I layed on my bed, battered bruised and broken. My arm ached but the pain was more emotional as i stared at my amputed fingers. I was glad to be alive but saddened by the death of my friend and 60 + others who died in that tragic accident. while relishing my second chance at life, in came my aunty's friend wailing in a loud voice that would draw the envy of any professional mourner. all was going well until she said in a righteous voice that the occupants of the bus were either not christians or did not pray before embarking on that fateful journey and she ranted on and on in her christianese voice........! It took all my will power not to bash her across the head with my bed side pan not to mention my beloved aunty making faces at me to be quiet. Her words were insensitive, wicked and unkind. Among the people that died in that accident were two pastors going to Lagos for a conference.Even if I did not pray,what about them? Anyway,this happened in 2003. In 2005, i later learnt the lady came down with an unknown disease. I begged my aunty to give me her address so i could go and tell her that she was either not a christian or did not pray that's why she fell ill.
Sounds like the story of Job and his friends doesn't it? but the truth is there are times silence is just golden especially when comforting someone going through tragedy or loss. All was well with Job and his friends until they opened their mouths. Most times a simple hug or companionship is all the hurting person needs not grand words that turn out to be grand trash. Imagine consoling a woman who just lost a baby after years of waiting with "the lord giveth and the lord taketh". Ofcourse the person is right but to the grieving mother those words are not apt at all! I sought advice from a pastor 3 years ago whose words condemed rather than empathise,encourage or heal. Ofcourse there is a place of admonition in councelling it shldnt be condemnation. No man or woman is infallible. Years later,he had issues in his marriage( i'm not gloating just wondering was he not a praying person or what happened).
Silence or quietness is not a sign of weakness as most people think but rather an epitome of strength and dignity. It takes great restraint to hold ones emotions or words in check. If you check talkative people always land themselves in trouble. I am naturally a loud person but it took years Of discipline and maturity to just be quiet and let others take the floor. Because everyone describes you as funny doesnt mean they appreciate your joke at every given chance PULEEEEEEEASE!
Weigh the situation, punder over your words before you spew them and if unsure simply shush!!! your silence might just be the bliss required to make the difference
Sunday, 25 July 2010
Saturday, 24 July 2010
What you think about matters.
I woke up this morning upset.For reasons i couldn't fathom i was angry. Joshua's smile and early morning antics only made matters worse. i searched my mind for the cause of my annoyance and found no logical reasons for the dark clouds. Could it be because I have not studied or read my bible properly in two days, i wondered. Shrugging off my bed covers, i went downstairs to make breakfast for the lil boss. The innocent boy was unaware he was treading on dangerous waters as he kept skipping and bouncing around me almost tripping me more than twice. I sighed as i poured milk into a bowl and placed it in the micro wave.
I made up my mind instantly while watching the milk warm that I'll not allow this dark cloud loom any larger. i began praising God and switched on the radio in the living room. Sweet melodious christian song gently filled the house and my heart and slowly my countenance lifted.
The devil cannot rob me off the joy of another day. I have purposed to always adopt an attitude of praise no matter the situation. Joy is a precious gift from God to His children that is not determined by circumstances or situations. Paul and Silas were determined not to be overwhelmed by their prison experience but chose to praise God anyway.
Thoughts are like seed that gradually blossom when watered either with faith or fear. A seemingly mindless concern about the future can become a full fledged worry or frustration if not nipped in the bud.We read in 2 Corinthians 10:5 that we should cast down "arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ."
We need to learn to deflect every form of worry or negative thinking with the word of God and choose to live a joy filled life.Phil 4:8"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things". our thoughts must glorify God as Almighty and All sufficient father. Anxiety limits God. I had cause to worry about a medical report recently but i later shook off the feeling and encouraged myself in the lord. my doctor is not God. only God has the final say over my life-no one else does. the word of God is the final jurisdiction over all that concerns me.
What you think about matters. In the book of 2 cor 6:7, God acknowledged David's desire to build him a temple because it was in his(David's) heart to do so.
So, i am determined to guard my heart and mind and hold every thought captive that wants to exalt against the knowledge of God.
If the word of God says it then i believe It.....Why Worry?
I made up my mind instantly while watching the milk warm that I'll not allow this dark cloud loom any larger. i began praising God and switched on the radio in the living room. Sweet melodious christian song gently filled the house and my heart and slowly my countenance lifted.
The devil cannot rob me off the joy of another day. I have purposed to always adopt an attitude of praise no matter the situation. Joy is a precious gift from God to His children that is not determined by circumstances or situations. Paul and Silas were determined not to be overwhelmed by their prison experience but chose to praise God anyway.
Thoughts are like seed that gradually blossom when watered either with faith or fear. A seemingly mindless concern about the future can become a full fledged worry or frustration if not nipped in the bud.We read in 2 Corinthians 10:5 that we should cast down "arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ."
We need to learn to deflect every form of worry or negative thinking with the word of God and choose to live a joy filled life.Phil 4:8"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things". our thoughts must glorify God as Almighty and All sufficient father. Anxiety limits God. I had cause to worry about a medical report recently but i later shook off the feeling and encouraged myself in the lord. my doctor is not God. only God has the final say over my life-no one else does. the word of God is the final jurisdiction over all that concerns me.
What you think about matters. In the book of 2 cor 6:7, God acknowledged David's desire to build him a temple because it was in his(David's) heart to do so.
So, i am determined to guard my heart and mind and hold every thought captive that wants to exalt against the knowledge of God.
If the word of God says it then i believe It.....Why Worry?
Saturday, 3 July 2010
It's ok to turn off the T.V
Everyone has a weakness. Believe it or not mine is television. It started with Buffy the vampire slayer when i was pregnant and bored out of my wits never mind despodent and alone.I could sit hours on end and watch one cleverly weaved episode of Coronation Street and Emmadale, one after the other with no care for the outside world. I guess it was a way of escape for me. A desired and deserved escape into the world of fantasy. My friends knew never to disturb me when any of my fav programmes were showing.
With satelite television came the birth of my obsession with Homer Simpson, the beloved hero and simpleton of Springfield.I am unashammedly in love and maybe in tune with dearest homer.Dohhhh!nothing comes between me and my homy not even you.
However in the past couple of weeks and more determinedly in the last few days, I have learnt to switch off the t.v to spend quality play time with joshua. we sit together on the floor and do whatever game comes to mind. Believe me its time well spent.
As parents or individuals technology has taken its toll on the amount of quality time we spend with each other.its either facebook or the latest gadget i.e phone Ipod or the most dreaded-work!
A constant sight on the train, bus or casual stroll is a tenager with head buried in a fancy toy, ear plugs and music blaring not noticing or caring about whose seated close by or walking past. Technology has replaced relationships-no body smiles in greeting or even bother to say hello anymore.It has moved from the level of entertaiment to clear cut obsession with most people.
There is just too much noise and distraction all around us. Aside from these, there's the daily hustle and bustle.Couples barely see each other nor spend quality time with their kids. No wonder the society is becoming dyfunctional and divource rates on the increase.everyone is busy is in search of the proverbial golden fleece.
After concluding my course in June,I decided to keep other plans on hold and spend time with my boo at least till he starts junior infant.it was a hard decision but one that was imperative.Ofcourse like most single mothers i need the extra money, but money can not equate time invested in his young life.There is so much that teachers and nannies can do but the bulk work lies with the parent. Time also flies by so quick you wonder where the years have gone and before you know it, he'll be introducing me to his girlfriend. This new level of positive parenting is a new level for me to think motherhood never came easy to me. Its still a challenge but everyday is a new experience and requires a new level of grace.
We are responsible for the next genration and generations yet unborn. Every behaviour is an example aptly absorbed and emulated by our children.so be carefull what you say or do around the kids. Arguements between parents should not turn out to be full fledged shouting war or God forbid wrestling bouts. Yep, the bills have to be paid but you dont have to take every avalaible extra shifts at work. Back in Nigeria 5 years ago, most saturdays were bonding time for my younger sister and I. no matter how hectic my work schedule was, i did my best to free my weekends for her as i was the mother figure she had afte we lost our mum in 2000.
No one said the journey was going to be easy but hey its a priviledge to be mothers/parents.
So i'm loggiong off very soon to read a story to josh, roll some more on the floor and sing Incy wincy spider. yep,I'll be turning off the television.
With satelite television came the birth of my obsession with Homer Simpson, the beloved hero and simpleton of Springfield.I am unashammedly in love and maybe in tune with dearest homer.Dohhhh!nothing comes between me and my homy not even you.
However in the past couple of weeks and more determinedly in the last few days, I have learnt to switch off the t.v to spend quality play time with joshua. we sit together on the floor and do whatever game comes to mind. Believe me its time well spent.
As parents or individuals technology has taken its toll on the amount of quality time we spend with each other.its either facebook or the latest gadget i.e phone Ipod or the most dreaded-work!
A constant sight on the train, bus or casual stroll is a tenager with head buried in a fancy toy, ear plugs and music blaring not noticing or caring about whose seated close by or walking past. Technology has replaced relationships-no body smiles in greeting or even bother to say hello anymore.It has moved from the level of entertaiment to clear cut obsession with most people.
There is just too much noise and distraction all around us. Aside from these, there's the daily hustle and bustle.Couples barely see each other nor spend quality time with their kids. No wonder the society is becoming dyfunctional and divource rates on the increase.everyone is busy is in search of the proverbial golden fleece.
After concluding my course in June,I decided to keep other plans on hold and spend time with my boo at least till he starts junior infant.it was a hard decision but one that was imperative.Ofcourse like most single mothers i need the extra money, but money can not equate time invested in his young life.There is so much that teachers and nannies can do but the bulk work lies with the parent. Time also flies by so quick you wonder where the years have gone and before you know it, he'll be introducing me to his girlfriend. This new level of positive parenting is a new level for me to think motherhood never came easy to me. Its still a challenge but everyday is a new experience and requires a new level of grace.
We are responsible for the next genration and generations yet unborn. Every behaviour is an example aptly absorbed and emulated by our children.so be carefull what you say or do around the kids. Arguements between parents should not turn out to be full fledged shouting war or God forbid wrestling bouts. Yep, the bills have to be paid but you dont have to take every avalaible extra shifts at work. Back in Nigeria 5 years ago, most saturdays were bonding time for my younger sister and I. no matter how hectic my work schedule was, i did my best to free my weekends for her as i was the mother figure she had afte we lost our mum in 2000.
No one said the journey was going to be easy but hey its a priviledge to be mothers/parents.
So i'm loggiong off very soon to read a story to josh, roll some more on the floor and sing Incy wincy spider. yep,I'll be turning off the television.
Monday, 7 June 2010
Running the Race
Life is a privilege. It doesn't matter where you're at or what you are going through,the simple truth remains that life is a privilege.Many times our comfortable life is rocked by tragedies,difficulties,sickness,an errant son or husband-the list is endless-and we feel we cant go on. The pain is worse when the hurt is close to home. Hmmmm. Life is a challenge and daily living a hurdle. sometimes the road is inter layed with sporadic bursts of laughter, success and wham!!! in your face disaster that rocks the boat. Sometimes you run,jog,crawl and most times drag your feet but you just keep moving. Over the weekend the annual Athy Triathlon took place.It is an interesting sporting event that involves ardous swimming,cycling and running-not meant for the faint hearted believe me. The athletes that however caught my eyes were the stragglers..
They were the ones lagging behind but not giving up. Slowly but surely making their way to the finish line. some were practically dragging their feet but refused to give up on the race. I noticed two ladies laughing and chatting along the way not mindful of others that speed past them. The fact is they were moving and not stuck at a spot.I also applaud them for participating in the game at all. The barrow river which was one of the hurdles looked muddy and smelly but they swam in it!! that must have been difficult.
It doesn't matter the length of the race but the joy and memories of the journey. There will be muddy and treacherous waters to cross,bumpy roads to cycle and uneven roads to walk but there is a crown of glory set before us if we do not faint.Heb 12:1-2."Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us". I recall with sadness the recent sucide attempt of model Naomi Lenoir
The 30-year-old, who has become a household name in the UK after spearheading an advertising campaign for Marks & Spencer, was found lying in a forest in La Celle-Saint-Cloud, on the outskirts of Paris.this is is a woman that the world is seemingly her oyster. When you make the mistake of taking your focus of God and unto your problems the outcome is disastrous.2 cor 3:5 "Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think any thing as of ourselves; but our sufficiency is of God"
I have along the journey adopted an attitude of praise. I have reached inward and tapped into the the deposit of grace in my life. For every phase in life,there is a deposit of grace.Therefore, we cannot be overwhelmed by challenges no matter how dire it may seem.God has promised in Isaiah 54:10 Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the LORD, who has compassion on you".God will always sustain us no matter the situation for His word is His will.
I don't compare myself with others no mater how far ahead in the race they might be. I might be slow but I'm not out.Like my friends in the just concluded Athy triathlon,it is a privilege to be in the race and hey,the crowd is still cheering.
They were the ones lagging behind but not giving up. Slowly but surely making their way to the finish line. some were practically dragging their feet but refused to give up on the race. I noticed two ladies laughing and chatting along the way not mindful of others that speed past them. The fact is they were moving and not stuck at a spot.I also applaud them for participating in the game at all. The barrow river which was one of the hurdles looked muddy and smelly but they swam in it!! that must have been difficult. It doesn't matter the length of the race but the joy and memories of the journey. There will be muddy and treacherous waters to cross,bumpy roads to cycle and uneven roads to walk but there is a crown of glory set before us if we do not faint.Heb 12:1-2."Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us". I recall with sadness the recent sucide attempt of model Naomi Lenoir
The 30-year-old, who has become a household name in the UK after spearheading an advertising campaign for Marks & Spencer, was found lying in a forest in La Celle-Saint-Cloud, on the outskirts of Paris.this is is a woman that the world is seemingly her oyster. When you make the mistake of taking your focus of God and unto your problems the outcome is disastrous.2 cor 3:5 "Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think any thing as of ourselves; but our sufficiency is of God"
I have along the journey adopted an attitude of praise. I have reached inward and tapped into the the deposit of grace in my life. For every phase in life,there is a deposit of grace.Therefore, we cannot be overwhelmed by challenges no matter how dire it may seem.God has promised in Isaiah 54:10 Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the LORD, who has compassion on you".God will always sustain us no matter the situation for His word is His will.
I don't compare myself with others no mater how far ahead in the race they might be. I might be slow but I'm not out.Like my friends in the just concluded Athy triathlon,it is a privilege to be in the race and hey,the crowd is still cheering.
Saturday, 29 May 2010
Mama's Day In.
Its so rare for me to be at home on a Saturday. I usually would have dashed out early to make Josh's play therapy session in Dublin,sight-see and maybe do a bit of window/actual shopping.So its so relaxing to be able to wake up with ease and loaf around in my pyjamas.What a relief!!! I've got so much kinks in my body for lack of proper rest and I'm enjoying this day to the max and that includes not taking my bath(u should know by now that I'm shameless.lol).I've got a huge back log of laundry and cleaning to do but no rush,I'll ease my myself into that.
Gladys proposes,Gladys disposes! Hmmm! freedom is good but i guess I'm beginning to abuse it.I got stuck as usual in front of the television and totally forgot about my carefully laid out plans for the day.Reluctantly,I made a conscious decision to get the house sorted.I eventually lifted my ample behind from my beloved couch and straight into the kitchen,sorted the laundry and prepared lunch for josh.
My laid back attitude today got me thinking on the christian journey.The difference between a champion and a loser is in the amount of effort put in the challenge or task at hand. As Christians,we bask in past victories without adequate thoughts for future battles. That is why we mostly falter in the face of problems(it is the reason i fell apart a couple of weeks back) A blunt sword is useless in war and a soldier with depleted ammunition is in for trouble. Living a victorious life is a concerted and deliberate effort.The devil never rests so why should we rest on our oars(1 pet 5:8 Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour). I am not perfect but striving toward perfection so like you I'm eager to learn and apply every word in the bible to daily living. The key to victorious living is to daily read the bible and pray.The bible says faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God. It should be a ceaseless flow. There is nothing like a holiday.We must be spiritually connected at all times. Three years ago, I purposed in my heart that i would never reject or refuse any opportunity to lead prayers at any occasion whether I'm given prior notice or not. As God's soldiers we should be ever ready. An easy analogy in the bible is the story of David and Bathsheba. The bible records that when kings were at were at war David was at home and got ensnared with lust towards another man's wife(2Sam 11).
We need to daily immerse ourselves in the word and cloth ourself with grace in other to be good ambassadors as well as be prepared for the challenges that will definitely come our way. you never know who will need a word of encouragement during the course of the day.
I may not be in Dublin today but I'll not waste the day by being glued to the t.v or sleeping the day away. Its back to the cleaning,laundry and a day of fun with my favourite person in the world-JOSHUA.
Gladys proposes,Gladys disposes! Hmmm! freedom is good but i guess I'm beginning to abuse it.I got stuck as usual in front of the television and totally forgot about my carefully laid out plans for the day.Reluctantly,I made a conscious decision to get the house sorted.I eventually lifted my ample behind from my beloved couch and straight into the kitchen,sorted the laundry and prepared lunch for josh.
My laid back attitude today got me thinking on the christian journey.The difference between a champion and a loser is in the amount of effort put in the challenge or task at hand. As Christians,we bask in past victories without adequate thoughts for future battles. That is why we mostly falter in the face of problems(it is the reason i fell apart a couple of weeks back) A blunt sword is useless in war and a soldier with depleted ammunition is in for trouble. Living a victorious life is a concerted and deliberate effort.The devil never rests so why should we rest on our oars(1 pet 5:8 Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour). I am not perfect but striving toward perfection so like you I'm eager to learn and apply every word in the bible to daily living. The key to victorious living is to daily read the bible and pray.The bible says faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God. It should be a ceaseless flow. There is nothing like a holiday.We must be spiritually connected at all times. Three years ago, I purposed in my heart that i would never reject or refuse any opportunity to lead prayers at any occasion whether I'm given prior notice or not. As God's soldiers we should be ever ready. An easy analogy in the bible is the story of David and Bathsheba. The bible records that when kings were at were at war David was at home and got ensnared with lust towards another man's wife(2Sam 11).
We need to daily immerse ourselves in the word and cloth ourself with grace in other to be good ambassadors as well as be prepared for the challenges that will definitely come our way. you never know who will need a word of encouragement during the course of the day.
I may not be in Dublin today but I'll not waste the day by being glued to the t.v or sleeping the day away. Its back to the cleaning,laundry and a day of fun with my favourite person in the world-JOSHUA.
Wednesday, 19 May 2010
Growing In God
I am not perfect! I'm fully aware of my shortcomings and weaknesses.However, I am a strong woman. I may crumble under pressure but I don't lie low for too long.Nah!not this sister!
My life is a journey and I have encountered a lot of bumps on the way(some caused by bad choices)but hey! I'm still here. I have overcome challenges that might crumble other people but they've only left me with scars.I don't hide my scars,I flaunt them. They are reminders of battles lost and won.Trophies to display and regale along the way. Its no wonder I stopped wearing my prosthesis(I had an accident in 2003 that led to the loss of 3 fingers on my right hand).
I don't view myself as disabled but physically challenged. The prosthesis disable me-i always felt i was hiding something bad.
My rebellion from the bondage of the prosthesis is a reflection of my flip side. It is an open message to the world that I'm a strong woman but also vulnerable.My appearance and my voice is strong but I'm also soft.Moreover, my 7 fingers and apparent "disability" is the sound of amazing grace. God in in His infinite mercy delivered me from the clutches of death that I might declare His glory among the living!!! hallelujah!!!!! I'm planning on doing a photo shoot titled "I AM BEAUTIFUL". Its a beauty and the beast kinda thing(need to lose more weight lol).
I have also not lost my ability to laugh or my penchant for humour.Laughter is the breadline of life. A life devoid of laughter is worthless(read my earlier post "Too Posh To Laugh".
The last five years have been huge.I have learnt to cry(a lot) but also matured. Things that seemed important and to die for no longer faze me(e.g sex!To the glory of God I've abstained for 5 years).I am also content but still learning to wait on God.
In all, when caught in the storm or tossed by the waves of difficult situations, i raise my head and swim against the tide. I refuse to be submerged.
My experiences are my testimony. They are reminders of God's faithfulness and ability to deliver.So, i am not ashamed! I am proud of myself! my ability to cry and make mistakes shows my humanity but the grace to overcome shows God's divinty.
My life is a journey and I have encountered a lot of bumps on the way(some caused by bad choices)but hey! I'm still here. I have overcome challenges that might crumble other people but they've only left me with scars.I don't hide my scars,I flaunt them. They are reminders of battles lost and won.Trophies to display and regale along the way. Its no wonder I stopped wearing my prosthesis(I had an accident in 2003 that led to the loss of 3 fingers on my right hand).
I don't view myself as disabled but physically challenged. The prosthesis disable me-i always felt i was hiding something bad.
My rebellion from the bondage of the prosthesis is a reflection of my flip side. It is an open message to the world that I'm a strong woman but also vulnerable.My appearance and my voice is strong but I'm also soft.Moreover, my 7 fingers and apparent "disability" is the sound of amazing grace. God in in His infinite mercy delivered me from the clutches of death that I might declare His glory among the living!!! hallelujah!!!!! I'm planning on doing a photo shoot titled "I AM BEAUTIFUL". Its a beauty and the beast kinda thing(need to lose more weight lol).
I have also not lost my ability to laugh or my penchant for humour.Laughter is the breadline of life. A life devoid of laughter is worthless(read my earlier post "Too Posh To Laugh".
The last five years have been huge.I have learnt to cry(a lot) but also matured. Things that seemed important and to die for no longer faze me(e.g sex!To the glory of God I've abstained for 5 years).I am also content but still learning to wait on God.
In all, when caught in the storm or tossed by the waves of difficult situations, i raise my head and swim against the tide. I refuse to be submerged.
My experiences are my testimony. They are reminders of God's faithfulness and ability to deliver.So, i am not ashamed! I am proud of myself! my ability to cry and make mistakes shows my humanity but the grace to overcome shows God's divinty.
Monday, 17 May 2010
Giving up on grace!
There is nothing too difficult for God.No mountain insurmountable before the mighty one.He is my refuge and strength.An ever present help in times of trouble.He is not the God of abandoned project.Though it feels difficult yet I will praise him.
Its too late to turn back now. In fact there is nothing to turn back to. So I'll forge ahead and keep trusting. My heart is burdened and heavy but I turn to him who has promised never to leave nor forsake me. Yes, I get angry, frustrated and sometimes doubt His love but i always crawl back. Lord, for how long will the vision tarry? I need your strength.
Its supposed to be a day of celebration but I ended up crying! A simple reminder of a nagging issue made the tears stream. I seem to cry easily these days. To the outside world I strike a strong confident pose but in my inner chambers I'm just a little girl whose warm blanket got yanked away and is now left to seek warmth on her own.
What pains me most is that I know God but I have become familiar with Him. I seem to have a head knowledge and not a revelationary knowledge of His ways. Quoting scriptures, the loud fire brand prayers(u need to see dis sista pray) and endless righteous attitude, d crack is beginning to show..No wonder I'm overwhelmed. Its time to go back to the drawing board, back to the beginning and start afresh. No more Mrs know-all.My James Bond attitude is wearing thin.
I believe one of the issues affecting my relationship with God is that I reason too much when God is asking for simple Faith.
Galatians 2:20-21 " the life i now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.I do not set aside the grace of God;for if righteousness comes through the law then Christ died in vain".
The christian race is by grace and not by our efforts. God did not create you and I to be independent of Him. Neither does He expect us to manouver life's journey on our own strenth-it is nigh impossible and fustrating.2 kings 19 recounts how Elijah was given nourishment by an angel to empower him after he fled from Jezebel. Elijah was at a point that he was fearful and discouraged. He had easily forgotten God's victory at mount carmel in the face of fresh challenges. Just like you and I when beset with problems.Every time we doubt or fear,we simply call God a liar.
I try so hard to be a good girl that I've made a beautiful relationship a burden.I fear failing so much that I've crumbled under the weight of my self inflicted burden. The incessant crying are signs of lack of trust in the Almighty when trust and simple faith are basis for any relationship to thrive.
With renewed purpose, I am going back to the master architect.I'm going back on my kness and i'm letting His plan for my life unfold. I'm tired of struggling and fighting His purpose for my life.its like swimming against a tidal wave(a fruitless venture) I'm not ashammed nor afraid to be weak.God's strength is made plain in my weakness. I refuse to give up on Grace so i'm sailing on the wings of love.
Its too late to turn back now. In fact there is nothing to turn back to. So I'll forge ahead and keep trusting. My heart is burdened and heavy but I turn to him who has promised never to leave nor forsake me. Yes, I get angry, frustrated and sometimes doubt His love but i always crawl back. Lord, for how long will the vision tarry? I need your strength.
Its supposed to be a day of celebration but I ended up crying! A simple reminder of a nagging issue made the tears stream. I seem to cry easily these days. To the outside world I strike a strong confident pose but in my inner chambers I'm just a little girl whose warm blanket got yanked away and is now left to seek warmth on her own.
What pains me most is that I know God but I have become familiar with Him. I seem to have a head knowledge and not a revelationary knowledge of His ways. Quoting scriptures, the loud fire brand prayers(u need to see dis sista pray) and endless righteous attitude, d crack is beginning to show..No wonder I'm overwhelmed. Its time to go back to the drawing board, back to the beginning and start afresh. No more Mrs know-all.My James Bond attitude is wearing thin.
I believe one of the issues affecting my relationship with God is that I reason too much when God is asking for simple Faith.
Galatians 2:20-21 " the life i now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.I do not set aside the grace of God;for if righteousness comes through the law then Christ died in vain".
The christian race is by grace and not by our efforts. God did not create you and I to be independent of Him. Neither does He expect us to manouver life's journey on our own strenth-it is nigh impossible and fustrating.2 kings 19 recounts how Elijah was given nourishment by an angel to empower him after he fled from Jezebel. Elijah was at a point that he was fearful and discouraged. He had easily forgotten God's victory at mount carmel in the face of fresh challenges. Just like you and I when beset with problems.Every time we doubt or fear,we simply call God a liar.
I try so hard to be a good girl that I've made a beautiful relationship a burden.I fear failing so much that I've crumbled under the weight of my self inflicted burden. The incessant crying are signs of lack of trust in the Almighty when trust and simple faith are basis for any relationship to thrive.
With renewed purpose, I am going back to the master architect.I'm going back on my kness and i'm letting His plan for my life unfold. I'm tired of struggling and fighting His purpose for my life.its like swimming against a tidal wave(a fruitless venture) I'm not ashammed nor afraid to be weak.God's strength is made plain in my weakness. I refuse to give up on Grace so i'm sailing on the wings of love.
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