Friday, 25 December 2009

walking on broken heels

I woke up this morning feeling very sad. I turned and looked at Josh's sleepy face. Oh he's so handsome and has grown so big! How time flies. I sighed and snuggled dipper under the duvet.I really don't feel like getting out of bed. its so cold and I feel too lazy to go downstairs and switch on the heater.I'd rather freeze my butt than log them off this cosy positon. "wetin sef" i muttered as my phone buzzed on the bedside table." i am just not in the mood for idle natter with anybody.
My phone has actually been buzzing for the past half hour with friends texting good will messages for the new year.But I'm not in the mood to be nice. Its Christmas but it feels like I'm in another time zone, another planet entirely. My mind flashed over the ups and down of the past year and the pain crept in. The betrayal and rejection felt like an old wound that has refused to heal.A scar that reflects battles fought-lost and won. I sobbed quietly, didn't want to wake josh up at least not yet. Don't want him to see mama teary eyed and sad on a seemingly beautiful and happy day.
"God once again i hand over my fears and pain into your holy hands" i prayed."wrap me in your warm embrace, heal my broken heart and my wounds.fill me with the joy of Christmas. Help me celebrate and appreciate the birth of Christ in Jesus name". Well,time to get up and get ready for the day.lots of Xmas parties to attend and friends to hook up with.Now for the perfect party dress. Don't want to look like something the cat dragged in.
I chose to pair a dark blue skinny jeans and silk top with some killer heels. "hope i can walk in them" i thought to myself.Despite the obvious discomfort,nothing was gonna make me change my mind.
most women love shoes and would spend a fortune to increase and improve their collections. I've seen friends including myself suffer blistering pain, blisters and God help us, occasional twisted ankle and body ache for the sake of looking good in a pair of heels.who said looking good was easy! We've so mastered the art of looking good while enduring pain. Have you ever wondered how a woman can still look good and be having intense menstrual pain?
it has become easy to hide under the cover of make up and designer clothes when we are truly hurting inside. Pretence has become second nature with men and women doubled over in pain, robbed off their joy by circumstances but still smiling.Many times the loud boisterous laughter could be hiding betrayal,rejection, hurt,loss,abuse etc. What will happen if God for one second would allow humans to glimpse and read each others mind.I wonder!!!
Human beings are like onions with layers. If you are patient with that annoying friend or boss,you'll realise that angry disposition only hides a vulnerability. we are so scared to reveal our softer sides that we'd rather push people away than allow anybody get close. Its nobody's fault sha! most times, vulnerability are used as a weapon to hurt more by the people you confide in.
But there is one person I've made up my mind never to hide from-Jesus. I'd rather be naked and not be ashamed with Him than log my trash around with me everyday. He promised in his words "come unto me all ye that labour and are broken hearted and I'll give you rest".
"You'll experience all kinds of ugly situations in this fallen world. But the more you learn to trust that God is in ultimate control of what you're going through, the more you'll see beauty emerge from the ugliness"(culled from Sheila Walsh'book Beautiful Things happen When a woman trusts God).
God never promised that there will be no hurt but he promised to walk you through the issues that threaten to knock you down..
My dear, i am not perfect.Underneath that lovely smile is a little girl walking on broken heels.Its difficult to maintain a lovely poise and elegance on broken heels but I'm leaning on a friend whose shoulders are broad enough to hold me lest i fall again.He is there to catch me when I fall cos he knows I'm walking on broken heels.

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