Wednesday, 16 December 2009

Twisted & Bitter.

"watch where you are going" she screamed at the little boy before grabbing him by his shirt collar and practically dragging him to her car. "Take it easy or you'll hurt him" I cautioned her." as if I care" she replied. "his useless father just saddled me with a problem child and abandoned us and you want me to take it easy? please stay out of this matter". "now u fasten your seat belt before I toss you into the nearest river i can find" she shouted again at the little boy". I reached out to help him with the belt but the lad cringed back into his seat fearing i was about to hit him. I sighed and sank into my seat wondering what had bought about this awful mood in my friend.
we were both quiet on the 10 minutes drive home except for Henry who'd started singing "twinkle Twinkle little star" in the back seat. Oh bless him, I thought to myself. children are so wonderful and innocent. Already he has forgotten and probably forgiven his mum for lashing out at him. poor dude-caught in the bitter feud between his parents.
Nkechi is not a bad person neither is she a bad mother. she is just a victim of many unfortunate events. We met at a church gathering and clicked immediately. Many wondered if we were childhood friends as we did everything together and were as tight as a pack of wolves.
Despite the bond we shared, we had different personalities. Nkechi had a cold veneer with an annoying habit of pushing people away while I was a people- person; very capricious to a fault(not my fault,I'm a shameless sanguine). She is very distrustful of everyone, protective and jealous of the few friends she's got. Initially, I found her difficult to understand until I heard her story. Life was tough, her childhood worse!!! Nkechi survived a polygamous upbringing against all odds. Abandoned by her frail and often abused mother,ignored by a drunk father,she learnt to fend for herself from an early age. She recounted the nights she went to bed cold and hungry as her father's wives could not be bothered by a rival's child. "many times i ran away from home to escape only to return as the outside world was worse" she had told me.
Eventually, she found an escape in Tony. He promised her the world and gave her the world in the endless gifts and attention that she craved. But everything changed after they got married and moved to England. He became a drunken slob and abusive. she returned from work one night to find he's gone leaving her with their 3 year old boy.
He hurt her! He hurt her real bad! The memories of their separation is a scar that throbs every time anyone mentions his name.Now she sees her little boy as a constant reminder of her failure as a wife and person. she is always yelling and screaming at the boy blaming him for all her problems.
I know she loves him but she is finding it difficult to move beyond the harsh blows life has dealt her to enjoy the blessing she has got in her son
Bitterness and unforgiveness is a kill joy. These negative forces quietly and slowly destroys a person. Nobody said life was easy.We've all been through issues and been hurt but we have a choice to forgive, forget and move on. Life is too short to dwell on the past or negative emotions. Everyday is an opportunity to open a new page and start something new. Forgiveness is a mandate from God because it is an healing balm.It gives peace to a troubled heart. When a person harbours grudges and bitterness its like a festering wound that never heals.
My friend is a born again christian but has not experienced God has the balm of Gilead.She is still going about with her pain and bitterness robbing her son off a healthy relationship. when we transfer aggression to innocent kids we contribute in building an emotionally warped and unstable future.
Unforgiveness is a whirlwind that destroys lives in its wake, leaving trails of devastation everywhere it me an unforgiving person and I'll show you a bitter and twisted person(they roll together, you cant separate one from the other). If you cant recall a happy day filled with friends and laughter,where and what is the joy of living?
I pray Nkechi realises the treasure she's got in her son before its too late. A life of regrets is not worth living.

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