable laughter or a fight hahahah e.g what is it na! is it by force kwa! lemme o! lemme me! hahahahah. one major characteristics of black eye pencil in the village is its versatility i mean the black lips, thick and haphazardly drawn eye brow that looks like the devil just had a makeover ( abeg bros D i no sey na jeje u sit don, na jez example i dey sight hahah) and the by force beauty spots, well spotted that even the flying bird will recognize it. Any way all the hot village champions clap for ya sef una too much. hmmm my pipo sey "one good turn deserves another" but is it all good that is paid with good? what came between the old man and young man 2years later? hmmm the clash of the titan and the gods, here comes iheoma the Helen of ugbuefi kingdom. hmmmmm! it was an unusual day at the stream, it seemed like people were not interested in having their usual play with nature. Relax, that was what is looked like from afar. As iheoma, the shining diamond, the purity of the river and the eyes of gods approached in her royal cuteness, children ran out from the stream to hug her. she was exceptional, she possessed a voice that calmed Amadioha whenever he wanted to strike, a voice that brought Sango the god of thunder to ugbuefi land to cool his anger, the voice that brought Yemoja out of the sea to pick shells. iheoma was the voice Munaego the goddess of wealth and the most beautiful woman that lived. she was a shadow.(hmmm, i painted a picture of a beautiful shadow, an impossible reflection my imagination created! yes, Munaego can only be seen amongst shadows). here comes the big BUT iheoma lived with a curse that revealed that, she must never marry the man that she loved, she will have kids, she will struggle, she will help people but she won't live long. who wants to know how Munaego became a shadow? Any way, the story of iheoma is my favorite bedtime story hahahahhahha, auchh!! telling you that story will be a little distraction from my PHAT DAIRIES. "abeg commot for road, shey na bcos u dey drive dis yeye moto na him make u wan commot our ear wit ur pimpim' chei why are people so aggressive? my people, sometimes don't blame some people for their quick temper because if you were given a minute to wear their shoes, hmmmm! (you don't no the gravity and the weight of pain a lot of people are passing through as a result of the ironies of life) the young man driving the so called 'yeye moto' was only using his horn to create an awareness that a car was coming. hmmmm people sha! "baba!baba! it's me the young man you met at the pub 2 years" this world is spherical, what goes around comes around, no matter how long it takes, people will always meet again. the only factor that might delay is time, what separates us is distance and what ends our existence is death. baba is very excited to meet an old friend that spiced up his sense of taste with that well made, garnished snail with pepper pomo featuring shots of kaikai. me wey like beta tin like shepele, abeg o, if na u wey meet person wey do you beta for past, shey u no go like make dat kain tape play again? (hahahhaha, na confirm Naija mentality b dat) Sharp baba! he couldn't even wait for further introductions, he helped him self into the car and sat down like a chief.(baba oni baba...pomo tins, snail tins, kaikai tins, chilling with old friend hahhahah) hmmm baba had something on his mind. when you see a man with papas cap, big googles and pipe in his mouth seated in front of car with his arm resting on the window and a young fresh man in clean suit driving, hmmmmm see gobe oooo!!!! as they drove, the young man kept on gisting baba about the city and the new development especially on the side of the government who have refused to change their tattoos of corruption, embezzlement and bribery. As they drove slowly because of the bad road, due to the negligence on the part of those in power, they never knew they were driving into a surprise. what happened? NEXT ON PHAT DAIRIES...

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