Speak the word

My son Joshua  just started to speak at the age of 9. My littleman was diagnosed with autism at age two plus with added complication of no speech! His delayed speech was a source of constant pain to me and frustration for him. As he grew older; he couldn't express his needs and I had to constantly guess what he wanted or what was wrong all the time. This took a toll on both of us, so you can imagine the constant conflicts and tantrums in my house.  Mind you, I throw a mean tantrum and this I did constantly. .lol.

Photo credit:www.songofthelarkblog.com

Fast foward to this day, Words cannot adequately describe my joy the day he uttered his first word! Dear friends, the Israelites were absolutely spot on when they exclaimed with joy in Psalm 126:1 "when the lord restored the fortunes of Zion, we were like them who dream". Seriously, this is a dream I don't want to wake up from, not even the devil can pinch me out of this....E FITTING'NT.
The miracle of Joshua has become a source of encouragement to many families that are experiencing similar challenges. I give glory to God that there is indeed a purpose to my pain. (we will talk more on that tomorrow).

I have learnt several lessons watching joshua's speech unfold daily.

1. Some of the words have been innate in him though dormant as he did not know how to frame them or give expression to the words.
2. As a parent, I had to teach him more words by pointing out objects and calling them by name.
3. Used the strategy of repetition to enable the word stick., 

Like any SANE mother would (emphasis on sane), in excitement I will point  at anything and everything in sight wanting my son to say them loud and clear to the glory of God and the shame of the devil. However to my dismay, my son got tired of using his words he'd rather pull me or point to the desired object but my humble self was having non of that. You see not using his voice and words would lead to the loss of his acquired skills. WHAT YOU DON'T USE, YOU LOSE! PRACTICE ALSO MAKES PERFECT..KAPISH?

God wants His children to speak the word always.The word of God to a believer is an affirmation of the righteousness and glory of God. It is a declaration of an unshakeable  faith in an awesome God. The believer believes in the heart (innate)and confesses(expresses) with the lips.  In Ezekiel 3, after the prophet had eaten the scroll  which represensented the word of God, he was told " son of man go now and SPEAK MY WORDS TO THEM" As sweet as the word was because it was likened to honey in verse 3, the prophet was not meant to merely savour the taste and lick his lips but to GO AND SPEAK HIS WORD. Ezekiel was commanded to speak the word he'd consumed to a hardened and obstinate people.
Dear friend, what is stopping you from declaring the word in your life? Don't just keep it bottled inside, SPEAK THE WORD and watch amazing things start to happen. What that mountain needs is just the word " Trully I tell you that if anyone says to this mountain 'be lifted up and thrown and thrown into the sea' and has no doubt in his heart....it will be done for them" Mark 11:23

BENEFITS OF SPEAKING THE WORD

• it builds your faith
• It is an exercise of faith
• It builds confidence in you and God.
• It brings God's purpose to bear in our lives.
• It enhances spiritual growth.
• Develops the inner man and transforms us outwardly.
• It gives victory over sin
• It gives life

Back to Joshua, you are not shutting off the words, NOT ON MY WATCH.

Drop the crutches

Successful relationships don't just happen. They are the products of hard work, commitment, purpose, dedication with the constant infusion of  trust, love, motivation, encouragement, patience, gentleness, forgiveness and empathy among others. Patience is essential though not more than others but because every relationship consists of two different people from different backgrounds who have been been formed by different experiences. It could be culture, education, family even simple issues like political affiliations and leanings make up a person's persona.

 These differences would somehow find their way into a relationship even if one or the other person was pretending. A person can only wear a façade for so long before the cracks start showing. Outbursts of emotions or mis-used expression does not necessarily mean hate but might imply that the other person has not learnt a better way of sharing their pains or dealing with issues due to their formative experiences or sometimes poor choices.

 I mentioned poor choices because you can use your formative experiences as a crutch which eventually affects your relationship adversely.  An emotional crutch could be anything from fear, doubt, hurts, any excuse that keeps you from having and enjoying a better today. It holds you back and stifles your growth.  It could even be a person. The person with the crutch will eventually drag the other down if care is not taken.While a patience is a virtue, if absolute care is not taken the person with an emotional crutch that is unwilling to give it up will end up in an emotional wheelchair. SO BEWARE. 

 For healthier relationship, start making choices that will enhance your life, devoid of past experiences and emotional drama. I did a soul search recently and identified my crutches.Some were more obvious than others but crutches nonetheless.I grew up in a dysfunctional home(like you didn't) and had an emotionally charged teenage years.I logged around emotional garbage for years but got to a point that I had to consciously ditch the garbage so I could have a healthy life and future.  I got tired of using my past as a crutch and started making healthier and better choices for ME. I realised that the change that I desired must start with me. 

Nobody can run using crutches so why do people think they can have a healthy relationship while dragging past hurts and behaviours around? Dropping the emotional hangup is a personal choice that nobody can make for you, you have to take the decision. I consciously don't allow relationships that will not enhance me into my life. I surround myself with emotionally healthy people or those who are sincerely working on getting rid of the crutches.

 I say sincerely because some people are in denial that is why a soul search is necessary. David did it in Psalm 90:12 "teach me to number my days that I might apply myself to wisdom". A past boyfriend would rather run from a relationship than deal with issues but I'm the opposite. NO MORE RUNNING OR HIDING BEHIND CRUTCHES.

2015 is fast approaching. Instead of starting a new year with hang ups, why not do a soul search, identify the issues that hold you from being your best and drop the crutches. You'll walk taller then.

The Fault in our Stars.

The title of this post is based on a movie about two teens, Hazel and Augustus who both have different cancer conditions. They met at a cancer support group and their journey of love follows the complexity of living a full life within a short time. Truth is, I have not watched the movie yet but was deeply moved by its promotional clip. The part that caught my attention was when Hazel asked Augustus why he was staring at her. He gave a simple yet profound answer "because you are beautiful".According to the world standard, there is nothing pretty about a girl living with cancer and logging around an oxygen tank to help her breath. But Augustus saw beyond Hazel's challenges and only focused on the beautiful woman trapped within that broken shell. Never mind that Augustus was broken Himself. Knowing his own "brokenness" he connected with Hazel's "brokenness". The cancer was the bridge that brought them together. He did not judge her or condemn her but empathised with her suffering because he was suffering too. He understood her pain, weakness and frailties.

Photo credit IMDB.com

In  a particular scene in Shakespeare's play, Julius Caesar, the noble man Cassius says to Brutus  "the fault dear Brutus is not in our stars but in ourselves".
We live in a broken world with broken people who deny their brokenness but go about hurting people while hurting themselves.  The world is filled with hurting people trying to heal others when they require healing themselves.These ones end up doing more harm than good "you hypocrite,first take the plank out of your own eyes and then you will see clearly to remove the speck in your brother's eyes" Matthew 7:5 .
The thing is we've all got something in our "eyes". Nobody has perfect vision that is why every man is a work in progress as we journey to perfection.

Freedigitalphotos.net

I sometimes attend a support group for parents with special needs kids in my area. The aim of the group is for parents to glean from each others experiences and encourage one another. At the meetings we don't laugh at each other but laugh together, bonded by our challenges though some more trying than others. It would be foolhardy to laugh at others when my life aint so perfect itself.
Our challenges might be different but everyone has got an issue whether speck size or plank size. Instead of laughing at others, show understanding!
The fault in our stars is that we spend too much time time judging others instead of empathizing, showing compassion and offering  a helping hand.

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That's why I adore Jesus. He did not come to judge the world but save. John 12:47. He had every right to condemn but he didn't.
Relationships will augur well if people love more and judge less. The fault is not with our stars but in us.Too many broken people acting all put together but broken nevertheless.  We are broken people desperately in need of a saviour. Thank God we may be imperfect but we serve a perfect God who makes all things beautiful in His time.

Nothing To Fear Afterall

I dreaded going to the hospital primarily because the doctors will always have something to say about my blood sugar levels. The readings were defying regular intervention despite regular  exercises and my genuine attempt to eat well. This particular day was no different. I was nervous as I approached the nurses station. My palms were sweaty and I wondered why I'd not fainted yet as my heart beat was beating erratically.

Picture credit-freedigitalphotos.net.

 I'd been battling high sugar levels since my teenage years. Although I was not officially diagnosed with diabetes back then, my sugar level tend to creep up when I worried or was sick but nobody took it seriously. Gestational diabetes changed the diagnoses and its been a challenge since.Now you know why I panic at the sight of a medical appointment. However,I decided to do things differently following years of "diabetic intimidation. I got tired of letting diabetes control my happiness or the sight of a medical appointment sending jitters down my spine.

Photo credit freedigitalphotos.net

 With a smile and a little prayer, I went in to see the doctor. Waiting for any result is never easy but eventually the results came and the readings were normal. My best results in years. I'd not checked my sugar levels in months so had not noticed when the changes took place but it had. I'd been worrying over an issue that was no longer threatening. Fear stopped me from checking my sugars and same fear robbed me off joy every time I ate an extra apple or ate my favourite meal.

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Fear is described with the acronym False Evidence Appearing Real. Its an evidence that is false despite its appearance. My new favourite pastor Jentezen Franklyn helped me understand this concept of fear better. He explained that when Jacob was presented with the blood soaked coat belonging to his son Joseph,he believed the evidence before him and wept many days. "And he recognised it and said "it is my son's tunic. A wild beast has devoured him. Without doubt Joseph is torn to pieces".
Jacob was deceived by what he saw but his son was alive as he would find out years later.  He spent days bound in mourning based on a false evidence appearing real.

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I also found interesting the Israelites encounter with Goliath in 1 Samuel 17. This gigantic bulk of a man would come out every morning to bully the Israelites. "for forty days the Philistine came forward every morning and evening and took his place" Vrs 16.
Notice he did nothing but intimidate the Israelites for forty good days without actually making good on his threats. For forty days the Israelites cowered before this bully who was all air. At the end of it all, it took a single sling shot from a simple shepherd boy to knock him down. BAM!!
If we look closely at the things that bother us through the lens of scriptures we find that there is really nothing to fear afterall. God has taken care of everything.

photo credit MSN lifestyle.

I no longer fear checking my sugar levels because now I know diabetes aint the boss of me. I do my part eating well and exercising and trust the word of God for the rest.
Don't let fear rid you of the opportunity to enjoy life. Fear is crippling. Don't be a victim. Like David bring out your sling shot which stands for the word of God and bring that Giant toppling down.

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Little Drops of Water

It doesn't necessarily start to pour when it rains. It sometimes starts with gentle drips.  Even the heaviest downpour starts with little drops before gaining momentum.

 Altair Urbano via photopin cc

 These little drops are signs which alerts to heavier drops to come. It might begin with sporadic burst of rain drops before becoming a consistent shower but it will be utter foolishness to disregard the tiny drops. Little drops of rain affords one the opportunity to project and plan for the likelihood of heavier showers. As a young girl growing up in the not so posh side of town, rainfalls were well appreciated. Its free water saving most families the stress of  the long walk to fetch water for household purposes. It also affords the kids the opportunity to play in the rain naked and unabashed.

 Frederic Mancosu via photopin cc

As pleasurable as  playing in the rain was, nothing beats the anticipation of the rain itself.  The gentle pit pat of rain drops on the roof tops and the sweet musky smell of wet sand was heavenly. The smattering of sounds on the rooftop was all the neighbourhood needed to start gathering available empty buckets and pans to collect rain water.

It doesn't necessarily have to be much but the anticipation was all the same. The people knew that little will go a long way to alleviate the constant water shortage and the accumulation of little becomes much. They knew that the tiny drops was a symbol of much more to come.

Elijah the Tishbite understood this principle in 1Kings 18. After the land had experienced intense drought for thee years, Elijah prayed that it would rain again but Heaven did not immediately open its gates and poured rain. What Elijah saw instead was a "little cloud no bigger than a man's  hand" 1 King 18:44. It was a little cloud but it was good enough for Elijah. In that "littleness" was packed  everything that Elijah had prayed and expected.

My little boy with autism did an interesting thing some weeks ago that got me on my knees giving glory to God. You see with autism, you have to initiate and motivate good behaviour which could try the patience of even Mother Theresa and I'm no Mother Theresa!!

It was breakfast time and the menu was weetabix but Joshua was having none of it. Instead of throwing the usual tantrum to express his frustration, he gently pushed away the box of cereal, walked to the cupboard and brought out branflakes! In teary amazement, I gave him a hug and breakfast was tantrum-free.

My boy now pro actively makes requests and asserts his preferences. I almost did a triple jump  the day he gently opened the front passenger seat of my car showing his desire to sit beside me. These "little" milestones  might seem ordinary to other parents but to me it was  all the sign I needed.  Its about to pour "rain" in my household and my empty pots and buckets are ready for the flood

. The little drops of water is gradually becoming streams of water. The years of drought is over and I am overjoyed. I can see the little drops of water in my son's life, how about you? Don't give up yet! Whatever the situation,never discountenance the evidence of "little" that you are seeing; with God little is much!! If the "little cloud no bigger than a man's fist" was good enough for Elijah, then I'ma start celebrating.

"Knowledge is power" An Ebola Survivor's story

EDITOR'S NOTE: The Ebola pandemic ravaging parts of Africa is cause for great concern even for the international community as a result of global travel. In countries like Liberia, thousands of lives have been lost without semblance of hope in sight. The trail of death is likened to the effect of biological warfare-devastating and horrific! In the midst of these trying news, it is with elation that news of someone surviving the horrors of these disease hits the news. I read with joy the story of Dr. Ada Igonoh one of the doctors that had contact with the late Patrick Sawyer(the first identified case of Ebola in Nigeria) and her survival story. Aside from the many reasons she highlighted, Dr.Igonoh narrated how she researched the Ebola disease even more after her diagnoses further enhancing her chances of survival. She did not depend solely on the doctors but helped herself by getting information on the disease. Information is liberating and knowledge is power. "my people are destroyed for lack of knowledge" Hosea 4:6.  
The story is told of a man in the 1900 who went on a cruse from England to America. He never ate on board the ship throughout the trip as he though the ticket only covered his travel but not the meals. The "poor" man brought his own food for the long journey. At the end of the trip, the Captain asked why they never saw him at meal times. The man explained his reason to the Captain. The Captain replied, "sir, the ticket included all the meals as well". I'm sure the man felt stupid  but it was no one's fault but his!! There is no bliss in ignorance.  Beyond what you learn in church, dust the cobwebs off your bible and study.

picture courtesy Miss Pitite Nigeria blogspot.

Be inspired by Dr. Ada's story. Read more

Handle With Care

The more I brushed my Ombre human hair weave, the more it shed.  I'd spent quite a bit of money to buy the weave so you can imagine my annoyance at the strands of hair that came off with every brush stroke. According to the manufacturer's specification, I will experience little or no shedding but the strand's of hair in my bathroom sink and sometimes food says otherwise. I was about to draft a strongly worded letter of complaints to the manufacturer but decided at the last minute to re-read the hair care instruction. I realised certain things I'd been doing wrong. 1. I'd been been using a brush with hard bristles instead of the recommended soft bristles. 2. No matter how expensive the hair or "human" it seems, it is not my original hair . My hair extensions have undergone a series of processing so requires a more delicate care than my natural hair, hence the shedding. *Lesson to self-always read instruction manual thoroughly*

I have experienced enough brokenness like some of you reading this post to recognise a "broken" person when I meet one. With my little experience, I have learnt never to box people together. People are products of different experiences and environment so require a more dynamic method of approach. It is downright wrong to treat a child from an abusive home with the same gloves as a child with a somewhat more balanced home structure. Broken and hurting people are vulnerable and quite easily exploited or susceptible to more abuse. That is why for some unfathomable reason  abused people tend to seek abusive relationships. It is just not normal! Jesus gives the perfect example on how to deal with hurting people. "to the weak, I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all people so that by all possible means I might save some" 1 Corinthians 9:22. Jesus understood the dynamics of dealing with broken people and lived accordingly. When the sick were brought to him he showed compassion "When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them because they were harassed and helpless like sheep without a shepherd".  Jesus was moved with the desire to relieve the suffering of the hurting not break them some more.  "a bruised reed he will not break, and a smouldering wick he will not snuff out" Matthew 12:20  but he was much firm with the overbearing Pharisees. What most hurting need is empathy and not condemnation. Imagine going for counselling and leaving more damaged than when you got there. Frustrating isn't?  That my friend is not the purpose of the church but to offer hope to a dying world. Like my "human hair" God did not create the world broken. The present status quo is a consequence of sin but there is hope yet. No matter how much, you deny it, broken people like new born babes need  gentle care.

Next time you meet a hurting person, please handle with care don't be brash, selfish or uncaring.  Take a bit more time with that person and don't be afraid to offer a helping hand, it may well be you needing encouragement tomorrow.
P.S. Got myself a brush with softer bristles coupled with additional moisturising and plenty palaver  and the shedding has reduced drastically. Thank God!!

Encouragement for the hurting

EDITOR'S NOTE:  Sometimes life hurts no matter how careful or saintly you are. Even the strongest of people also hurt . Job was righteous but he had his "bout" of challenges.  A "dear friend" betrayed my confidence a while back and I was badly wounded. Many nights after the incident, I cried myself to sleep and  sought solace in God the healer of broken hearts (he heals the broke hearted and binds their wounds" psalm 147:3) . Eventually, I was healed and the hurt just a distant memory but I still bear emotional scars from the relationship. Mind you, many times I was tempted to lash back and hurt the source of my pain but I never did simply because I have a different kind of spirit at work within me. In all, I believe there is a lesson to be learnt in every situation whether good or bad, you'll come out stronger if only you'll let God change your perspective. I found this inspiring article on Proverbs 31 that teaches  how to cope when life hurts. It's written by Chrystal Evans Hurst. Be blessed.

It's a WOW day

Yippeee! It's a beautiful day! The sun is shinning and nature is ablaze with myriads of colours purple, orange, blue with splashes of green. Its absolutely gorgeous!! Every person I met during my morning walk had a huge smile on their faces and were eager to say "hello" too unlike many other days. It felt like God had poured out bucket loads of rainbow to transform every soul even the crankiest of them all. Even I had a bounce in my steps which had been missing for some days!! Its ironic to think the past few weeks had been clouded with sporadic rainfall and cold spells; everyone as usual huddled in massive jackets and faces hidden under warm woollen hats. The long winter nights seemed long and endless. We all wondered if summer would ever come or If we would ever rid of the cold weather. The winter wasn't as bad as previous years but it had been cold nonetheless. Compared to other countries Ireland faired very well and bravely. Today, the story has changed . The sun is shining and gone are the boring jackets and woollen hats. Isn't that the same with life? One day you are at world's and suddenly its bright and sunny again. It suddenly seems the bad days never happened. It's fair to say "tough times don't last but tough people do". Man is built to survive arduous situations but not alone. Scriptures says "though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death thou art with me, thy rod and thy staff they comfort me" psalm 23:4. Challenges are Shadows, they will vanish no matter how long they trail you around; you are not alone in the situation; the rod of God never causes pain only brings comfort. AMAZING!! The long endless cold has gone albeit for a season but for now the sun is out lets all enjoy the beautiful weather. Remember "sorrow may endure for a night but joy cometh in the morning" Psalm 30:5. Today is a beautiful day, pack on the sunscreen and lets have A WOW DAY.#UNLEASHTHEBIKINI (IN MY CASE DON'T..LOL)

This too shall pass

Several years ago I was called out to Joshua’s school for a meeting with his teachers. He'd suddenly started limping and the teachers were worried. He'd not been involved in any physical exercise that could have caused the limp neither had anyone seen him fall. Of course, as a parent I was worried as he'd been fine when I dropped him off earlier that day. The school nurse checked him for any broken bone or bruise but found nothing, absolutely nothing. With a smile I took my limping son home. I noticed he was not just limping but dragging his right leg as if it was crippled, practically lifeless. I watched as he dragged the leg while playing oblivious to the panic in my heart. What could have caused this limp in addition to every other thing going on in my little boy's life? At least he doesn't seem to be in pain but I didn't like the way he was dragging his foot. It’s bad enough having to explain to everyone that my cute little boy had no words now this! This went on for three weeks and just like it started my boy started walking normally again. Since then we've gone through the aggression and hitting, screaming, crying cum laughing, scratching almost self harm phase. Josh would just jump off his seat and start crying and screaming, absolutely inconsolable. I understand the medical explanations but it hurts when you can't help your child's behaviour and all you could just do is try to hug the pain away. *Sigh* At that stage I would envelope myself in sadness expressed in tears but it never assuaged the situation only made it worse as I would not be good company to be with or around. It took a while before I realised this "moments" only lasted for a while. They were uncomfortable, unpleasant but they soon passed away. I have lost count of the number of times I was called out from school and work so much I thought I could not cope anymore....but I coped very well and also found favour with my lecturers and bosses. It was during those trying moments that I got a Masters, Diploma in journalism, produced a radio documentary, got two professional certification etc. Looking back now God is indeed faithful. I am encouraged by Psalm 23:1-4 “The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, and he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me”. In those challenging perched moments God will refresh your soul after all scriptures says “he provides waters in desolate heights” isn’t that amazing!! Be reassured whatever is making you cry, breaks your heart or seems impossible this day shall also pass way. IT’S JUST A PHASE. I still get those odd calls from my son’s school but I have a better perspective and I tell the situation I AINT BOVERED!!! To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace. Eccl 3:1-8

Stop Building Walls, Start Building Bridges

I'll be sharing a post from one of my favourite writers on a devotional topic close to my heart. Truth is, when it comes to loving others and showing affection, I'm down right scared of being hurt and would shy away from being vulnerable with another person. I have been hurt so many times not unlike many people but for some recovering from past hurt takes longer than most....so be kind in judging me. However, I've dared to open up to others again by giving the best of myself to the people around me and causes I believe in and that my friend is WORTH EVERY OUNCE OF MY LOVE and a guaranteed fast track to Healing and a joy-filled living. Like I tell myself, "don't wallow in self pity,stick your head outta your a*** and make every moment count". Don't dwell on the hurt, RE-CHANNEL your emotions and you'll be SMILING AGAIN. ENJOY RICK WARREN. “The Lord stood with me and gave me strength so that I might preach the Good News in its entirety for all the Gentiles to hear.” (2 Timothy 4:17a NLT) When you’re lonely, you need to focus on others and not yourself. The loneliest person in the world is the guy who's self-centered and wrapped up in himself. God wired us to give our lives away, to help others, to think of others and not just ourselves. If you want to break out of loneliness, stop saying, "I don't have any friends," and start being a friend. Stop focusing on yourself and instead give yourself away. Instead of focusing on yourself, you need to emphasize others' needs. Loneliness is often a fear of love. We're afraid to be open. We’re afraid to be vulnerable. We're afraid to share how we really feel. We're afraid to step out and risk a relationship because we might be rejected, and we know what that pain feels like. When we fear love, we don't give ourselves away, and we're guaranteeing ourselves loneliness. We set ourselves up in a self-imposed prison of solitary confinement that is absolutely unnecessary. Give your life away! When Paul was in prison and about to be executed, he said all his friends had left him, but God was with him. That gave him the strength to reach out to others and complete the work God had given him: “The Lord stood with me and gave me strength so that I might preach the Good News in its entirety for all the Gentiles to hear” (2 Timothy 2:17a NLT). The key to overcoming loneliness is to stop building walls and start building bridges. Stop building walls between you and other people. Start building bridges. Take a risk. Begin to help other people. Years ago, Corrie Ten Boom was engaged to be married to a guy who suddenly broke off the engagement and married her best friend. She was devastated. She came home crushed and lonely and isolated. She asked her father, "What do I do with a blocked love?” He said, "Whenever you have a blocked love, re-channel it.” There are thousands of people in the world who need your love. Re-channel it. If you hold it in, it's going to dry up and wither away. You need to find a ministry, a place you can use your talents and gifts to help other people. Give yourself away. When you do that, the loneliness will dissipate. Talk It Over Why is it sometimes easier to hold love in than give it away? Who are the people around you who need your love today? How can you share it with them?

bag that shoe peeps!

Hurray! My good friend and loko sister has joined the blogosphere and I'm so excited. Her blog is about everything shoes, bags and fashion. I'm not a fashionista but I love my shoes especially my heels....I'M MAD ABOUT HEELS. There's something about a lady in heels. It adds an extra sexiness to her wardrobe and look. Like every woman, I'm a loose cannon in any shopping mall. I dart from shop to shop with absolutely no idea what I want but my eyes seems to zing to the perfect shoes. I'd choose a perfect shoe over clothes anytime. I've got shoes in both rooms in my house since I no longer have space to keep them in my room; poor Josh has mummy's shoes hidden under his bed(note to self...get proper storage for your shoes and mind your room woman!). I love that I LOVE FASHION but there was a time I didn't care what I looked like or even what people thought about me. I was very sad battling post natal depression so looking good was the last thing on my mind. However when God began His healing work in my life, it started reflecting on the outside. The truth is God is interested in both the content and the container.I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;your works are wonderful,I know that full well " psalm 139:14. What better way to adorn this wonderfull work of art(your body) than to make it look fab albeit decently and within your means!!likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control" 1Timothy 2:9 This year, I had to deliberately discipline myself from buying shoes at the spur of the moment as I've got more shoes than I need and even more that I've not worn(time to sort those unwanted shoes babe) I have no problem getting the perfect shoes but not every woman is that lucky. I realise some women struggle to get the right shoes for the perfect outfit. It’s not unusual seeing a beautifully dressed woman wearing very ugly shoes and that my friend is every fashionistas nightmare. So that's why “bagthatshoe” comes in handy. It’s a helpful guide to helping every fashionista bag those special shoes and accessories to glam up any look. The blog is also a creative outlet for my dear friend, Omo as she’s a nutter for fashion. One beautiful benefit of the blogosphere is it enables everybody to put their creative ability and talent to good use. For majority of people, the internet with its ensuing challenges has been a blessing in disguise. It has given everyone a platform for expression which was otherwise unavailable or limited via traditional media platforms. You have uncountable people who’ve broken through the World Wide Web via the blogosphere. I’m thankful for the internet as it’s a means of sharing the gospel and the enriching work of salvation with others. For my friend it’s an opportunity to promote her skills and help you bag that purrrrrfect shoe. C’mon, check out www.bagthatshoe.com. You’ll love it

......and I CRIED

"Sister Gladys, I’d like to see you later please", the pastor's wife said. "Chei! What have I done or haven't done this time?, I exclaimed to no one in particular in the almost empty church auditorium . "Finally", I continued as I drove for my appointment with the Pastor's wife. "Sister Carol has had enough of my constant "harassment" over her height issue that she has reported me. You see, I love sister carol but she is pint size compared to my gigantic frame. So I've made it a personal honour to plead her case with the lord and "bully" her to achieve my goal! I'm tired of talking with her from my vantage tall position and it’s even more awkward when I wear heels (what is my crime in wanting the best for a sister in the lord?). After I'd settled in the church office and exchanged the usual pleasantries with my rather shy but amiable pastor's wife, the matter was worse than I envisaged. "Sister G", she said. "The lord wants you to FORGIVE your baby's dad and forgive yourself”. That came as a shock because she was not privy to my dramatic past. Moreover, I had forgiven my son's dad, hadn't I? I'd done the "religious act" of forgiving but deep down I was hurting and bitter. I was hurting that he'd treated me shabbily and tossed me out like trash to cater for "our baby" alone. Moreover, I thought moving on and starting a new life was all it took to address the past and heal my wounds. I've realised it’s never that simple. You see, healing is a process and not an act of magic. You don’t just wave a magic wand to make a pain disappear or a wound to heal up. It is a process that requires conscious effort. The process is always painful but necessary for proper healing to occur. Remember iodine? It is a solution used to disinfect bruises or wound and accelerate healing. It stings and even the brave may cry but it does what it says on the bottle. After, I survived an accident in which I lost three fingers on my right hand; I thought the doctors were a mean bunch anytime they came to change my dressings. removing the blood soaked bandage would hurt even before the actual cleaning and dressing would start. It was never the doctor's intention to hurt but to heal.....however they inadvertently hurt me in the process. Today, I'm grateful for the hurt as they were able to save my hand if not all my fingers. So with God. He desires a thorough spiritual surgical removal of bitterness and forgiveness for proper restoration and healing to occur. God wants to restore man to WHOLENESS. However, it does not mean there won’t be scars! After the Holy Spirit revealed the true nature of my heart, I STARTED TO CRY. I cried for the little girl that struggled all her life to be accepted and be acknowledged. I cried for the teenage girl that craved acceptance in the arms of different men but was only left with a hollow feeling in her heart. I cried for the woman who thought a career and financial independence were the -only seal of approval she needed. I cried for the mother who had to struggle to love her child because in his eyes she saw his father. In the little boy's brokenness she saw a reflection of past failures returning to hunt her. I cried because in that moment, the spirit that searches the heart showed me the truth. I’d been leaving a lie and going through the motions of Christianity without truly living the TRUTH. I cried for the lost years and opportunities lost but best of all I cried because of the future. I cried because the festering wound of the past was finally being treated properly and not covered or wished away. Delving into the past hurt but that is the first step to healing. Forgiving hurts but it’s a necessary process for healing. That day, I cried not about the past but in excitement about the future and the second chance it held out. The journey to wholeness was finally set in motion.

Looking Up.

Happy new month all. 2012 has been a fantastic year for me and I'm so appreciative. It has not been entirely drama free but in the midst of all my challenges, I've learnt a lot. I have discovered more of my weaknesses, some behaviours and attitudes that I never imagined were dormant in me or that I had at all. Above all, I have discovered how strong I really am. Seriously, you never know who you really are untill you are faced with a never before experienced challenge. Most importantly, my challenges never overwhelmed me even when I faltered emotionally, I always come out smiling having learnt a lesson or two from the situation. I'm learning to deal with my anger issues. Yep, anger and bitterness over my past. It's so easy telling one to let go of the past but when underlying issues are not properly addressed, they would eventually fester and affect the future causing more damage. So I am addressing those festering wounds while looking forward to the future. I've also learnt that if I want to trully enjoy that glorious future that is mine, there is the urgent need to carefully and dilligently deal with these matters once and for all."Do not remember the former things,nor consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing, Now it shall spring forth;Shall you not know it? " Isaiah 43:18-19. For God to work his will perfectly in a person's life there must be that sincere acknowledgement of one's weakness and the need for His strength and help. On this journey of healing and transformation, the lord has been my strength and guide. I've learnt to lean and depend on Him constantly.When I find myself digging into that "bag of gaggage" which contains basically crap and lies that the enemy made me believe and carry over the years, I exchange them with the truth of God's words. It works all the time. (never even realised I was still carrying them around!) For instance when I'm feeling low, I just tell myself over and over that "the joy of the lord is my strength". I choose God's words over the devil's. Negative words inflict wounds while the word of God soothes and heals. No wonder I was constantly overwhelmed as a negative attitude is comparable with a dark cloud that broods nothing but storm and bad weather. "Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us" Heb 12:1 Its been a slow but eventful journey. I'd expected to be "all that" but worried that I was not "all that". Dreams and aspirations seemingly not happening yet. In it all I'm Grateful. some of the reasons for my initial discontent was a result of comparing myself with other people whom I felt were doing better than me or were doing what I desired. Until I learnt to appreciate who I am as an individual and where I am, I was never happy. Moreover, the bible says "he that compares himself to another is FOOL" and nobody wants to be called a fool. So I gave myself a much needed nudge in the butt . Like a recovering alcholic, I'm taking little baby steps, not worrying but "running the race that is set before ME) not running another person's race as that only leads to fustration and eventual depression. Until I changed my perspective I was stuck in an emotional rot. I am learning to be CONTENT in all things not LETHAGIC but content and daily appreciating God for the gift of life. As I do these, life has become easier and less stressful because I've learnt to trust "The owner of Life". I remind myself its not so much the destination as much as the beauty of the journey. My life is an unfolding story and I'm learning to enjoy the narration. Its not fast paced as it used to be neither is it boring. The tempo is much different and I'm evolving into the beatiful, confident woman that I'm so grateful for. Despite my challenges- josh's diagnoses, my unemployement etc-I'm leaning more and more on God instead of whinning and complaing even crying but trusting God all the way. After all He started all this....so I'll give Him DRAMA trust me! lol. But its not all bad, Infact its not bad at all rather everything is LOOKING UP and what a PICTURE its turning out to be.

Not Ashammed!

Being a single mum was never part of my childhood dreams. As a little girl, I had a clearcut idea of what I wanted to be in future and despite the huddles, I achieved my heart desire and lived the dream albeit for a while. But the challenges I endured as a kid cannot compare with the challenges of being a single mum. I was not prepared! it hit me slambang in the face like a baseball bat(not that I've experienced that before but you get my drift). I had survived emotional trauma of being hurt and all by people but I carried on WELL. Past hurts never prepared me for challenges of single motherhood but I found myself right in the middle of it.Many times I wondered how I would cope. Life was difficult enough coping with myself but how in heaven's name was I supposed to cope with this "little person". But I have coped well and would cope better still. I am not the perfect mum but I'm a good mother. Irrespective of how many times I fall short of my own expectations, there is no denying that I love my son. I would not change him for the world. I remember the pain of rejection and the shame that I lumbered around for 2 years, weighing me down and stealing my joy-THE JOY OF MOTHERHOOD. life drifted gradually. the days rolled into another. I lost the sense of purpose and simply endured the days. Nothing made sense! I lost my sexyness! who would love me? I was unlovable! the man in the mirror told me so! he screamed dirty words at me and I believed! I fell for his lies. I was ashammed and dirty and ASHAMMED. With shame I lost my confidence and with it the twinkle in my eyes. In its place was a bottomless pit of dispair. I couldnt bear it anymore-the pretence! I had done a lot of crying in my young life but those moments hurt more as I felt the errors of my circumstances were my fault. All around me my life had a semblance of fulfillment but deep down the smiles hid the shame, the decay, the rot. I felt a tug at my knees while I was staring out of the window. It was my little boy. his chubby fingers were stretched out for me to carry him. I looked into his eyes. For the first time that day in 2 years I trully saw how beautiful he was. His smile tugged at my heart and something broke. his laughter resounded in my heart as i lifted him into my arms. "My son", I whispered. He smiled and hid his face in my neck. I heard the voice in my heart say "thus art the lord done unto me in the days wherein He looked upon me with compassion and took away my reproach from amongst men"Luke 1:25. The journey to restoration had gently begun. Holding on to guilt, shame and bitterness was hurting my son and I rubbing us off the joy of felloweship with each other. I had missed out on strategic milestones in his young life: the first time he smiled, the first googly sound etc. I consciously decided to forgive myself and bask in the liberation that Christ died for. Mistakes do happen and people sometimes fall but we dont have to necessarilly wallow in the pit of despair as I found myself doing. My lifestyle was contradicting the message of the cross that jesus died on "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new"(2 Cor 5:17).I had been seeing things wrongly all these while! I had been deceived and had believed a lie. I had nothing to be ashammed of! That day, I chose to allow God's mercy restore me. My pregnacy was not a punishment but something to be enjoyed. yes, I got pregnant outside wedlock but I did the honorable thing of giving life to my baby instead of the cowardly option of abortion. I saw myself in the reality of God's WORD. I saw Hope, I saw Joy and felt the tingles of a journey to Newness.

Broken promises- A survivor's tale

"It wasn't meant to end this way", she told herself as she made an attempt to grasp his arm but he shrugged off her hands. "Sweetheart", she cried! "Dont do this to me", "to us" she wailed but he looked at her with such disdain that made her cringe and hold her slightly bulging tummy for comfort. He slammed the door with such force that the picture frame hanging by the door fell to the ground and shattered to a thousand pieces. She picked up the picture and brushed off the shreds of tiny glasses from the faces of the happy couple starring back at her. Faces that held such promises, such love, but like the broken picture frame, now lay in a broken fragment, spewed all over the floor. Gently the stream of tears began to flow. the gentle gasps became heart wrenching sobs that tore at her soul. She felf bereft, cold, with a massive hole in heart. How long she sat huddled in the corner of the room holding the picture frame close to her heart, she didn't know not even the tiny hunger pangs could get her to rise from her new found haven. "It wasn't meant to end this way" she kept repeating to herself as if those words could change this nightmarish past hours and she would wake up beside her love. Life had beeen tough and growing up harsh. But you would never know simply by looking at the gentle, bubbly exterior. She'd always been the life and soul of every party. Not a dull moment in her company. Despite the seemingly glowing personalty layed a fearful little girl. She'd never known real love neither allowed herself to be loved. Love left one vulnerable, open to hurt. She'd seen too many women torn and scared by love and vowed "never to be one of them". Her mother was a victim of a loveless sham of a marriage that eventually killed her. Countless times she'd heard the fights, slamming doors and sometimes the turturous sounds of her mother being pummelled and tossed about like a rag doll.Whatabout the nights she'd hear her mother cry herself to bed and wake up in the morning with a shaky smile and pretend nothing happened the previous night or worse still lie that her red swollen eyes were caused by lack of sleep. "What about the swollen lips, mama", she'd ask but her mother would shrug off the question by giving her a hug and saying it was nothing and now she is dead! She'd vowed never to be anyman's doormat nor a victim like her mum. But the woman cuddled in the corner in a muddled mess gasping through thee gut-wrenching tears stated otherwise. She'd met Pius at an office event and she'd been drawn to him from the moment their eyes met across the room. She'd tried to avoid him all evening and still her trembling hands but she couldn't resist him when he asked her for a dance. That was the beginning of a romance that broke her reserve and seared through the defences she'd built around her heart. He'd promise they'll be together forever and she'd reckoned this must be heaven. Pius was her ideal man. Hardworking, successful gentle, respectful and always treated her as his queen. Money was never an issue. he was generous to a fault. He'd pampered her and she basked in his love. He treated her like a fragile egg. Then he dropped the egg!The news of her pregnancy was meant to be the icing on the cake, a seal of their love. Rather, it turned her prince into a monster. words cant describe the look on his face when she told him of her pregnancy. He pushed her away and demanded she abort the product of their love. He never gave her a reason just demanded she killed their unborn child. Her fairytale romance had become a nightmare! He'd broken her heart. Murdered her one effort at true love. Without any explanation, he messed up her life,slammed the door and walked out, JUST LIKE THAT! As she laid sprawled on the floor, she felt the baby move. It was a barely there movement but she felt it. "What will happen to us little one" she wondered. She struggled to her feet as she felt the first few pangs of hunger. She'd been crying for so long and had lost track of time. But she needed to eat. As she made her way to the kitchen, she caught her reflection in the mirror. Muddled hair and mascara steaming down her face. Her felection reminded her of her mother-battered, broken and with eyes that had experienced too much pain and she resoved never to be the woman in te mirror. She will survive! She dragged herself to the bathroom washed her face, applied fresh make-up and made her way back to the kitchen. Over dinner,she assessed her life and felt a sob caught at the back of her throat but she refused to cry. A bible scripture came to mind "He heals the brokenhearted and bind up their wounds"psalm 147:3. She'd not read her bible in a long time and the tears welled up again. this time she allowed them to flow. She was broken and needed the comfort of God's loving embrace. She admitted that the journey will be tumulteous and she needed the gentle reminder that God gave that "He would never leave us nor forsake us no matter how steeped in sin we are as long as we call to Him. Awashed with a new found peace, she picked up her phone and dialled her closest friend. She needed someone who would walk this new path with her without judging her. A friend who would be there when she will need a shoulder to cry on and she knew just who that person was.