When Life Hurts

Have you heard the music by R.E.M titled "Everybody hurts? Its actually a melancholic yet inspiring song depicting the pain that everybody carries though some are more visible than others. The rich, poor, married, single, elderly, young, employed, unemployed, male, female, pastors, laymen,you name it-everybody really do hurt sometime. Truth is we live in a fallen world with imperfect people. Despite our better intentions even the most perfect of us would still unconsciously hurt another. But what if you are the object of that hurt? what if you are the object of another person's vile intention. The first thing you want to do is hurt them back-make them hurt same way you've hurt or worse. That might seem like a good idea but what good does that do in the long run. Hitting back "might" give temporary satisfaction but can never take away the pain or restore what has been lost. So what do you do when life hurts. ACKNOWLEDGE THE HURT-Most people live in denial of pain and "gently sweep" the issue under the carpet and pretend it never happened. That my friend is a potent recipe for disaster. It is a festering wound whose rancid smell would eventually expose itself. Why else would a seemingly perfect couple suddenly turn on each other and open a can of hideous worms that seemingly appeared from nowhere! The can of worms didn't just appear, it had always been there just never acknowledged or dealt with. One or both had un-dealt with issues that suddenly spilled over with little or no provocation. Stop pretending and acknowledge the fact that you've been hurt. If its not all right, say its not al right!. DROP THE PRETENCE, YOU ARE BETTER OFF. CONFRONT THE ISSUE- I hate confrontation! I'd rather hide away and let the matter slide so peace would reign but I have learnt over the years that's it is a cowards way out. Confronting the issue does not imply aggression but a wise attempt at conflict resolution so an ugly situation would not repeat itself. it's a gently way of telling someone "hey buddy, what you said about my appearance hurt me". FORGIVE- Choose to forgive. It's is Our Father's desire that we "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you" Ephesians 4:32. The ability to forgive is a measure of how Christlike we really are "Follow God's example, therefore, as dearly loved children" Ephesians 5:1 . The first time I heard about "ADVANCE FORGIVENESS" was from a dear friend. its simply choosing to forgive others way before they hurt you. it is also a biblical principle. "You were dead because of your sins and because your sinful nature was not yet cut away. Then God made you alive with Christ, for he forgave all our sins" Colossians 2:13. The bible is so rich on forgiveness. CONFIDE- In the words of legendary actor and comedian Frank Spencer(Michael Crawford)"a trouble shared, is a trouble doubled..lol not necessarily so. you are not created to live life alone. Instead of being overwhelmed with your issues, confide in someone that can help ease the burden. Not everyone needs to know your business but there is always someone that can help but DON'T DIE IN SILENCE. YOU ARE NOT ALONE-never for a moment think you are alone-someone,somewhere is going through or has gone through what you are dealing with. Don't be afraid to reach out. Don't let pride interfere. pride cannot save you only wisdom can. BE PREPARED- Scouts honour! Offences will always come. You will offend and people will offend but the bible says "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone".Romans 12:18. Never be too big to say Sorry or accepting another person's apology PRAY-There is no replacement for prayer. It is confiding and sharing your deepest hurts and desire with your heavenly father who never judges and would certainly never condemn you. It cost nothing and is more result oriented than any self help book out there. Finally, never let any situation or person determine your worth. No circumstance or human being is worth loosing your delightful smile for. According to popular parlance when life throws you a lemon, make a tall glass of lemonade out of it and remember to put some ice in it-makes it more refreshing .

A NEW WAY, A BETTER WAY.

"Let me just give him a gentle wack on the bum", I argued with the Holy Spirit. "nothing too painful, just enough to get him to behave", I persisted while trying to quickly place my fresh laundry into the hot press so I could fulfil that pressing need to give Joshua a smacking that he'll not forget in a hurry. In my quest to get that piece of work done quickly, I almost toppled down my mini ladder. "Oh gosh", I muttered while trying to maintain a proper balance without falling off and breaking my neck. "You better take it easy and not hurt yourself", that still gentle voice said. "Go down stairs and find out what the fuss is all about but don't smack him". "Ok", I conceded and stumped not too gently down the stairs so the Holy Spirit would know how I felt about not giving Josh some good old "smakaroo". I felt cheated off a good old fashion smacking after all the bible said "He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly" Proverbs 13:14. I felt the Holy Spirit was denying me the Justice I so wanted to lash out by screaming my lungs out. I'd given him his favourite meal right after school, played with him before going up to do my chores, so what could be the problem? After ruling out all other possibilities that I could draw up in my head, I felt a good old fashioned discipline was well deserved. On getting into the living room, I gently asked him what the matter was instead of shouting which would have been my initial response to his tantrums. I felt stupid doing the coey doey stuff because that's not me. I DO SHOUT AND I DO IT WELL...but not today. I'd decided to try a different way by obeying the Holy Spirit and it turned out to be a better way. Josh calmed down faster with my gentle words and hugs. It is not always easy adjusting to new things. There is that awkward moments of fitting in especially when you've mastered the old. For instance starting out on a diet leaves one painfully hungry(or maybe its only me cos i'm even more hungry now than ever). I remember how it felt driving my friend's new car when mine was broken. It was awkward initially until I mastered the new features and driving became "easy peasy", much better than my old banger (now I hate my car...*sob*sob*sob*) Peter had a similar experience. Imagine Jesus, the son of a carpenter telling Peter who had a Masters in Fisheries to launch out into the deep to catch fish! What audacity! Peter had been toiling all night! He'd tossed his net to the north, west, east and south of the sea and had caught nothing. After his initial protest, he gave into Jesus's request and got a MIND BLOWING TESTIMONY. The difference between his first attempt and the second was OBEDIENCE TO THE WORD. Instead of rebellion, he chose the better way-OBEDIENCE. He wouldn't have got that terrific result if Jesus was not in the boat with him. The old way is full of frustration, emptiness, pain, loss even death. However in Christ there is A NEW WAY, A BETTER WAY that leads to life. It's not always easy but so worth it. I don't shout at Josh anymore and the result is beautiful. I'm enjoying a better and healthier relationship with my boy. P.S my wrinkles have also reduced.

MONSTER TO MUM

"Hello, is that Joshua's mum?", the strange voice on the phone asked. It was the nice lady from my son's school. My heart pounded in my chest and I wondered what it could be this time. The past few days had been stressful.The daily reports on his school journal had been full of one complain or the other and I had literarilly had it up to my neck and didnt think I could take one more negative report. It was what I feared and worse! Joshua required urgent occupational and speech therapy which the school could not provide because it did not have access to such services. Sad isn't it? A special needs class not having vital support services because of bottlenecks in the Irish Health Services. More like lack of proper planning and execution of relevant necessary programms by the HSE.Heartbreaking!. After dropping the call with Joshy's teacher, my initial reaction was to wrap myself in a ball and cry my heart out but I didn't. No more tears from this lady. Crying helps relieve built up emotional pain but does not provide long time solution to any problem. I did what I'm learning to do in any troubling situation-TURN TO GOD. "lord", I prayed. "you heard what the lady said. Josh has speech and occupational needs. the teachers are at a loss on what to do and I don't know what to do as well". Phil 4:19 ,But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus . Only you can supply joshy's need and I trust you have". I wish I could say that after the prayers, the situation immediately disappeared. It didn't but my perspective changed. I was no longer weighed down but rather relieved! The system is limited and and can only give "this much" help. They are humans afterall and run by less than perfect humans!. The past years as Joshua's mum have been the most challenging in my life. I could handle being pregnant and alone but never bargained for autism. Do I regret the choices I made? ABSOLUTELY NOT!! Though I gave up some seemingly "important" positions and opportunities at the time to have a baby, I now realise no amount of money or freedom can compare with the joy of those tiny hands wrapping themselves around me and those slushy kisses. In the early days of his diagnoses, I was understandably angry and blamed the lil lad for everything and even blamed myself. Ofcourse, the devil fed my bitterness afterall "he is the accuser of the brethen. I contantly rapped myself on the head thinking my son was "broken" because I was "broken" too! "why, why why me? I asked no one in particular but quickly learnt that beating myself up would not yield any positive result. I had to deal with the situation at hand. I've had to deal with shame and pity. I remember the times, I feared taking him out to the Mall worrying that he might throw a tantrum or let go of my hand and grab a stranger. Or the pity looks you get from parents who understood or weird looks from people who assume your child is plain unrully. How many people will you explain or apologise to? With time, that haze of bitterness and anger was removed and I now see better. As a single mum there are always challenges that are made even more challenging with a special needs child but those little hiccups are small compared with the joys of motherhood. I've had to face rejection from men who bail out the moment they realise your child's condition despite their initial profession of love(wetin eye never see). Nonetheless, in all GOD IS FAITHFUL. I admit there is still so much work to do but I celebrate every milestone we've achieved together. Joshy hasn't said any clear sound but he understands everything I say. He is also a delight to have in the kitchen probably because He knows my being in the kitchen means something yummy will emerge...lol.

Having a child has taught me how to be responsible and less selfish with my time, desires and resources.(I even learnt to bake...nothing much I admit just sausage roll but I tried..lol). His comfort tops my every agenda and I don't mind that anymore. Every child deserves to be loved and appreciated no matter the challenge or circumstances surrounding the birth. I've learnt there is more to life than a career no matter how beautiful it might seem. Though it is possible to have it all but my order of priority has changed Moreover,Autism is not a death sentence and I KNOW God will perfect the healing work that Christ died for in the life of my son. HE IS FAITHFUL TO HIS WORDS. Because of you Joshy, I'm a better person. I applaud you for turning this monster into a MOTHER. You make my life so beautiful. I hear the school bus. My baby is home.